z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter Twenty

by felistia


Zoltar was hit with a tsunami of emotions. What was Emerald doing here and how did that affect him? Should he let her know he was here or should he stay hidden? She seemed upset, but why? Could this be his chance to get a scale?

He laughed at himself. How could he even think that? He couldn’t move without pain, much less fight a dragon for a scale. That would have to wait.

He could try to make friends with Emerald though. She was in a vulnerable position emotionally and shouldn’t see him as a threat because of his wounds. Getting her to trust him would make getting a scale much easier later. Besides, she was bound to find him at some point. He didn’t have much to lose.

Slowly he got to his feet, cringing at the pain it brought. Being as quiet as possible, he peered out from his hideout behind the stalagmites.

Emerald was sitting near the entrance to the cave, her scales matching the swirling raindrops as she stared out over the forest. Although not a sound escaped her jaws, tears still streamed down her snout.

Zoltar found himself at a bit of a loss. Should he make a noise to let her know he was here, should he quietly walk up to her or wait until she found him? All seemed to be as awkward as the other.

Maybe staying in his hiding spot and making a noise would be the best course of action. Then she’d find him, but wouldn’t know that he’d seen her already. He could pretend to have just woken up.

Zoltar settled back down and scraped his tail against the rock floor ever so lightly.

He heard Emerald quickly get to her paws, startled by the sudden noise. The sharp clack of talons coming towards him echoed throughout the cave.

“Zoltar?”

Zoltar looked up to see Emerald staring down at him, her scales a rolling ocean of conflicting colors.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, bewilderment written all over her snout.

“It was a cave to spend the night,” Zoltar shifting to a sitting position.

“You’re hurt,” Emerald eyed his wounds, her face having gone from confusion to concern, “Fu Lung Raptors?”

“I guess. I don’t really know the wildlife around here.”

“You shouldn’t be on this island. I told you last time it’s dangerous. If the elders even caught me talking to you they’d have us both killed,” she turned away from him, walking back towards the entrance of the cave.

“Wait, Emerald,” Zoltar limped after her. He couldn’t let an opportunity like this slip from his grasp, “Maybe we can help each other.”

“Stop calling me by my name. We shouldn’t be talking. I shouldn’t have let you live the first time we met, much less now.”

“Would it really hurt to talk a bit? We are in a cave in the middle of a storm.”

Emerald glanced back at him, her eyes darting back and forth between him and the forest. Finally she sighed and said, “Fine. I guess it wouldn’t do any harm. It’s not like you’re going anywhere in a hurry with those wounds and no one knows about this cave. They’re too afraid to stray far from the village.”

Zoltar breathed a sigh of relief and sat down a respectful distance from Emerald. He knew he was taking a big risk, but at this rate it was his best chance at getting a scale. She seemed nice enough so far.

“So what did you want to say Shadow Talon?” Emerald asked.

“I guess I’m just curious as to why you were crying. I would have come out earlier, but I wasn’t sure if it was safe or not.”

“I wouldn’t say you’re safe yet,” Emerald said, flexing her claws, “You’re wounded and alone. It’s not a good position to be in.”

“Then why haven’t you killed me already? You could have the moment you saw me?” Zoltar hoped his hunch was right. She’d hesitated to kill him before out in the open. Would she open up now that they were alone with him in a weak state?

“Because I don’t think it right. We never used to do it and we did fine,” Emerald hissed, snapping her teeth, “We don’t have much of a choice now though. It’s either you or a Wisp Talon.”

“What do you mean?”

“I guess I might as well tell you. It won’t make a difference if you know or not,” Emerald hunched her wings, “It’s full moon in a few days. The night the Death Grippers emerge from the misty maze around the island to hunt. The elders give the Death Grippers one Wisp Talon every full moon. It stops them from coming into the village and killing more dragons. At least, that’s what they’ve told us.” She sighed, “They said that we could replace the Wisp Talon with any outsider we found.”

Zoltar looked on amazed. He hadn’t expected this. The Wisp Talons were sacrificing their own kind to appease these Death Grippers. No wonder they were so vicious towards outsiders. It was to protect their own tribe, but why would their leaders do this? It was barbaric. Surely there was a better way?

“I don’t believe it though,” Emerald snarled, grating her claws against the rock floor, “It doesn’t make sense. The Death Grippers preyed upon us many years back, why would giving them one Wisp Talon every full moon stop that? Surely they’d carry on hunting us,” Emerald’s scales were a raging fire of crimson and gold, “I think we’re being lied to, being used. The elders have always been hungry for power. I think this is their way of keeping it.”

