Hi Horisun,
Mailice here with a short review! 
I guess the day began normal. I mean, other than the excitement of my cousins coming, it was a pretty average day. We went to the park, messed around a bit, then grabbed some food. I still remember the day vividly, down to the amount of chicken nuggets in my happy meal. Four.
I like how your story here starts like a typical horror story and gives the reader a brief insight into the character's life. (I'm going from the point of view of the story, not the dream.) I also like how you summarise it briefly, leaving the impression that the narrator is a typical, normal character. I also liked the commentary towards the end, which made me smile. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I liked it. Again, I'm not sure, but since I assume that "happy meal" means McDonald's, the proper name should be written in capital letters.
When they finally got to our house, it wasn't normal. They weren't normal. To formal, to indifferent, to robotic. The only one who acted even a hint like themselves was Ben. But there was still something odd. Something malicious about him. I remember their being an strange redness about his eyes, and when you met them, you wanted to drop down to your knees, and beg mercy. Which, obviously, got us all suspicious, even if the strangeness of everyone else wasn't questioned.
From the perspective of a dream, I can well understand how the atmosphere changed completely from one point to the next. You build it up well here, but I think you could add some more details to give a better impression. You spent the first section giving us information, getting to know the narrator, and here we get Ben's name as a brief detail, but nothing else. It feels like the "plot" is now getting lost in the details and so this section feels good from a dream point of view but could be improved from a story point of view. Oh, a tiny mistake is here with “an strange redness”.
In general, you evoke quite an interesting story here. I'm very excited about what you've created and how the plot has developed here. You manage to develop a certain fear and excitement and also leave an impression, but at the end one stands here and wonders what will happen next. Again, from the point of view of the dream, I can imagine it very well and also understand how we got from X to Y without asking and answering the necessary questions, from the point of view of the story, it still arouses curiosity and many questions.
I think the dream short story itself is very great. It goes on with the plot without going directly into emotions and you notice that the narrator, as if on invisible rails, does not get away and keeps only one striking feature in mind throughout the dream.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
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Reviews: 1232
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