Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whichever it is in your part of the world),

Tenth Chapter (Yaaay!!! Quarter of the way through the set of 43),

First Impression: Wisp Talons being revealed as cannibals. And ones that are very violent and like trophies. Interesting. Also another great cliffhanger.

So anyway let's get on with it,

The sun was just rising over the island when Zoltar stirred. The growing light bathed the land, flooding it in a sea of crimson and copper hues. The sweet calls of birds filled the misty air as the creatures of the forest began to awaken.

Zoltar stretched, flexing his claws as he yawned.

Taking a deep breath of the cool breeze flowing through the vines cloaking the entrance to the cave, he looked around. Felistia's soft breaths and Shiraku’s walrus snores emanated off the cave walls behind him. They couldn’t know about what he was doing.

Zoltar quietly walked over to the cave entrance, the sun shimmering off his onyx black scales. He stepped up to the opening, his claws on the very edge. Closing his eyes, he tipped off the edge of the cave. The wind tugged at his tail and whistled through his ears and snout as he plummeted downwards. A carpet of green and yellow rushed up to meet him and at the last second he snapped open his eyes, thrust out his wings and catch the air. His claws skimmed the tree tops, scattering bright green leaves and vivid red berries in all directions. The sun was warm on his back as he tilted his wings and soared up above the forest.

Spring was in the air. The trees were in full bloom, the whole forest bursting with color. As Zoltar scanned below him, he was reminded of Krakatoa’s last words to him. He only had until winter to complete his mission. Spring was already in full swing and soon it would be summer. He had to focus and hurry. This was only the first thing he had to retrieve and who knew how long it would take to get the rest of the objects for the Riconra?

Dark shapes darted through the trees around the clearing, carefully staying in the shadows. Shining yellow eyes stared out of the trees at him, alive with menace. Zoltar caught the flash of a silver claw as the creatures retreated back into the depths of the woods. A chill ran down his spin. He had to be careful. There was more than the Wisp Talons out there and a lone dragon was easy prey.

He slowly inched further into the dim wood. The trees creaked as the wind brushed through the ancient boughs. The leaves rustled overhead like rain on a wooden roof. Leaves floated through the air, before dropping limply back down onto the forest floor. The shadows danced over the ground as Zoltar padded through the undergrowth, his paws make no sound.

Zoltar squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep his thoughts from Nira, but they still came. The image of the Wisp Talon lunging at her, striking her with its deadly bite, it was burned into his memory. It all went by in a flash. The attack, the escape, his sense of relief, before it all came crashing down on him with her lying lifeless on that still, cold beach.

He swallowed the lump building in his throat and heaved a sigh. He couldn’t let this affect him. It was in the past. He couldn’t help her. She was gone. What mattered was the mission. Slim as the chance may be he was the Shadow Talons only hope. He had to do his best.

Suddenly a twig snapped somewhere behind him. He whipped his head round, his amethyst eyes scanning the shadows for signs of movement. His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his throat, but all was silent apart from his heart pounding in his ears. He remained there for a few moments, staring out into the gloom of the forest, but nothing happened.

It should be safe. The Wisp Talons seemed to only come out at night and he hadn’t seen any on his flight here.

The forest was getting denser all around him and the smell was almost overpowering. It reeked of decaying and rotting meat. Nausea started to rage through his stomach.

He passed through a clump of spiky bushes and almost tripped on a spine protruding from the earth. Zoltar jumped back in horror. In front of him was the remains of a Shadow Talon. The skull was mounted on a branch jutting out of the ground a few steps from him. The rest of the bones were scattered around it.

Suddenly there was a roar from behind him as something leapt through the undergrowth, pounced onto his back and knocked him to the ground.

“Don’t move,” it hissed, holding him against the damp, slimy leaves covering the forest floor.

This was quite a tense chapter!

Here's my review:

The plot thickens! The ending was quite startling and gruesome. Who are these wisp talons exactly? They don't seem very nice. And who pounced on Zoltar at the end? Hopefully not a wisp talon... Anyway, your descriptions were, again, wonderful. I honestly would combine this chapter with the previous one though, as the last one was quite short and this one was a tad short as well. Also, you made some typos, so I would check it over for those, as like usual I didn't necessarily catch them all.

The sun was just rising over the island when Zoltar stirred. The growing light bathed the land, flooding it in a sea of crimson and copper hues. The sweet calls of birds filled the misty air as the creatures of the forest began to awaken.

