Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Lyrical

12+ Violence

The Pain;The Animals

by Awru


Deep down it hurts!

   Yes,deep down it hurts so much. Unconsciously these streams of salty water begin to flow drowning my face because deep down it hurts, It feels as if my heart is being ripped open and torn to shreds. I am being bitten again and again,the teeth marks tattoo my skin. The claws of hungry animals rip my skin apart;the blood is seeping from my wounds and it hurts. They slash at me with those sharp nails and their hunger stricken eyes are boring deep in my skin penetrating through the curtains of my soul.

   They feast everyday on my torn skin,ragged wounds and anguished screams. They quench their thirst by the forever oozing blood from my gashes and salty water from my sockets. These animals prey upon me from time to time wanting to demolish me,slowly breaking me apart.

   When will these wounds be healed?When will this injured heart be soothed?When will these cuts be stitched?When will the shards in my broken heart be removed and my blood be cleaned?When will the bruises on my cheeks be cured? When? When will it stop hurting deep down?

   Or this pain is endless for these animals,these monstrous animals who call themselves Humans increase everyday, their hunger doubles by every minute, their claws grow longer and the canine  sharper. The throbbing pain in my heart is becoming intense, the stinging in my eyes is increasing, the excruciating pain in my body is poisoning me leisurely but surely. My skin is peeling rapidly and the raw pink meat inside vexes the animals.

   These animals torment me,they slash at my wounds making them sorer and sorer. Its not just me these animals attack anyone;anyone who wants to be a true Human. They do not forgive this sin;not at any cost. This agony is becoming unbearable for me, its breaking the limits of my patience, this crucifixion is sucking the soul out of my body. I can't breathe, the air has been stroked out of my lungs. I am suffocating;this darkness is suffocating me.

   They say this darkness will end. They say the sun will shine but WHEN? When my heart will have been broken into a million pieces unable to be collected? When the blood will permanently stain my once flawless skin? When the claws will bore so deep in my soul that it will be impossible to remove them?When my screams will turn into painful whispers? When these animals will have devoured the essence of my existence? When I will only be left with the Title of Human?

   Oh!This agony,this helplessness will never end. They don't know but I do, this pain is endless, this night is the darkest for these animals will never be satisfied. This night has come to stay.

    But still I will be persistent. I will fight back. I won't let them take the only satisfaction;the satisfaction of being human. I will not them deprive me of my pride of being a Homo sapiens.These animals can break me as much as they want but I believe in the Japanese Art of Kintsugi;the golden repair. I believe that my broken self will be repaired again and this time with a golden lining. These scars will shine, they will make me more beautiful just like the broken pieces of pottery, joined by a golden lining.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
236 Reviews


Points: 12025
Reviews: 236

Donate
Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:17 pm
View Likes
Liberty wrote a review...



Hiya Awru!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. (Lol, I already know where you are) I'm here to give you a review! Let's get started, now, shall we?

Alright, so now, your story's great. It's got great description and I can feel everything the character is going through. Like, the pain, the confidence that she'll tear away from the monstrosity of the darkness, everything. It's all great! :smt023

But there are a couple of things I'd like to talk about. Actually, one or two things. It's mostly just punctuation stuff. First of all, you have an outstanding idea on how to separate your paragraphs. Second, you've got some places were you had commas and periods. It was all good, but I thing you've got periods, commas, colons, and semi colons all mixed up. I get confused with all of them too, but - thank god - I've gotten better.

I'd suggest probably looking at this site for a bit of help. Hopefully it'll help you in some sort of way.

But anyways, I enjoyed reading this little story. It had great detail and I can't wait to see more from you! Of course, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever. :)

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty




Awru says...


Thanx for the review :D
Yeah i will definitely keep the site in mind next time. Honestly i am so careless about punctuation i have never paid as much attention to it as i have to now Lol



Liberty says...


Lol, not a problem! ;)



User avatar
28 Reviews


Points: 2667
Reviews: 28

Donate
Sun Aug 11, 2019 4:07 pm
View Likes
Asith wrote a review...



An interesting concept! You have a brilliant vocabulary of vicious animal words - all the clawing and slashing and biting. The actions are dramatic and the wide use of words help prevent the reader getting tired of reading about being mauled, even though it happens so continuously through the extract. I also like your descriptions of pain. They seem real - perhaps it's the colloquial tone, or the rhetorical questioning, but I did find myself genuinely believing in the agony. That is probably the most necessary outcome for piece that is essentially a metaphorically-addled description of long-term pain.

I think the strength of the piece lies entirely in the animalisation (forgive the made-up phrase) of humans. It's exciting to read, and is a concept that most, of not all readers will be able to grasp. It's for this reason that I also think it might be better to remove the parts not entirely animal. The bits about darkness; the bits about suffocation - are they really necessary? I did feel that the piece stretched on a bit too long while reading it. Perhaps it would be more powerful if trimmed shorter. Personally, the best solution would definitely be to cut away at the meandering filler - or at the very least, replace it something more akin to animal savagery. Remember, a lot of the time, especially in short stories, less is more!

The capitalisation of "Human" is a really interesting choice. It's a bit jarring at first, but I suppose it signifies alienation from the group. If so, then that's a very cool concept, but could be brought out more directly in the piece as well.

All that being said, I did enjoy the piece, and I suppose that's what really matters.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------

and the canines more sharper.


Just sharper.
"...and the canines sharper."

Sharper is already a comparative, it doesn't need to be proceeded by "more" :)




Awru says...


Thank you for the review!! I will try to implement your suggestions. I am so glad you enjoyed it and grasped the concept. This piece really did came straight from my heart and was written between continuous tears. I feel so emotionally connected to it.



Asith says...


Aww, that's great.
I hope you feel less pain though :)



Awru says...


:)
Better after letting it all out



User avatar
193 Reviews


Points: 603
Reviews: 193

Donate
Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:03 pm
View Likes
Horisun wrote a review...



Hello, Awru! I hope your having a g9od day or night! I apologize for any spelling errors, I am typing this in my phone.
Alright, first of all, this is an absolutely beutiful poem, my friend,read it, and thought that as well.
However, a few things I would like to point out.
I would desperate the lines a bit, and also, make sure there are spaces in between your words.
Also, maybe it is just me, but I was a little thrown,off, I went into this thinking it would be about pollution, and animals. And I guess I continued thunking this until the last line.
Other than that, wonderful poem, it talks about an important issue, which is good.
Keep on writing, and I cannot wait to see,more from you!




Awru says...


Thanx!! I didn't even know it was a poem until now. Lol XD
I don't get what you mean by spacing the words though. I mean i do seperate them by pressing the space key everytime so i don't get it.
Oh my!! You thought it was about pollution Lol this makes me feel i did not clarified my point enough. I wrote it as about humans acting like vicious animals and tormenting other humans. Kinda like cruelty. Its from the POV of a human whos been given pain continuously. But i guess everyone might see this differently.
Also if you think its good enough plz leave a like



Horisun says...


Oh, XD I don't know why I thought it was a poem. Oops, sorry bout that!



Awru says...


:D



Awru says...


:D




He began to wonder why he had felt uneasy at all. It was like a man wondering in broad daylight why a dream had appeared so terrible to him at night.
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart