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E - Everyone Violence Mature Content

Everything Is Not What It Seems ( 8 years later)

by BjEdwards


Book One: Prologue

I laid there in the room as the darkness began to consume us, the light began to sneak in as if it was a peeping tom lurking for a view. The naked bodies moved around next to me, I laid at the edge of the bed as her naked busum brushed against my back. My arm hanging off the edge of the bed as I stared into nothing, thinking; well my thoughts were everywhere at the moment, and nowhere as well. I heard my brother snore continuously while I turned around on the bed trying to get comfortable. The messed up part about it, I was actually tired and yet I couldn’t sleep. I placed the woman’s arm on a pillow as I walked around the hotel room searching for my boxers, stepping over used wrappers, and empty alcohol bottles. The furniture arranged in all type of ways until finally I found the green shorts that were placed on the couch by the window.



I stared over the city of Modesto , looking out towards the moon. The city lights seemed to get brighter as fog cleared revealing the cities jewels. I quickly searched for my clothes which were on the other side of the room next to the door, laced my feet with my running shoes as I headed towards the elevator. Feeling the alcohol bubble up in my throat giving me that nauseating feeling as the elevator shot downwards towards the lobby. I watched the floors change from 6 to 5, 5 to 4, until I closed my eyes; my head ached as the door opened; I quickly made my way towards the doors before the valet stopped me “Sir, do you need me to get your car, are you checking out?” He gave me a neutral expression, not smiling or frowning. I just shook my head continuing on through the doors until my feet met the pavement.



I inhaled the night air while I stared into the sky , the stars seemed to shine like jewels in the atmosphere. The jogging seemed to happen on its own, my legs began to move, my feet began to toughen, before I was ready I was making my way down the street when my headache increased. My head throbbed in sync with my stride, each step I made the pain increased until I couldn’t run any longer. The pain began to bring me to my knees as I clutched at my skull, feeling like needles were drilling into my brain. And at that moment I heard her voice “Cameron” and the pain stopped. I began to breathe heavily as I tried to recover.



I even wobbled as I stood up like I was still drunk from the previous night. I looked around to notice the streets were empty, I mean technically a couple cars were driving passed but no'one seemed to notice. I turned around and headed towards the hotel; almost instantly, the headache crept back into my brain the pain stopped me in my place I turned around facing the way I was running until the voice echoed off in my skull “Cameron, Find me” the words were loud in my ears as if speakers were blasting.



I began to walk straight , one car would drive by, stop at the light and continue to make its way down the street further from me; then another car would do the same followed by another. The sidewalk was ragged, cracked even, graffiti covered the walls illustrating the huge words “Modesto” and blue bold letters. By the condition of the street and the tattooed walls I continued to walk pass I knew I was in a dangerous part of town, I wouldn’t say dangerous, I would say option less. I glanced at the street lights that switched on and off signaling the cars to go and stop, I watched as the fog uncovered the moon and unveiling its beautiful light. I deeply inhaled the air, feeling the cold breeze soothe my skin.



And in that instant I seen her, I don’t know who she was or how I knew but I couldn’t explain it. She stood there across the street, leaning against the wall, staring directly at me. Her body was laced with a black dress; the texture seemed to stick to her hips like it was her skin itself. Her breast full and petite, brown curls fell against them like vines in a jungle. Her eyes were brown, hyponistizing, seductive. I started to cross the street without even realizing , walking blindly. All I saw was her, this woman I didn’t even know and yet, I was in love with her. Before you know it a car speeds right past me; nearly running over my toes.The noise of the loud horn made my heart race breaking me out of that trance. As I look back in her direction she was gone, I turned around searching, even looking up the buildings as if she had crawled up one. Disappointment started to consume me, I wanted to know her, I loved her.



I continued down the street passing up gas stations that should be lit up with light but to my surprise it was dark. And actually I began to notice there weren’t anymore cars driving around, I mean it was about 4:30 in the morning so it was expected. But the streets lights were no longer on, there was no light on street as I made my way and whatever direction I thought I would find her, trying to hear her voice in my head as if she was speaking right in front of me but to my disappointment I found nothing. I crossed back over to the side of the street making my way back to the hotel when noticed a man. He stood in the street about 2 blocks behind me. The man stood awkwardly bending his back in an awkward position as he stared blankly towards the sky. His shoulders was laced with an all black coat that fell to his thighs, he had dreads that hung wildly over his chest and back like branches from a tree.