She went silent as fresh tears began rolling down her face.

Zoltar didn’t know what to do. He suddenly felt guilt for his previous thoughts. Emerald wasn’t one of those monsters he’d seen that first night on the island. There was much more to this than he’d first thought. She was in a really difficult position. Kill outsiders or lose a fellow Wisp Talon. He knew what he’d choose if he was in her situation.

Emerald looked up, blinking through the tears, “It wasn’t that bad in the beginning. They took the old and the sick; dragons that we already knew were on their way to death. Not that that makes it any better. I thought I was safe, that my sister and family were safe, but they weren’t,” she clenched her paws, taking a deep breath, “They took my sister last full moon. I never saw Lera again.”

“Oh Emerald I’m so sorry,” Despite the danger, Zoltar padded up to her and placed a paw on hers.

Emerald sighed and looked at him, but didn’t pull away.

“I lost my brother,” Zoltar whispered, “I know what it feels like. It devours you from the inside like some ravenous beast. Questions fill your head. What could you have done to stop it? The answer ringing your head the whole time. It’s too late. There’s nothing you could do.”

They sat in silence for a moment.

“I come here every night now,” Emerald whispered, “This was our secret cave. We discovered it back when we were dragonets,” she smiled, her eyes still echoing her loss, “I’m not sure why, but it’s almost like she’s here with me.”

“I’m sorry I disturbed you.

“It’s okay. It’s kind of nice to have company,” Emerald huffed, “It seems weird talking to you like this, but I could never be open with the other Wisp Talons. They’re all too scared to. No one can speak against the elders,” she looked out into the rain soaked night, “I know I’ve told you this before Zoltar, but I really mean it. You need to get off this island. It’s not safe for you and I can’t guaranty the next time you run into me that I’ll be able to let you go. If another Wisp Talon’s with me, I’ll have to kill you and I don’t want to do that. It’s not right. Besides, you seem nice and it would be a shame for you to fall victim to us.”

“Well I would leave, but I can’t exactly do that now,” Zoltar motioned to his wings, “I can’t fly. Getting enough food is going to be hard enough. Trying to get off the island right now is impossible.”

Emerald looked at him, her eyes darting from him to the back of the cave as if considering something.

“You know, I might be able to help with that,” she got up and heading towards the back of the cave, her jade green tail trailing behind her.

Zoltar hesitated. He didn’t have much to lose. He was practically defenseless and she hadn’t attacked him. Why would she do that now? Besides her story seemed genuine and she seemed like a nice dragoness. Something told him he could trust her. She’d gone through a lot of pain in her life. In many ways the same pain he’d gone through. It was strange to think about it, but they were more alike than he’d first thought.

Slowly, Zoltar got to his feet and followed her deeper into the cave.


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Tue Aug 04, 2020 2:08 pm
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Necromancer14 wrote a review...



Well, another interesting chapter! And I FINALLY get to see what was going on with the wisp talons.

Anyway, here's my review:

I like how you started the chapter with "tsunami of emotions." It was very descriptive, and because it was a slightly unusual way of using a rather uncommon word it was incredibly noticeable in a good way. Also, like usual, Zoltar thinks to himself, trying to figure out which path to take. Plus I liked the dialogue in this. It was believably written, and an interesting conversation between Zoltar and Emerald, considering their positions in this. Not to mention those "Death Grippers" making things more complicated. You did make some grammar mistakes, though not as many as usual. One was:

“So what did you want to say Shadow Talon?” Emerald asked.

where you need a comma after "say" and maybe "so" as well.

I also like where Zoltar thinks
She was in a really difficult position. Kill outsiders or lose a fellow Wisp Talon. He knew what he’d choose if he was in her situation.
I like how Zoltar knows what he'd do. (I'm guessing he's thinking he'd do the "outsider" option. The thought would probably make him feel guilty.)

And then Zoltar realizes that they've gone through similar things and it's all emotional and stuff. And then... Cliffhanger. My favorite. (I honestly do love cliffhangers. I always put them at the end of my chapters too. Well, more like I end chapters when it would make a good cliffhanger.)
So basically, you're great at descriptions, plot, character development and all that, you just struggle with grammar a tad, which is easily fixed.

Anyway, that's my review! I hope it was helpful.




felistia says...


Thank you for the review. :D



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Wed Jun 17, 2020 8:28 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever it is in your part of the world),

One more chapter before I go off for a break,

First Impression: Nice development. Good little twist. And Emerald proves to be a bit more complex than original shown.

