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Be Careful Who You Trust Chapter 11

by Honora


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Previously: After Katie's Mom was mysteriously killed by a beautiful blonde nurse, she frantically tries to find her once she's disappeared. Being convinced by James and Mrs. Borden to go home, she is told to go lie down by her "new Mom" while she figures out how to get custody over her. James keeps her company but they both failed to notice another's presence in the room.

Chapter 11

My eyes fluttered open as the dusky light of the sunset lit the room with an eerie light. I let them roam around the messy room, half expecting to see some sort of monster in the corner. I shifted slightly and with a start, I realized James was still beside me. Something surged inside of me as I took in his sleeping figure, laying there peacefully without a care in the world. I rolled my eyes slightly, knowing that for the life of me, now was not the time to even consider how cute he was.

Everything seemed like a dream. The past three days felt like a hazy dream and I just woke up and would go downstairs to my parents cooking breakfast. I looked down at my hands and saw the gash in my palm from the glass I’d fallen on in my wild chase for the “nurse”. With the sight of it came full realization that it wasn’t just some weird, twisted dream but reality. I had really been attacked by vampires and then claimed by one. I had really gone through both of my parents’ deaths and seen some weird transformation at the moment of Mom’s death. I was really going to be staying at the Bordens’ house until I was old enough to leave it. Wow…my life had changed.

“It’s okay. You get used to it after a while.” A painfully, recognizable voice said from the corner.

I jumped to my feet and stuttered at the short, feminine figure stood from its sitting position, “What do you want?”

I wanted to scream at her but I somehow knew she wasn’t going to harm me. Although she killed my parents, her aura was that of harmony. My “feeling” did little to reassure my racing heart beating the crap out of my ribcage. I swear she could hear it from where she stood across the room.

She may have been short but her curves were all in the right places, giving her a very charming appeal. Her hair fell around her shoulder in wavy curls and her blue eyes and freckles made her look devilishly divine. She looked to be a few years older than me but not by much at all. If I had to guess, I’d say she was nineteen-twenty.

She smiled, looking very serene as she spoke softly, “I understand that you have absolutely no reason to trust me but I’m not here to hurt you. I just want to explain to you the reasons behind my actions.”

To my dismay, my voice cracked as I replied hotly, “You murdered my parents!”

She chuckled and drew a deep breath before saying, “Actually, I didn’t. Those things you called your parents did.”

My face wrinkled up in a frown. What was she talking about? No…she was just trying to pique my curiosity to keep me distracted while she planned on how to kill me.

But if she wanted to kill me, she would have done it while I was sleeping, a nagging thought sprung to my mind.

“No. You did. I saw you. You put that needle into Mom’s arm and you pushed whatever it was that you used to kill her into her.” I said, my voice pitching higher in an attempt not to cry.

My voice must have pitched high enough to wake James up because he shifted slightly and opened his eyes. At first, sleep filled them but once he caught sight of the imposing presence, he jumped up beside me and put his one arm in front of me.

“Katie, get back.” He said, his low growl almost surprising me.

The girl smirked and gestured to James as she asked me, “Got your very own watchdog, eh? Well, down boy, down.”

He cocked his head sideways and I swear he actually growled. It was a low, guttural growl that had emanated from his throat. This time, I did feel a bit of surprise.

She raised her one eyebrow up and her smirk intensified, “Oh, a literal watchdog. How funny.” In one swift motion, she pulled something out of her jacket pocket and brought it to her lips, shooting something at James. He pulled back as it hit him square in the chest but did nothing to pull it out. I watched in horror as two more thudded within an inch radius of the first. He recoiled again and I felt him waver in his stance. His knees buckled from underneath him and he collapsed.

I screeched as I tried to break his fall and the blonde looked at me, a warning in her icy eyes.

“Katie, James, is everything alright up there?” Mrs. Borden called from the bottom of the stairs.

In one swift movement, she had James’ head in her hands and held a blade to his neck. The small twitch in her eyebrow was a silent dare to tell Mrs. Borden what was happening.

I swallowed hard and forced a chuckle as I called back, “It’s alright. James scared me is all.”

“Okay. Supper will be on the table in about half an hour.”

“Okay.” I said silently, praying that she wouldn’t let the blade slide along James’ throat. To my relief, she took the blade away from him and in silence, I tried to think of a way out of this as she moved him onto the bed. I couldn’t help but stare at the four inch silver darts that protruded out of his chest. Trickles of blood stained his white shirt and I winced inwardly as I thought about how he had fallen directly onto them, driving them deeper into his flesh.

I stood ever so still, almost hoping she would forget about me if I willed it hard enough. Unfortunately, she turned to me and put her hand on her hip.

“Now that is not how I wanted things to go. Next time, tell your watchdog to back off.” She said as she flicked her hair over her shoulder.

Even though she hadn’t outright said it, I knew deep down that James wasn’t all he said he was either. Damn, was anyone in my life true to what they said they were?

I sneered at her and said, “I’ll do what I want.”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, “Enough of this childish banter. I’m here to explain myself to you and tell you who you really are. You have no idea how hard it’s been to find you, Katie. You, my friend, are no lucky son of a gun.”

Puzzled, I stayed silent and waited for her to continue, “You have no idea, do you?” She sighed and asked, “Have you ever heard of the Blue Moon Prophecy?”

I shook my head. Blue Moon Prophesy?

“Ugh, this is going to take longer than I thought it would. Well, why don’t we go somewhere a little less prickly about me, eh?” She said, taking a step toward me. Somehow, my instincts threw me a few feet further away from her as she moved. I didn’t want her being any closer than she had to be. She may have showed me no signs of harming me but I didn’t trust her. Why should I?

I glanced at James who was slumped in the bed, unconscious. He would have looked peaceful if it wasn’t for the big darts sticking out of his chest.

She followed my gaze and chuckled, “He’ll be fine. Let’s go,” she moved toward me again and I jumped back. Seeing my defiance, her voice turned to steel, “And if you don’t come quietly, I’ll put two of those in your chest. Or no, his chest. He’s strong, I’ll give him credit but two more doses of Dane’s Blood would kill him. It’s your choice.” She gestured towards the window as an invitation to leave.

My breath caught in my throat and my body shuddered as I came to the chilling realization that if I didn’t go, she would kill him. She’d killed my parents, why would she hesitate to kill James?

It’s alright, Katie. Go with her and I will find you. Shelter from the sun comes as the night does and I will be able to roam the streets for you.

Feeling suddenly assured of my situation as Zander spoke protectively, I tilted my chin up proudly and sniffed indignantly, “Fine. But if you don’t take those things out of him, I’m not coming.”

She rolled her eyes and sighed as if I was just a child. Her continual behaviour to treat me as a child was getting annoying. Sure, I didn’t have a creepy dart pipe that shoots sick looking darts or as much knowledge about this whole magical reality but I wasn’t a child. I could do…other things.

“You dumb newbie, I can’t remove the Dane’s Blood or else he will be freed of his comatose state. That would prove problematic now wouldn’t it?” She rolled her again as she spoke, making my blood start to boil at her annoying way of making me sound stupid with every smart thing she could spew out of that perfect mouth of hers. Just the fact that she was pretty made me mad.

My lips tightened in a thin line, an idea coming to my mind. I was closer to the bed than she was. I would have to walk past it to get to the window.

Heart racing, I moved slowly toward her, pretending to be unsure of my decision as she walked backwards to the window. Damn, she was keeping a close eye on me.

I could feel the edge of the rug at my feet and I fake tripped on it, making myself spring forward onto the bed beside James. I gasped in fake pain and glanced up to see her rolling her eyes. That seemed to be her signature move.

“Oh my gosh, could you be any more of a newbie?” She asked, almost to herself. I hid a smirk. One thing about me was my short height tended to leave me underestimated by a lot of people. They didn’t realize that I could be just as quick on my feet as others, leaving them for a nasty surprise. It also helped that she saw me as a child and for the first time in the last five minutes, I was happy that she automatically had seen herself superior to me.

“Yes, I think I could be.” I said vigorously, flinging my arm to James’ chest. My fingers clasped around the three darts and I yanked up as hard as I could, ignoring the sharp edges that cut into my already injured palm. I felt the warm stickiness of blood running down the creases of my fingers and palm and down my arm. Damn, they were sharp!

“No!” She screamed as James’ eyes fluttered open. She lunged at him but he counteracted her attack and rolled to his feet. I shuffled out of the way and huddled myself in the corner of the room in-between the bed and closet. I squeezed my eyes shut as they fought. Glass shattered and I peeked them open to see Jennifer’s deer touch lamp laying broken on the floor. She was not going to be happy about that.

The girl had James pinned to the ground and was fumbling in her jacket pocket for something.

The darts! She’s going to dart him! I thought in horror. I forced my muscles to move and ran full charge at her. She heard rather than saw me coming but didn’t react fast enough. My abdomen hit her shoulder full on, knocking me out of breath as we crashed to the floor. My chest landed on her knee and I gasped for breath from the two blows.

She was about to reach for me, her face twisted in annoyance but James brought the stem of the broken lamp down on her head, knocking her out cold. She fell to the floor with a limp thud just as Mrs. Borden burst the door open. I jumped up in surprise as a handgun was in her hands with perfect comfortableness. She met my eyes and glanced down at the unconscious girl. She lowered the gun and took a step into the room.