The moon shined down on him like a spotlight revealing his face. He began to shake horribly his fingers outstretched as if he was being shocked and then he paused. His neck snapped to the right and then to the left his hands were now balled into fist. He opened his mouth as he continued to stare blankly into the moon. My body was frozen as I watched this horrific transition the mans jaw began to break wobbling out of place as he groaned in pain before it snapped back in place.That groan soon turned into growl as I stood in shock as his teeth began to fall out one by one, blood dripping from his mouth. Each tooth hit the pavement , his mouth then revealed fangs that made my stomach cringe. Sharp jagged canines then emerged themselves from his gums as his growl grew louder even into a snarl.



His palms were now open each of his fingers shaking until they began to break , each finger snapping in and out of place like he was double jointed, his fingernails began to fall off dying his fingertips with blood. Claws then stretched out of those fingertips and that is when I began to back away. This man was not human, his eyes then went all white eliminating his brown iris. Veins began to pulse under his eyelids as if worms were crawling under his skin. His head snapped quickly in my direction making my heart stop, his eyes then changed back. His iris was now yellow, glowing even and he began to smile in a way that made my bones shake and at that moment I began to run.



I felt him gaining on me as I sprinted towards the hotel, my legs feeling heavy as I pressed my feet hard against the concrete trying to pull away from this creature. My heart was crashing against my chest trying to escape. I noticed a car coming in the distance but could I make it? I felt him on my heels grabbing at my neck trying to snatch me up. As the car came close I darted a cross the street getting chipped by the car spinning me off my feet not before I heard the car crash hard into something stopping directly behind me. The air began to seep back into my lungs letting the pain kick in, my leg was bent in a way that would sicken most viewers. The blood came out the wound where a shard of bone stuck out, the break was lower closer to my ankle and shin I don’t know if I was going into shock or if I was losing a lot of blood because my leg began to go numb.



I stared at the car as smoke rose from the destruction, the whole front of the car was totaled the hood crashed in as if it ran into a pole. The car began to move and rock, the creature lives. His growl seemed to echo off the buildings. He appeared then staring blankly at me , I then heard another noise. A call for help; the creature then turned to the car and then he turned back at me. And the smile he gave me revealing those jagged sharp teeth that reminded me of broken glass he shoved his arm through the glass window snatching the man out by his throat. The man struggled to breath as the creatures palm wrapped around his throat, his neck dripping with blood from his claws and in that moment he thrusted his face in the mans throat, ripping the skin into shreds. The man screamed in horror as the creature fed into his throat until the man’s shriek turned into a gargle, and then into nothing at all. The man hung lifeless in the grasp of this creature as it continued to chew into his throat until his body collapsed on the pavement and the creature still held his head in its hands.



I laid there in shock as the puddle of blood made its way towards my feet. His focus was now on me and I decided that I wasn’t going to run. I crawled towards the light pole , holding onto it for dear life as I got myself up standing on my left leg as my right was disfigured. I stood up tall as it approached me , the head bouncing off the street as it dropped it in front of me. He then grabbed my throat with quickness I couldn’t fathom, his gripped tighten sticking his claws deep into my neck. I stared into his face but all I could see was his eyes, his dreads hung over his face like roots from a plant and thats when I heard him “You are special Cameron and you don’t even know it” as my eyes widen he stuck his face in my neck bitting through my skin like bread. I felt the blood draining from my body, I felt its wetness drip down my chest and shoulders wetting my stomach.



-Part One: Transition



- Cameron

My vision began to blur and my body began to numb and in that moment I knew I was dying until I woke up. My heart pounded rapidly as I jumped out of the bed falling right on my face realizing my leg had fallen asleep. I just laid there surrounded by used wrappers and loose clothing “It was just a dream?” I thought to myself; there I was in the hotel like I never left. My boxers and clothes still in the same place and I was still naked. I walked over towards the coach snatching my boxers to put on. My chest still pounding , I sat there on the coach wiggling my toes back in forth trying to bring feeling back into my leg; the strange thing is, the leg that is asleep is the leg that I broke in my dream. I made my way to the bathroom as I cut on the shower. I sat on the toilet staring blankly into the mirror of the door as the hot water filled the room with steam.



I hopped in the hot shower feeling the relaxation consume my whole body. The water massaged my skin and removed my headache as I put my head under the stream. My dreads soaked in the water like snakes in a swamp, it was odd every time I closed my eyes I could see her, those brown eyes. Before I realized the water had then ran cold and I began to shiver there was even a knock on the door “Bro I need to poop you been in there for like 3 hours” I glanced at my palms which were wrinkly. I cut the shower off exiting the shower as I let my brother in. He quickly rushed passed me shutting the door behind me, the two women walked around the hotel cleaning it as if that was their job. They both stared at me as I sat on the bed removing my towel revealing the shaft that laid below.



I quickly threw on the same boxers, and the same clothes that followed. The two women laughed and giggled from the memories last night, the ones I favored so much. Seeing both of their naked bodies move in the darkness as the music played. Immanuel finally came out the bathroom while I began to roll up, the rolling contraption was a black metal box, I broke down the herb on the hotel rooms night stand, feeling the air with that cookie aroma. I laced the herb with an authentic,organic rolling paper that soothe my lungs so delicately. Placing the cigar sized joint in the metal box. Quickly gathering what we needed as we began to exit the hotel room , taking one glance towards the window where we could see all the city, I could agree every city looks better at night. As the door closed the sound of it echoed down the hall, the walkway was small I could probably touch both sides of the walls with each of my arms.



Our room wasn’t far from the elevator as I pressed the button to give the lift machine life. I watched as the floors changed on the overlay monitor going in sequence from one to six. I could feel the after effects from the alcohol I consumed last night. Feeling the nausea build up in my throat and my stomach jerked as the elevator descended towards the lobby. It was like I didn’t get any sleep at all, my energy drained not only from the two women but also from the lack of concentration, my dreams haven’t allowed me to sleep, my dreams leave me drained.



Immannuel walked sluggishly to the car as one of the sisters quickly latched onto his arm as he exited the hotel doors, I headed to the front desk remembering to get the key from the valet. Totally forgetting about the valet in general until he quickly remembered my face and jetted out towards the parking lot to retrieve the Mercedes Benz. I stood there heavily as fatigue pulled my body downwards. The car approached quickly pulling up to the hotel entrance, the car wasnt far, it was actually a few steps from the entrance but hey whats the point in getting valet if you’re not going to use it.



I got in the car and almost instantaneously we started to search around, to check if anything was missing, we took everything worth value, so there really wasn’t much searching to do. Immanuel sat in the driver seat as he pressed his foot on the gas feeling the European machine eat away at the concrete. The sisters didn’t live far from the hotel, actually their family's house was literally around the corner. Immaunuel zoomed past their house parking around the corner, didn’t want the husband coming outside asking questions. The idea of it was actually hilarious, dropping off another man’s wife, as she sneaks back into the house as if the stench of sex was not stained on her skin.



As soon as the doors closed I ignited the herb, and the laughter began. Have you ever had an arch nemesis? A rival? Like GOD and the Devil my conflict was similar. These were the sisters of an old friend, an old friend who back stabs, double crosses, hates. So last night was payback, payback for all the time wasted, payback for all the love wasted, payback for betrayal. So I took what was precious to him, what he claimed to protect, what he claimed he loved, I spat on it, poured alcohol all over it, like they were nothing just like their brother.



The joint seemed to be rolled like a cigar, needing the end to be cooked a little more as the smoke began to fill the vehicle as if we were driving through clouds with our windows down “Brother, we did that” Immanuel said as he headed towards the gas station, my body was exhausted , I didn’t really get any sleep, plus last night didn’t really allow any. We arrived quickly into the gas station, following the GPS’s direction through this unknown city. The car bounced as we pulled in to quickly, “Which side is it on again bro?” “The right” Immanuel asked before I answered quickly. My throat burned a little while the smoke exited my mouth, I even began to cough while the water built up in my eyes the joint’s size shrunk almost as big as a pill.



Immanuel and I hopped out the car making our way inside the gas station, it was almost like running, I scanned the store from the cashier to each corner of the store, left corner, right corner, top right, top left, bottom right, bottom left. All as I made my way toward chips trying to decide from Cheetos , or ruffles; comprising as I snatched two off the shelf, also grabbing some sunflower seeds as well. At times I could be really indecisive, its not that I panic when I forced to make a hard decision, its the fact that I don’t know what I want, and if I don’t know what I want how can I decide?



Again without really coming to a decision I grabbed the cherry sprite from behind the cold glass door hearing it slam shut as I met back up with Immanuel at the register “Hey Boss, why you watching us like that? You think we steal?” I started to laugh as I dropped my stuff on the counter my brother began joking with the man asking him certain questions to get certain reactions but the man didn’t respond, he just stared at us as he rung up the items “$25.54” “yea and add 20 on number 5” I dug in my pocket pulling out a wad of money shuffling through several 20’s until I came across two 10’s. We placed the money on the counter “Yeah and a bag” we waited, not even noticing I pulled my phone out my pocket, it was sort of a reflex. Finally exiting the store, I browsed through snapchat, checking how many views I had on each snap as if I was getting paid for them, 30, 21 there. It made me laugh how many people wanted to know what I was doing in life and then again it made me sad at how many didn’t want to know.



Immanuel entered the car putting it in drive, he slowly pulled out the gas station heading towards the freeway exit; I can see the sign becoming bigger and bigger Fresno, we sped through the freeway ramp joining the other cars on this 5 lane freeway. The car began to glide as Immanuel swerved in and out of traffic. I grabbed the tray that had all the smoke, I grabbed a cone while I searched through the music. Finally finding a song I flip the switch and the flame exited the lighter and watch as the herb sizzled . Smoke filled the car as we made our way closer and closer to Sacramento.



Several memories began to fill my head as I inhaled the smoke through my nose. Filling the drug spread through my veins, all I could do was think. I passed the smoking herb to Immanuel as he glanced back in forth at his phone and then the road. Trying to smoke , text and drive. Immanuel was never good at multi-asking, was anybody? I was told no-one could actually multi-task, one couldn't read a book, while having a conversation. You won't remember what you read. You would have to concentrate in order to get the text, to understand the words. The herb was back on me as I changed the song once more, I stared out the window as I took a deep breath with the smoke, watching the herb flare up as if it was a camp fire.



Watching the scenery flash by us like a slideshow, the grape trees that laced the vineyard, all placed in straight rows stretched out for miles. I imagine myself walking through this vineyard, stepping on snakes, or tasting the grapes. I watched as the Vineyard changed into a cornfield, the tall green plants that stood at least 6 feet tall. I watched as the cornfield changed into an empty space, only dirt, miles of dirt that stretched out far. One or two random farm houses placed in between , the dirt looked as if it had been dug up, all in rows. Not realizing how long I had the herb, I quickly passed it to Immanuel, snatching some smoke with my lips one more time before handing it off to Immanuel. I change the song again, searching through my phone. Scrolling through my apps, watching as more people watch my snaps. Sending me emoji’s with heart eyes, and kissy faces.



Women that I didn’t want, women that I didn't need.But still, I entertained them only wishing the one I wanted would send me something. But for me, that never happened. Finally seeing the familiar land marks that let us know we were going in the right direction . Those same stores, the same fast food restaurants. I don't know what it was about being on the road, that feeling to always be moving, to not know where you'll end up, making moves . That familiarity , was soothing. We headed towards Los Angeles , staying on I-5 South. We went around the roundabout , switching freeways. The herb finally ended as I pressed the ember against the ashtray. I reached towards the tray grabbing another cone again pressing the flame against the tip, smelling the scent of the herb burning, then pressing it to my lips. Watching as the smoke exited my mouth, the white substance that floated around us like ghost. Feeling my eyes become heavier and heavier as if weights were attach to my eye lashes.



