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Never Give Up

by mthanmark263


Long time ago in a village called Nigelin in Zimbabwe lived a women who was barren . Her name was Grace which means favor . All Grace ever wanted was to become a mother , she prayed to God day and night but nothing happened. 

One day a strange woman appeared at Grace's house carrying a white baby girl ,then she placed the baby at her door .Grace heard a knock and went to check who it was at the door , she could not belive what she saw . A cute baby girl at her door ,she looked around if the parent was still there but no one was there . She then took the baby inside the house . Luckily she had  some baby cloths to dress the baby, all she did was  to thank the Lord for answering her prayer . She did not  care about the skin color  the baby was . All she ever wanted was  a baby to raise . She named  the baby Joyful because she brought joy to her . Fourteen years passed and Joyful grew up this beautiful , independent and brave young girl . She was taught to love the Lord and never give up no matter what .

Unfortunately a terrible accident happened to her when she was on her way home  . Joyful was raped and cut off her right leg by a gang . Who wanted to use her body part as money ritual , luckily she survived all thanks to an old man who saw her bleeding in the bushes and took her to the hospital . When Joyful' s mother heard about what happened to her daughter she quickly rushed to the hospital that Joyful was in . After a few days Joyful was able to see and hear . Joyful' s mother knew she had to stay strong for her daughter so all she said was that , "They can rape , cut off your body parts and feed you poison but if God wants you to fulfill your destiny they can never kill you my child . In life we face challenges instead of crying we think about how we going   to face these challenges .My child what happened to was bad and no one deserves it . I will always  be with you. "

Joyful thought about the words her mother said and thanked God that she is still alive .Two months later Joyful came out of the hospital in a wheelchair instead of her crying she and her mother prayed for who ever did this to her must confess their sins . After a week a group of men had this disease where they would develop pimples  painful , swollen and pus coming out . No one knew what was happening and eventually the confessed everything they did to Joyful and died after that . Joyful was angry but forgave the men who raped her. 

Forty years passed and Joyful became a successful doctor who wanted to help those in need . She would donate to charity and help children in the streets . She became a well known doctor and died at the age of ninety years .


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Wed Sep 11, 2019 12:35 pm
Asith says...






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73 Reviews


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Wed Sep 11, 2019 12:35 pm
Asith wrote a review...



Hi!
I see the effort you've put in to creating a story with a moral here, and it's commendable. However, I think it's very rough around the edges -- but that's nothing a little revision can't fix!

We'll start with the minor point: your punctuation is syntaxed incorrectly. It's a minor error, but since punctuation is so important and appears so often in a piece of writing, the minor error looks awful to any reader! You don't need to wrap every punctuation mark in two spaces. One space after the punctuation is all you need.
This is wrong:
"Forty years passed and Joyful became a successful doctor who wanted to help those in need . She would donate to charity and help children in the streets . She became a well known doctor and died at the age of ninety years ."

This is right:
Forty years passed and Joyful became a successful doctor who wanted to help those in need. She would donate to charity and help children in the streets. She became a well known doctor and died at the age of ninety years.

See how much easier it is to read? It's an easy fix :)

However, syntax aside, a lot of your punctuation itself is wrong too. You should really look up punctuation rules, because it would really help your writing. Look up when to use commas, or even more advanced punctuation like semicolons.

Regarding the actual story, I have a few more points. For one, this is a story with a clear moral, and for those to work, the moral must be infallible. You might say that that's unrealistic, and it is, but for the sake of the story presenting its moral, the moral has to be foolproof and cemented as such. What you've done here presents too much doubt. For example, why did the girl who prayed and loved the Lord get raped in the first place? Why did her prayers only punish the gang men after they had committed their act? It makes praying seem like an act of revenge, which is obviously not the message you're going for. Additionally, the men suffer a gruesome death after the prayer and the first thing you say is that Joyful was angry. This again paints your message in a negative light; it would be much more effective to simply say she forgave them. (And I also wonder whether the men had to die? That seems to muddy your moral too)

Beyond that, you've done a good job of setting a scene and describing a short narrative. Some other things you might want to look into are pacing (the story seemed a little rushed, and abrupt -- especially at the ending. Do we really need such a sudden time-skip?) and showing the reader what's happening instead of telling them. You've clearly got the makings of a good writer in you, so good luck with whatever you do I'm future! :D




mthanmark263 says...


thanks for the review I will try to fix and improve my mistakes



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Wed Jul 31, 2019 9:41 am
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riancarthy wrote a review...



This was a nice short story. About belief, I thought it really opened my eyes and I loved how Joyful grew up to be a doctor and help others. It actually warmed my heart in ways! I was just a little confused as to how the mother, 'Grace', just happened to have 'some baby cloths' around the house ^-^! I loved the moral, all in all this is a very nice short story and make sure to continue writing as I can see you are very good! All the best!




mthanmark263 says...


WOW thanks its just I rush my stories a lot so I'm trying to solve that little problem of mine



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Tue Jul 30, 2019 1:53 pm
Sujit wrote a review...



On trying to convince us about belief I have to say a good Job!!! It gives us a piece of strong advice to stay strong and have a belief that something good will happen(Positive attitude). It reminds me of one of the lessons about forgiveness. By your writing, I am sure you practise these virtues in your daily life. Continue writing and hope to be inspired by your writings in the future.




mthanmark263 says...


thanks Sujit



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Tue Jul 23, 2019 7:36 am
IsProcrastinator wrote a review...



Well, I think this is a wonderful story, with a subtle essence of children's stories which has a moral, or a lesson for the readers.

I like how Grace raises Joyful like her own child. I felt really bad for Joyful when she had to face such trauma because of the group of men who raped and cut her leg off, honestly I wanted those men to be punished for their terrible crime, and I was really satisfied when they died from the horrible disease. But Joyful still chose to forgive them, despite the pain they had caused her. I think her action toward them in the end says a lot about her character, which I find quite interesting.

I also like how Grace was always there for her daughter, and provided her love and support when she needed it the most. The story makes us realize how much strength we truly have within ourselves.

Overall, I really liked it. But remember, there's always room for some improvement, friend!

Long time ago in a village called Nigelin in Zimbabwe lived a women who was barren .


A comma is necessary after ‘ago’. And it's supposed to be ‘a woman’, not ‘a women’.

One day a strange woman appeared at Grace's house carrying a white baby girl ,then she placed the baby at her door .


Comma after ‘one day’. You've inserted a comma after ‘baby girl’, but the space before the comma is unnecessary, rather, the space comes after the comma. It should go like :

‘. . . a white baby girl, then she placed the baby at her door.’

In life we face challenges instead of crying we think about how we going to face these challenges .


Insert ‘are’ between ‘how’ and ‘we’.

Inserting comma and periods in the right places is necessary for the dialogue to sound natural. Here's how you should go about it :

‘In life, we face challenges instead of crying. We think about how we are going to face these challenges.’

These are only minor mistakes that you'll be able to overcome easily, though. Looking forward to reading more of your works in the future! :)

Happy writing!




mthanmark263 says...


thanks for pointing out the mistakes I will try not to make them again in my next story



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Sun Jul 21, 2019 1:03 pm
JabberHut wrote a review...



This was a really cool story!

It does a really good job of portraying the miraculous strength God has compared to the rest of us, and how destiny is not in our complete control.

I like that we see miracles happen to both Grace and Joyful (Not just Joy?!) as it gives it this air of power and safety around them no one can penetrate. And it always comes back to the power of prayer. Even with something as horrible as a rape and forced amputation. It's terrifying stuff and not very easy to get over, but Joy managed it with the help of her mother and prayer.

I think about halfway through, the story gets a little convoluted with the rape scene. I know rape victims, and they never truly get over the event. Add an amputation (losing her leg) to the situation, and she'll most likely be suffering severe trauma for a while. I think she'd actually be battling a bout of fear or anxiety IN ADDITION to praying for their repentence. So basically, a little more human side to Joy during that encounter might make it more relatable. God knows we have to deal with fear and anxiety, so he's there for anyone who has to deal with those emotions at any level.

I didn't really understand why she lost her leg, but I kinda just trusted the narration that it was for a money ritual. I've never heard of that, but that doesn't mean it isn't true. This does make me ask, though, how she becomes a successful doctor despite losing her leg. This adds to the struggle of earning her doctorate! She can't just run around in an emergency, she has to wheel herself around. Unless this is a time and place where she can have a mechanical/robotic leg to help her out?

And finally, I do wonder if the black/white skin thing was necessary here. Her skin color never played a role here. I expected this to be an anti-racism story, but it turned into something else. So I'm not sure that's needed, as wonderful as an idea it is. Perhaps if it was mentioned that it played a role with the gang, like her lighter skin color would prove to be more valuable, it would make sense. If you stick to it, though, I'd prefer the ending be less about the white girl becoming a doctor and more about the white girl standing up for minorities. (In Zimbabwe, I imagine the white skin is a minority?)

So once you decide if this story is more about Joy facing racism or Joy facing rape/amputation, I think this story can really stand on its own. Give it a direction so it doesn't feel too scattered. I think you have a good start though. It has this feeling of a fairy tale or legend like it's teaching children valuable lessons. It's rather nice and a good change of pace to read!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!




mthanmark263 says...


thanks for the review , it really made me see where I made a mistake . I will try to not make the same mistake next time #mthanmark




Remember: the plot is nothing more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.
— Ray Bradbury