“Well, you’ve got some explaining to do.” She said, her voice almost sounding amused.

James and I sighed. Sweat dripped off of him and he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Blood smeared on his skin and he grunted with frustration as he saw it. Seeing his bloody nose and lip, I looked down at my hand. Six new, large gashes cut across my palm and fingers from where I’d grabbed the darts. I winced, knowing that they just might need stitches.

I looked up at Mrs. Borden again and she shook her head slowly, obviously realizing that having me around might just bring even more attention to her family from the other world. I hoped she wouldn’t rethink her decision to let me stay there.

Getting myself to my feet again, I looked at the girl. A rush of familiarity coursed through me and I felt like I knew her. It seemed deeper than just seeing her from the hospital but how could I know her? My own curiosity was killing me.

Who was she?


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Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:07 pm
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xJade wrote a review...



Professor Jade here, blah, blah, blah, skipping the formalities. I'm so sorry I don't review quicker and I have no good reason, but I read it when it came out, forgot to review I doubt you missed it anyway XD and here we are, whoop.

OK, let me just begin.... I hope you know the drill by now (Also, some of this may feel patchy because after I read this a month ago i saved a bit of this as a draft, just in case you thought):P!

My eyes fluttered open as the dusky light of the sunset lit the room with an eerie light. I let them roam around the messy room, half expecting to see some sort of monster in the corner. I shifted slightly and with a start, I realized James was still beside me. Something surged inside of me as I took in his sleeping figure, laying there peacefully without a care in the world. I rolled my eyes slightly, knowing that for the life of me, now was not the time to even consider how cute he was.

All your sentences are of the same length, even though this is unique, it makes it feel repetitive.
EXAMPLE TIME ALREADY! Read these two and chose one:

She walked to the store. She bought eggs and milk. Then she walked home. She had a cat named Whiskers. He was red and furry.

NOW THIS:
She walked to the store, bought eggs and milk, and returned home to her cat, Whiskers. He was red and furry.

Different lengths are soothing to the flow and it doesn't mean often abrupt stops! It's all a style preference but Ive noticed it helps a lot with smoother writing. Now I wanna keep writing about the cat XD

Everything seemed like a dream. The past three days felt like a hazy dream and I just woke up and would go downstairs to my parents cooking breakfast. I looked down at my hands and saw the gash in my palm from the glass I’d fallen on in my wild chase for the “nurse”. With the sight of it came full realization that it wasn’t just some weird, twisted dream but reality. I had really been attacked by vampires and then claimed by one. I had really gone through both of my parents’ deaths and seen some weird transformation at the moment of Mom’s death. I was really going to be staying at the Bordens’ house until I was old enough to leave it. Wow…my life had changed.

To leave it, please try to never end sentences with the word it unless you have to. It sound better if you leave it off.
Also, for the words themselves, the fact you have to say where the plot is going feels forced. I know you're following her train of thought, but try to make the character developments shown in actions of the characters and through words.
Maybe they have picked up new vocabulary? Maybe they're more aggressive or locked up than they were in the start? Have them react EXACTLY how you would if you were them in that situation.
Saying that, of course every character is different and I'm rambling. KKKK moving on a bit more now.


“No. You did. I saw you. You put that needle into Mom’s arm and you pushed whatever it was that you used to kill her into her.” I said, my voice pitching higher in an attempt not to cry.

My voice must have pitched high enough to wake James up because he shifted slightly and opened his eyes. At first, sleep filled them but once he caught sight of the imposing presence, he jumped up beside me and put his one arm in front of me.

“Katie, get back.” He said, his low growl almost surprising me.

The girl smirked and gestured to James as she asked me, “Got your very own watchdog, eh? Well, down boy, down.”

He cocked his head sideways and I swear he actually growled. It was a low, guttural growl that had emanated from his throat. This time, I did feel a bit of surprise.



Please, you don't have to do tags every time someone talks.

"May I have a cheeseburger?" Lola asked Bob, her voice pleading.
"No," Bob replied with a shout.
"Please?" she continued to beg.
"I said no, they are mine." Bob screamed.

IDK anymore... It's a rule of thumb that if you know who is speaking, don't use tags. they only show down the characters words and can disrupt a flow.
Trust me, if you're conveying it right (which you are!) then people will understand what tone they are using.
Lastly, you use the word said too much, try to be more descriptive:
Mumbled
Shouted
Declared
Proclaimed
Announced
Said loudly
Their voice was low and urgent.


You get the idea. Also, I know I'm pointing out more prose and style but I think your story line and depth is on fleek! Yeet!

The darts! She’s going to dart him! I thought in horror. I forced my muscles to move and ran full charge at her. She heard rather than saw me coming but didn’t react fast enough. My abdomen hit her shoulder full on, knocking me out of breath as we crashed to the floor. My chest landed on her knee and I gasped for breath from the two blows.