The herb seemed to relax my body; when it seemed so tense….the smoke seemed to massage my nerves when they were uneasy. The drug helped me sleep when my dreams wouldn't allow me too. I watched as Immanuel zoomed in and out of traffic….dodging cars as if we were being chased. Watching the landmarks flash by like a preview at the movie theaters….and for some reason all I could think about was her. Her hair which reminded me of curly fries…..or her lips which reminded me of birthday cake….those eyes which reminded me of the ocean. How could she tempt me so? And yet I didn't even know who she was. How could I feel this way and yet we've never met? Even though we made our way to our next destination…even though I made my way to meet the next person…all I could think about was her.

-Chango

The day was sunny at first…blue skies….the clouds not quite formed yet…trying to find there way through the day. The gloom would soon take over the skies when the sun reached its highest point. I rushed back in forth as dozens of people began to pile in the line in front of me….hundreds of them swarmed into the festival . All standing in the line for the authentic West African food. Balloons and other sorts of decorations laced the tennis field where the flea market took place. More and more people piled in….there was barely a breeze it was a nice sunny day in Oakland, California. Low riders blasted their music loudly as they cruised passed the park…the tradition out here was epic. Low riders…..elderly walking and greeting people…young people conversing with one another as they shopped through the flea market either purchasing some West African food or a flavored icee. And at that moment I spotted him.



He stood there in an all black suit, black tie that matched vividly with his black shirt, his black jacket hung onto of his shoulders as if that was his skin as well. The strangest thing is he stared right at me…he stood there floating through the crowd…taking glances as he made his way through the flea market. I did not recognize the man but for some odd reason he recognized me. We never caught eachother staring…it was like we were playing tag with our eyes. He'd look swiftly….from a distance as he multi tasked…I would take my glances as I served the customers already facing the right direction no need for any unnecessary movements that might alert my pursuer. I could tell he was professional the way he moved in the crowd…the way he picked his chances to glare at me.



The things I noticed first hand….One….he’s made it clear he wants to be seen he wants me to know he's watching….if this was a covert mission…finesse and disguise are the key components to victory when in fact he's done the opposite. Black Tie has taken the full on approach…an approach that has left me weary. The sun began to make its way towards the horizon….tearing the sky apart with the different colors of the sunset. And soon the gloom took over….shade began to spread throughout Oakland…eventually the light will be completely gone. Sweating & slaving all day over this hot stove can take a toll on a man. Standing all day with no rest, doing the same thing over and over again.



Piling plate after plate until the pots became empty; The lines began to thin until the tennis court was vacant all together. Still….the man stood there; Black Tie stood there eyes fixed on mines and at that moment I felt the first sting of fear. That feeling underneath my stomach as if something bad was going to happen. I began to grab my things…rushing even….but I made it look normal…my movements natural as if it was routine for me to rush out of work. I said my goodbyes to Mulan the owner and the other cooks before I made my way over the fence towards my car. My feet made an impact with the ground flattening the grass as I declined down the hill. Looking back would only build suspension….but the need to look behind me sort of bit at me like a mosquito.



As soon as I grabbed the wheel I adjusted my rear view mirrors…making sure Black Tie was visible. Making sure that I wasn't just paranoid …that he was actually following me. And to my surprise I was correct. I baited him even…I waited for a brief second …waiting for him but he stood on the corner of the street parked right behind me. Almost in sequence as I pulled off; a black Sedan pulled up and Black Tie hopped in. Certain questions seem to appear in my head….Who were these people? Why were they following me? My foot began to press harder on pedal as I headed towards Berkeley…making lefts and rights….even stopping but to my surprise I couldn't lose them…the Sedan pulled right behind me as I pulled over. Frustration began to build up inside me; all I knew was they were following me for a reason and that reason was unknown to me.



I pulled quickly into traffic almost colliding with the parked car in front of me as well as the oncoming car that was already in the lane. I ignored the driver who held down his horn by making a quick right…and then a left. Pressing on the gas as much as I can…downtown Berkeley consist of all college students and most college students either walked or took public transportation meaning…..while I planned my escape I had to be cautious any mistake I could take a life.

As I swerved through pedestrians and passing cars; all you could notice as I passed by smoke shops and diners were students crossing the street. Cars pulled over with their hazard lights flashing …and that same Black Sedan..following my tracks as if my tires left a trail.