Meanwhile the theorist in my brain: "Ha, Ha., I told you. I told you. You and logic. I was right the whole time. *goes off to do victory dance*."

He could try to make friends with Emerald though. She was in a vulnerable position emotionally and shouldn’t see him as a threat because of his wounds. Getting her to trust him would make getting a scale much easier later. Besides, she was bound to find him at some point. He didn’t have much to lose.


Okay is he trying to be manipulative here or does he genuinely care?

Emerald was sitting near the entrance to the cave, her scales matching the swirling raindrops as she stared out over the forest. Although not a sound escaped her jaws, tears still streamed down her snout.


This is a beautiful image that is also sad at the same time.

Maybe staying in his hiding spot and making a noise would be the best course of action. Then she’d find him, but wouldn’t know that he’d seen her already. He could pretend to have just woken up.


If he thinks this why does he just admit to listening in later.

Zoltar settled back down and scraped his tail against the rock floor ever so lightly.


I like this shows that he is smart enough to make a small sound and not just make a very obviously fake loud sound.

It’s not like you’re going anywhere in a hurry with those wounds and no one knows about this cave. They’re too afraid to stray far from the village.”


Okay I feel like she wouldn't have just listed this out. It feels like this is for the reader's benefit.

“Because I don’t think it right. We never used to do it and we did fine,” Emerald hissed, snapping her teeth, “We don’t have much of a choice now though. It’s either you or a Wisp Talon.”


This feels like she's being too aggressive for the thing that she is saying. This should sound more defeated than snappy.

“I guess I might as well tell you. It won’t make a difference if you know or not,” Emerald hunched her wings, “It’s full moon in a few days. The night the Death Grippers emerge from the misty maze around the island to hunt. The elders give the Death Grippers one Wisp Talon every full moon. It stops them from coming into the village and killing more dragons. At least, that’s what they’ve told us.” She sighed, “They said that we could replace the Wisp Talon with any outsider we found.”


Oh that's interesting. Showcases the Wisp Talon's as much more than mindless killers.

Theorist Part of the Brain: "That theory you had. It's true. Also doesn't death remind you of ghosts? Look into that."

“I don’t believe it though,” Emerald snarled, grating her claws against the rock floor, “It doesn’t make sense. The Death Grippers preyed upon us many years back, why would giving them one Wisp Talon every full moon stop that? Surely they’d carry on hunting us,” Emerald’s scales were a raging fire of crimson and gold, “I think we’re being lied to, being used. The elders have always been hungry for power. I think this is their way of keeping it.”


At this point it seems like there'd be a bunch of dragons protesting this. If this has going on for a while you'd expect a few groups to form that would want to put an end to this.

Emerald looked up, blinking through the tears, “It wasn’t that bad in the beginning. They took the old and the sick; dragons that we already knew were on their way to death. Not that that makes it any better. I thought I was safe, that my sister and family were safe, but they weren’t,” she clenched her paws, taking a deep breath, “They took my sister last full moon. I never saw Lera again.”


Oww. Oww. Must not cut onions while reading books.

“I come here every night now,” Emerald whispered, “This was our secret cave. We discovered it back when we were dragonets,” she smiled, her eyes still echoing her loss, “I’m not sure why, but it’s almost like she’s here with me.”


This is a nice bit of backstory.

Zoltar hesitated. He didn’t have much to lose. He was practically defenseless and she hadn’t attacked him. Why would she do that now? Besides her story seemed genuine and she seemed like a nice dragoness. Something told him he could trust her. She’d gone through a lot of pain in her life. In many ways the same pain he’d gone through. It was strange to think about it, but they were more alike than he’d first thought.

Slowly, Zoltar got to his feet and followed her deeper into the cave.


This is interesting how Zoltar seems to have an inner evilness and goodness radar. Would almost seem like it was just there to be convenient to the plot if it wasn't for the fact that I've got a similar radar.

Anyway that's all for this. I have to go for a small break now.

Overall: Nice chapter as usual. This one showed us a lot of things and ended in a nice little low-key cliffhanger. I really love the direction this plot is taking. It's very original and well thought out.

Anyway as always take what you think will help and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Nov 17, 2019 6:01 am
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Lib wrote a review...



Heya felistia!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on. I'm here to give you a review like I said I'd do. Let's dig right in now!

Lol, just walk up to her, tap her on the shoulder and ask her what happened, Zoltar! Don't stay hiding - and don't do pretending, ya weirdo! xD Just go up to her, mate!