NOOOOOOO, YOU MISTAKE ME FOR A FOOL! XD K, so you NEVER explain a plot to a character, you have so much to use, you don't outright say, "she was going to dart him."
Never think your reader is stupid enough to not understand.

You could have worded it:
She lifted the dart up

So we get the idea without it feeling lazy.

K, that's all. I know this was a bit harsh and I'm sorry, I love this story even if I don't show it and I know after a month or something this is random, but here we go.
Hope this helped a little :P

Professor Jade




Honora says...


Hey Jade! Thanks for the review! Don%u2019t worry, no matter how late they come, I always enjoy hearing what you have to say! You are always helpful and a harsh review is always needed. Thanks again! :)



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Sat Jul 13, 2019 7:40 am
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Awru wrote a review...



Read this fricking Awesome novel in seriously one go.I don't even have words to explain its amazingness.Its just so intense and interesting,cute and freaky at the same time certainly a full package.I loved every minute i was reading this.I am lost for words which is a pretty rare thing if i do say so myself.It has so much suspense so many questions in it u just can't stop.This novel seriously boggles your brain it makes you think like what the heck can this be happening or that in a good way.Everything has been done to literal perfection.You have just got yourself a new fan.Tag me for the next chapters

Keep Up the Excellent Work :smt023

Peace Out




Honora says...


Thank you! I can definitely say that I am excited to have you reading it. It is encouraging. :)
I will tag you for the next ones! Thanks again!



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Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:10 am
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shieldmaiden wrote a review...



Good grief girl!!! You couldn't make this story even more compelling if you tried! (Or perhaps u could since that is what you have been doing so far) So, let me get this straight:
1. That blonde chick might not be actually evil
2. Katie's parents weren't her real parents
3. Katie is connected strongly to a mysterious prophecy
4. James may be a werewolf
5. Mrs Borden may be a Hunter as well
You are amazing! This chapter was so incredible and so well written. It was fast, but didn't feel rushed and still left me wanting for more! I'm already all pons and needles for the next one. Keep writing!
-Shieldmaiden




Honora says...


Lol thanks! I worked on it some more today so I hope to have another out next week sometime! :D



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Thu Jul 11, 2019 7:46 pm
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Liberty wrote a review...



Yo Hon!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review! Let's hop right in.

YOU TOOK SO FREAKING LONG TO POST THIS WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

But who am I to whine? It's here so I'm all good now!

She rolled her again as she spoke, making my blood start to boil at her annoying way of making me sound stupid with every smart thing she could spew out of that perfect mouth of hers.


She rolled her what again? You've got a word missing there. Also, "perfect mouth", lol, Katie is so jealous! XD

That seemed to be her signature move.


LOL XD

She lunged at him but he counteracted her attack and rolled to his feet.


Wait, he was unconscious. How'd he suddenly counteract? That sounds kinda impossible, but then again, this is your story, and you might have something hidden in here.

I shuffled out of the way and huddled myself in the corner of the room in-between the bed and closet.


Mmm, I don't think "in between" really needs a hyphen in between it.

Lol.

In between. XD

Who was she?


WHO IS SHE? I'm so curious. My curiosity, I think, is more than Katie's. How does she look familiar? Like, yeah, we saw her at the hospital, but is there a hidden scene or something? Or did you just not write anything of that sort in the book? I don't remember anything of that sort.

Dun dun duuuuunnnn.

The suspense.

Okay. I'm done with my review. This was so fun to read! I love it so much! And I'm seriously excited about reading the next chapter. Also: A little comment on the title of your story.

Spoiler! :

It's the perfect title! No one to trust, because of Nathan and Zander and Jennifer and... Oh my gosh. It's lovely!



Anyways, all done. Hope this helped in one way or the other. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me anytime, anywhere!

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty




Honora says...


Hey Lib! First off, thanks for the awesome review!
To explain James being suddenly awake is because of you take the Dane%u2019s Blood darts out of his chest, he wakes up to be in the same state as he was before. Maybe I didn%u2019t explain it good enough but that%u2019s what I intended the reader to know. ;)
Could you be a doll and just reread the few paragraphs where I explain the Dane%u2019s Blood? Just so I know whether it was okay or not? You don%u2019t have to tho! :D
Thanks again!



Liberty says...


I'll read it. :) Your welcome.



Liberty says...


I'll read it. :) Your welcome.



Liberty says...


I'll read it. :) Your welcome.



Honora says...


:D thanks!



Liberty says...


All you say in it is that the blood is gonna kill him if you put two more darts in.



Honora says...


Ok I will have to edit that lol



Liberty says...


(:




If you run now, you will be running the rest of your life.
— Reborn