I sped up…..going at least 80 mph down the street…dodging students…group after group until I heard a collision. The tires of the sedan began to screech as the truck sideswiped a student….the girl spun around about 3 times before she landed on the back of a parked car. Almost instantly I hit the breaks..not realizing there were cars still behind me…one even bumped into the back of me. Not enough to damage the car but enough to make it move forward. I got out the car turning my hazards on as I made my way towards the girl lying on the ground ..that same Sedan just parked on the side of her with its headlights beaming right at me.



As I approached the Sedan I noticed there were no plates on the vehicle …the windshield was tinted so I couldn't make out the passengers…I could hear the woman groaning as I snapped out of it….I stood right in front of the sedan staring straight forward. Dozens of people began to surround the incident ….witnesses began to bang on the window of the sedan “Are you going to get out the car? You just hit someone!!” Others taking the more verbal route “Open the door you piece of shit! Someone call the police….Someone get help” and as those words left my ears I rushed over to woman on the ground. Her leg was bent in the most incructiating way….her tibia was disfigured….the bone broke through the skin…leaving blood on the asphalt.



It was Margo…a few years back we went to art school together….as I held her head off the ground she recognized me…reaching for me…I picked her up. Trying not to glimpse at her limp leg…the blood dripped down my bicep as I headed towards my car. The people still surrounded the sedan banging and kicking it as if they were rioting. Something seemed strange…I mean it was already strange being followed by Black Tie but why haven't the police arrive? No Ambulance…no nothing …”what if this was intentional?” I thought what if they wanted to hit Margo knowing id get out to help her…how would they know id see her? I struggled with her in my hands as I opened the car door. Kicking it open with my legs I placed her down softly..taking one glance at the Black Sedan before I hopped in the front seat…pressing my foot on the gas.



I watched as the Black Sedan came to life….driving forward slowly so the angry pedestrians would move out the way…the Black Sedan accelerated quickly brushing pass the rest of the pedestrians even knocking some on the ground…it was a matter of moments before they were back on our bumper…those bright headlights blinding me through the rear view mirrors. At this point I knew they weren't the police…but someone else…someone more powerful. Who could isolate an area of policemen just like that? I mean there wasn't a police car insight …for at least 5 miles….from Oakland to Berkeley…that was unreal.



With all these thoughts swimming around in my head…from glancing back in forth at the Black Sedan to checking on Margo I nearly missed the hospital…I quickly pulled in …almost through the doors as I jumped out the car. Carefully grabbing Margo trying to not hit her leg coming out the backseat “Help!!!…..I need help” I yelled as I rushed through the sliding doors instantly nurses rushed towards me …I placed her on a hospital bed as they quickly rolled her away “What happened ? Where you at the incident? Are you hurt?” So many questions filled my ears at once but only one question stuck Who was in the Black Sedan? “ No im fine….I was just trying to help…it was a hit n run.” I said quickly while exiting the hospital “Sir, wait we need you to fill out a police report”



but I didn't hear those words I just stared across the street at the parked Sedan; it just sat their waiting for me as I headed towards my car.

The sedan door opened….and Black Tie exited the vehicle …he straightened his tie while he fixed his coat ; he then looked at me and he smiled. Taunting me even, he motioned towards me to follow him…he shrugged his head towards the alley way while he began to walk there himself. Like an idiot I followed, I adjusted my glasses as I made my way towards the alley way watching as several cars passed in front of me some even honking their horns as if they were yelling at me. But their horns didn't matter….I was so focused on this man…..this man thats been following me since my day started….this man that hurt Margo.



I wanted to make him pay and thats what I was going to do…make him pay. I began to cross the street I could see him now waiting for me in this dark alley way…pacing back in forth like a wild cat ready to pounce on its prey. I was nearly half way inside this pocket of darkness before the sedan drove in behind me blocking my way out. Another sedan did the same thing on the other side blocking my way out..my only exit was this ladder which was about 20 ft off the ground…I could climb up the dumpster and possibly get some sort of a boost but I was still about 3 or 4 feet short. Black Tie stopped pacing he began to approach me..getting closer and closer as I held my ground…almost a foot away from me…..I began to tighten my fists…ready but to my surprise he spoke “So your the one we've been searching for ?