Seriously? You're just gonna sit there?

And there ya go. I told you you coulda went up to her. I mean, nothing has happened yet, so you made a good move I guess. :P

Zoltar shifting to a sitting position.


Either you meant "Zoltar shifted to" or "Zoltar said, shifting to".

Wow, look at her attitiude! Don't say my name! That made me snort. And yeah, Zoltar's right, Emerald. You can't really go anywhere. You gotta stick to this guy if you wanna survive a storm. He's a soldierrrr.

Death Grippers sound horrifying, just saying, lol. Grippers of Death. *shudder*

Aww, her sister died. That's who Lera is. That's so sad. And awww, Zoltar's being a gentleman. Cute. But that's sad. Her sister died. That probably hurts so bad in the heart.

Zoltar what are you doing? Just walking into the depths of an unknown cave with an unknown dragoness? What do you think you're doing? Gosh, the cliffhanger over here is so bittersweet I love it! Overall, the flow is going pretty smooth too. Not too fast, not too slow. At just the right pace - the way I like it. ;)

Anyways, great chapter! I'll get to the next one asap. Of course, if you have any questions about this review, feel free to ask me whenever!

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty




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Thu Jul 25, 2019 7:21 pm
Awru wrote a review...



OMG!!This chap was such an eye opener about the Wisp Talons. The poor guys have no choice its either others or their own kind. The death grippers seems like pretty nasty stuff i hope we get a description of them in the future chapters. Emeralds story was so heart breaking she lost her best friend. Zoltars life is becoming more and more complicated which is undoubtedly incresing the stirys interest. I feel Zoltar is going to find himself in much bigger problems. He will be f8ghting for more then just his own people. Emerald is just so sweet i love her. I feel like the ghost talons and death grippers might ne connected cuz duh both are fricking creeps. This has all become so exciting. I can't wait to read more of it.

Keep up the Excellent work :smt023

peace out




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Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:13 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



GOOD MORNING!

Zoltar found himself at a bit of a loss. Should he make a noise to let her know he was here, should he quietly walk up to her or wait until she found him? All seemed to be as awkward as the other.


LOL poor Zoltar.

Why are Wisp Talons afraid to venture far from the village? Does that mean when he was with Scorpus, they were close to the village? Hmmm...

OMG THIS DEATH GRIPPER THING. O.O

“They took my sister last full moon. I never say Lera again.”


So I thought this was Emerald saying she never says Lera's name again because of the bad memories associated with it at the moment, but now I'm thinking it's a typo for "saw" so I DON'T KNOW. I ORIGINALLY was gonna say to take Lera out of it since it's contradictory saying Lera when she never says Lera again BUT LIKE I SAID. TYPO ??

THIS WAS A LOVELY CHAPTER.

It revealed so much about not only Emerald but the Wisp Talons in general. No wonder they were so vicious to Scorpus and Nira. And they were probably upset when they didn't get Nira! I'm guessing, though, they didn't need Scorpus alive for the full moon? Or that was actually the Death Grippers leaving his bones behind? Though I don't know if it's been a whole month since Scorpus and Nira died, so I'm not sure that adds up. It would be interesting though if Scorpus wasn't dead and was actually going to be the next sacrifice. THAT WOULD BE A TWIST.

I like that Zoltar is able to relate to her with this 'cause I also thought about his brother. It makes his attempt at befriending her so much easier to have a lot of even ground between them. And Emerald has a beautiful heart that doesn't want to hurt any dragon at all! Simply fulfill her duties for the tribe, much like Zoltar!

I wonder how the Wisp Talon population is holding up with all the sacrifices. If they're having to dip into the young and strong dragons of their tribe, they must be hurting. I wonder what the elders have to gain from allowing this kind of thing to happen for so long, and why hasn't other dragons challenged the elders yet? I can see that the Wisp Talons prefer to stay near the village when it's almost the full moon since no one wants to be the chosen sacrifice for the Death Grippers.

AND WHO ARE THESE DEATH GRIPPERS. Why do they want the Wisp Talons so much?! Are they after the same thing Zoltar is? Is this all connected somehow?!??

IT'S SO INTRIGUING. I look forward to reading more and finding things out!!

Jabber, the One and Only!




felistia says...


Thank you so much for another review. We'll learn much more in the coming chapters. :D

Thanks for pointing out that typo. Need to fix that right way. Lol.




Generally speaking, a howling wilderness does not howl: it is the imagination of the traveler that does the howling.
— Henry David Thoreau