He needed to get going. The sooner he found a Wisp Talon and got a scale the better. He’d decided the night before that he’d have to go back to the place he’d first seen the Wisp Talons. It was the only place he knew of and there was a possibility he’d find a shed scale, which he’d prefer over having to confront a Wisp Talon.

and Shiraku’s walrus snores emanated off the cave walls

A chill ran down his spin.

looking into the forests inky depths.

Slim as the chance may be he was the Shadow Talons only hope. He had to do his best.

Zoltar smelt the air again, taking in all the scents around him and somewhere in that jumble

The skull was mounted on a branch jutting out of the ground a few steps from him. The rest of the bones were scattered around it.

“Don’t move,” it hissed, holding him against the damp, slimy leaves covering the forest floor.

GOOD MORNING!

Bahahaha, walrus snores.

I think Zoltar was sleeping at the cave entrance. I remember him staring at the night sky before he slept. Maybe I'm wrong though. I'm on my tablet, so it's harder for me to go back and check.

It can't be Scorpus, can it?! He couldn't possibly have decayed by now.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IT'S SCORPUS. OMG THEY ATE HIM. THEY SKINNED HIM AND OMG.

OKAY so that's either Felistia or Shiraku. It has to be.

HE'S GONNA GET AMBUSHED.

Omg how eerie. They actually picked Scorpus' bones clean. I really, really love that you brought Scorpus back into this. How awful would it have been if Scorpus had, like, this strong hatred for Wisp Talons only to have been killed and picked clean by the very dragons themselves. Or worse if he had an admiration for them. Any sort of feelings toward these guys only to be killed so barbariously. omg.

This chapter moved a littel slower, but the build up to the end was awesome, so it all worked out really. And you just HAD to end on a cliffhangar. I think there was a namedrop of the ruby itself, which I don't remember was said last chapter, so either way, that was smooth and I liked it. I can be pretty slow when it comes to names.

I really like that this chapter was really just about Scorpus and dealing with the recent memories of losing his comrades. He absolutely would have recognized the site he was at, I'm sure, so it all just came flooding back pretty hard. Dealing with all these emotions of Nira. Scorpus is still handled with rather lackluster acknowledgment, so I wonder if you need to develop their relationship a bit more in general so that we get a better idea of how close these two were or what kind of relationship they had. Twenty years is nothing to gawk at (as a human teehee), so I'm sure he has some happy memories or tough-love memories with Scorpus to think about too in addition to all of the Nira memories he has.

And I'm surprised losing his brother and his family hasn't come up in all of this grief. He's literally lost everyone he's ever loved, including his own family. So I'd imagine they would come up at some point too, sot he first chapter/prologue scene isn't just there to simply jump into the plot.

Short and quick, though! I look forward to seeing who jumped him (How could a well-trained soldier allow that to happen??) and why!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Hiya feli!

Hope you're doing great today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review! Let's get right into it now, shall we? Alright, starting from here:

A carpet of green and yellow rushed up to meet him and at the last second he snapped open his eyes, thrust out his wings and catch the air.

A chill ran down his spin.

Hello Trops is here again with a short review for you finally, again sorry it took so long. Life is starting to take over. *Frown*

Anyway let's start.

May I just start off my saying this chapter was amazing, and I loved every second of it. But there were a few things I saw that could be fixed.

Okay here is the first one.

He should be safe so long as he was back well before sun down.

A carpet of green and yellow rushed up to meet him and at the last second he snapped open his eyes,

His claws skimmed the tree tops,

A chill ran down his spin.

A cold chill ran down his spine.

NOOOOOOOOOO, WHO IS IT?

Hi.

This was a very interesting chapter though this is the first one I'm reading from the novel. And because of which I'm thinking the MC is a Dragon or something similar to the kind. Or just a man with wings and tails, I don't know but it's because of my unawareness to the story and the characters and it's not on you. Yes, I just wanted to establish that.

This was really interesting, as I've already mentioned before. I really loved the description of his leap from the cave's edge and him opening his wings to fly. It was very visual and I got excited just by reading it. I think you did a good job describing all of his feelings. Even though I'm not aware of the premise, it made me think he was looking to feel something, a kick, a high-- like how, we go for a stroll, he had to flex and fly.

You had my attention till he was flying and once he got to the ground and inspect his surroundings, I zoned out. Because of repetitiveness. Him feeling like his heart will burst out his throat, and his heart skipping a beat are almost same feeling said in two different paragraphs. And there was a lot of, "he saw that and this and that" in four different paragraphs.

I'm just thinking maybe you can condense all of his sights in one paragraph and trim out all the other unnecessary repetitive details. For eg:

He carefully placed his paws in front of him, taking great care not the make a noise.

Being careful not to make a sound,