This is going to be quick” before I knew it….he connected a hook into my ribs…snatching the air from my lungs…thats when he took off…right hook…. left hook….each punch seem to crack a rib…he finished with a left kick to my chin which sent me flying in the air my back colliding with the sedans front bumper. My glasses were gone..making it very hard to see..my vision seemed to blur as I began to to rise. All I could make out was a black figure that seemed to float back in forth like some sort of shadow. I felt the blood run down the corner of my jaw…I could feel the sting of the cut that laid upon my bottom lip. I closed my eyes …trying to focus….my head was aching from that kick and plus my landing didn't really end well. For some reason I began to feel different…the pain sort of vanished…my headache…my jaw…and I began to listen. I could hear the cars passing by one after another…



I could hear sirens yelling as the police cruisers and ambulances made their way through the city. I could smell the trash that lied inside the dumpsters…I could even hear Black Tie’s heart beat….the rhythm was calm…slow even….and then I open my eyes…and to my surprise my vision was clear…and Black Tie was in mid air…another kick coming to snatch my head off my shoulders but for some reason he moved as if he was frozen his foot inches away from my head…and as I ducked he then sped back up ..throwing some more punches..it was strange his movements were normal but as soon as he threw a punch or a kick his movements slowed down I could see his movements before he made them. I caught his last punch launching him into the sedan…the front of the bumper dented in as if it collided with another vehicle.



Black tie punched at the ground in frustration as he struggled to get up…”How?” I shook my head as if I was telling him “I dont know “ but the words didn't seem to leave my lip.. He finally stood up straight..it seems like that blow to the car took its toll…he grasped at his ribs as if a few were broken..blood came out his mouth like he bit his tongue out “You are not human..and you deserve to die” Black Tie spat….as he began to walk towards me and the closer he became those words stabbed at me as if they were knives..”I deserve to die? I am not human” I repeated the words back at myself until he was right in front of me wielding a knife…this time he was thrusting the blade right at my throat but again his movements were to slow..his body too weak…his bones too frail..I moved my head to the left dodging the sharp edge blade and as I watched his arm pass by my face in slow motion I grabbed his arm and shoved my elbow right into the back of his and in that moment his arm snapped..just like I predicted he began to scream in agony…”You will pay…you abomination…you will pay”..I walked towards the sedan now blocking my way towards the hospital…the headlights were blaring down on me like spotlights…I tapped on the hood of the car with my fist “Move” the sedan then came to life…the engine began to roar as the truck tires began to make smoke…

I placed my hand on the front of the truck as it burned rubber in the alley way as if it was a raging bull. The steel on top of the engine began to heat up for some reason I wasn't scared anymore…the truck felt as if it was nothing beneath my hands as if I was pushing my hand through snow or water…I pushed the truck back slightly and it went flying towards the hospital building…I reached towards the truck with my hands as if I was to grab it..and to my surprise it sat there in midair. The truck seemed light at first but the longer I maintained this mental grip…the heavier it became. I placed the truck down safely before I walked out the alley way like nothing ever happened. There were people who seen the floating car but noone seen me. The just thought I was a regular black guy in Berkeley, California. But something was different…i’m changing and at this point I dont know if im human at all..and if im not human…Then what am I?

Cameron

The foreign vehicle seemed to be on fire as the smoke clouded the windows


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Dreamy wrote a review...



Hello there, Dreamy here to show some love to the work that's been sitting here for a while--Hi!

I'm going to echo what Moalex has said in their review. This chapter very clearly hasn't been proof-read because of which I had a little bit of difficulty in following through. Here are some of the examples of what I mean:

almost instantly, the headache crept back into my brain the pain stopped me in my place I turned around facing the way I was running until the voice echoed off in my skull “Cameron, Find me” the words were loud in my ears as if speakers were blasting.


You see how run-on the sentence is. This sentence needs some pauses and stops.

almost instantly, the headache crept back into my brain; the pain stopped me in my place. I turned around, facing the way I was running until the voice echoed off in my skull, “Cameron, Find me. ” the words were loud in my ears as if speakers were blasting.


You see what I mean?

And in that instant I seen her,


I feel it would read better if it were "saw"

making my way back to the hotel when noticed a man


Did you mean, "... making my way back to the hotel, I noticed a man..." or "I noticed a man when I was making my way back to the hotel..."

about 2 blocks behind me.


I was once told that when the numbers are small, write them in words. Like, numbers between zero to nine. And to spell them out in the beginning of a sentence. It makes sense though, right?

my dreams haven’t allowed me to sleep, my dreams leave me drained.


"My dreams left me drained?

the car wasnt far, it was actually a few steps from the entrance, but hey, whats the point in getting valet if you’re not going to use it.


"Wasn't"

clouds with our windows down “Brother, we did that”


You see, this is something I came across a lot in this chapter. When opening a dialogue, and when they interrupt the sentence, use a comma. And end the dialogues with the proper punctuation. And the ellipsis: they are three spaced dots. You have used more than what's required.

"...
with our windows down, "Brother, we did that!"

I quickly passed it to Immanuel, snatching some smoke with my lips one more time before handing it off to Immanuel.


You mention his name twice in a sentence. You could cut one out.

The drug helped me sleep when my dreams wouldn't allow me too.


"To"

Still….the man stood there; Black Tie stood there eyes fixed on mines and at that moment I felt the first sting of fear.


I chose this sentence for two reasons: it supposed to be "mine" and since it's a first person narration I don't know if that's how the person talks or if it's merely a typo.

Looking back would only build suspension


"Suspicion"

knowing id I'd get out to help her…how would they know id I'd see her?


Whew, now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about the story. I really liked it. It flowed well minus the grammar. Cameron seems like an interesting person. His views and his intentions: like, the one where he takes the women of the men who back stabs him makes him the kind of character that you hate to like, y'know?

The entire scene with the Black-tie character was interesting. It was exciting to figure out what was happening to Cameron along with him.

I imagine myself walking through this vineyard, stepping on snakes, or tasting the grapes.


I feel like the above mentioned quote kind of gave us an idea of who really Cameron is or at least how he wants to feel/be. It's either he's a godly creature or the opposite of it. Or even both. Good play.

This chapter seems like it ended without any definite closure. So I'm a bit confused. Also, if you need more reviews on your work, post them by chapters. Works with decent amount of word count garner more reviews, just a hint.

Anyway, I'll keep an eye out for this novel. Keep writing!

Cheers!




BjEdwards says...


Thank you for you advice I really appreciate it, I%u2019m trying to find more ways to critique my writing. So your input on grammar is really useful, but by the way I write with my notes app on my phone ..so my for the grammar issue ...lol it%u2019s just from me rushing . I right when I get the urge so I won%u2019t forget that inner thought you know. Notes doesn%u2019t have spell check. But I will def keeping writing more; I%u2019m glad the story kept you interested



Dreamy says...


Oh yea, I understand that. I'm glad this review was helpful. ^_^



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Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:50 am
Moalex wrote a review...



Hi there! Moalex here for a review. I notice that it's been here since May, practically June since it was on the 31st. Seeing as how this is the first chapter, I will go ahead and critique character and story development.

The first thing that I would like to point out, and I cannot stress this enough-grammar. There are a lot of grammar errors in your story, that I failed to make it through the whole thing because of it. This story feels like this hasn't been proofread, and I highly suggest going back reread your story, and fixing the errors.

But aside from that, that's it. Everything else has been quite absorbing. The way you describe the surrounding as well as the thought process and feelings of your setting and story was very well done. It made it easy to follow, and understand what is going on. Especially the part of the werewolf transformation and attack, that was a very strong hook that kept me reading. I thought this would be your typical modern city/slice of life story, but it has clearly shown me more.

Keep up the good work! I hope my review helped you in some way.




BjEdwards says...


Thanks Moalex ; I appreciate the time you took to read my piece. And I%u2019m glad that you were drew in by my story and it kept you interested . But for the grammar issue , I construct my work through my notes app on my phone and most of the time it%u2019s in the spur of the moment when I get a good thought . And notes doesn%u2019t have a spell check. But I will def keep you posting more work. Your feedback really helped : more than you know




The worst bullies you will ever encounter in your life are your own thoughts.
— Bryant McGill