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Oh Father

by Anma


Oh father, I know I have grown.

Here's a poem I created on my own.

For you to sip your tea, and have some German chocolate.

Go ahead and take a seat.

-

In case you didnt know.

I'm not a heartless soul.

I'm not stuffed with sand, for I still bleed. 

I know what's inside and outside me. 

Theres no reason for you to be mean. 

Your a human too, just like me. 

I'm not a piece of fruit that you can just take a piece and leave. 

I'm not the only one who knows your greed. 

Your fake twisted jokes of others like me.

You make it so that it's hard for me to breath.

-

I'm not a doll you can just transform. 

I'm sorry I wasn't a boy when I was born. 

Maybe then father you may have stayed. 

Unless your fake love has stained.

You talk to my brothers, but no longer me. 

I'm the one of the bunch you can see. 

So please father tell me, how many babys have you left by the tree. 

You must think boys are more superior. 

Or else you would still talk to me even when you leave the country. 

Oh, my hope is lost, for I know you dont love me.


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76 Reviews


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Reviews: 76

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Sun Jun 16, 2019 4:00 pm
silvermoon17 wrote a review...



This poem hooked me until the end.. I love the rhythm, the rhymes the way you unfurled everything until the very end. THE message was clear until the end and the emotion as well. I read the other comments below, and I’m glad you’ve got the help you needed- no one deserves to feel that way- (if you don’t mind, how did you manage asking your parents to see a therapist..?) my suggestions could be to use comparison. You could’ve maybe also done something in the style.. uh..
here, to explain; watch wHoLlY the video from ralphthemoviemaker (on YouTube) about childhood trauma. And wholly. There’s a last sequence I’m particularly interested in, from that video, which is only metaphors of all his fears about his father. If you don’t understand his video, check the comments. It sure is complex. Even though your age is like, so much more superior to mine- if you ever want to talk- I’m here.




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Thu May 16, 2019 1:02 pm
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rrrRandomNoob says...



Holy crap, this is really emotional! I really think that this a really good (and sad) piece of art! That’s not really much else that I can say, other than that hopefully you can get some help. Not to say that there’s anything wrong with you, but I think a therapist may be in order.
Overall, a great piece of art that really has given a glimpse into your life. Good style, and it engrossed me into your complex relationship with your father.




Anma says...


I havent had thyrapy in a while, but I have gotten help. Its okay im not offended or anything. Thanks! Im glad u liked it!



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Wed May 15, 2019 9:35 pm
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TobilloTheTinyTurtle wrote a review...



First off, I want to say how clear the message and emotion are in this one, so kudos! However, in the first stanza, you seem to describe your father in a more humane and memorial way. Especially with "For you to sip your tea, and have some German chocolate," it makes him seem like a more grounded type of person.
But as we read on, we see this just isn't true, and the first stanza throws the reader off and sets up a world which you immediately tear apart.
Other than that, I loved your comparisons to your brothers.




Anma says...


Thanks so much!!



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14 Reviews


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Sat May 11, 2019 7:43 pm
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averyismediocre wrote a review...



Hi! So, I love this poem a lot. You expressed your emotion beautifully. The rhyming was great, and your punctuation was perfect, However, you used the wrong "you're" in the line "your a human too, just like me." It's a small issue, but can be easily fixed so don't worry too much about it. Also, the line, "For you to sip your tea, and have some German chocolate." does not flow like the rest of your poem. It's out of place and ruins the rhythm. I'm sure the reason to include the chocolate part, but it doesn't match. Especially since the next line rhymes with the tea part. In general, though, the line kind of just doesn't make sense. It doesn't even go with the next line. Also, the line before that ends in a period and so does the actual line, so I don't get why the sentence starts with the word "for". That's the only thing though. Everything else is great.




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Sat May 11, 2019 7:20 pm
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seekingthetruth wrote a review...



OMG I HOPEI AM NOT GETTING THE WRONG MESSAGE HERE BUT IS YOUR FATHER ABUSING YOU, BECUASE FROM THE EMOTIVE AND EMOTIANL LANAUAGE YOU USED IT CREATES A SEMATIC FIELD OF HURT AND VILE ABUSE. ANY WAY THE REVIEW,

the line where you use german chocolate does not fit in with the tone of the poem it adds flavours and laughter but does not show any emotions just a sentence to finsh the stanza. it is really deep and reaches out to many readers and again I am sorry if I am getting the wrong end of the stick here.


sorry 10/10

seekingthetruth




Anma says...


No.... He abandoned me when I was just a little girl. He hates me because I'm not a boy.



Anma says...


I mean he's not abusive to me cause I don't see him. But he's very controlling to girls. I found that out when I was living him for a short period of time. He used my stepmother for stuff, she was practically her maid. And he tried to kill my puppy cause she peed on the floor. I tried to protect her and he ended up hurting me too.





oh god I hope you and your mum are safe and as I say sorry for the confusion



Anma says...


Its okay, were good. Thanks for caring :)



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Sat May 11, 2019 5:56 pm
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FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

This poem contains such deep emotion... I could feel a mix of emotions from each line, especially a lot of anger. Each line gave me a really clear idea of how you feel towards this person, and the last line really tied down your deepest thoughts and feelings. The lines in this poem are directed at your father and I think this makes the poem even more powerful.

Your a human too, just like me.


This line just has a small typo with "you're" being changed to "your".

I'm not a piece of fruit that you can just take a piece and leave.


In this line, I don't think the words "and leave" really goes with the "fruit" metaphor. I would maybe change it to "I'm not a fruit for you to just take a piece and throw away". I think this would give this line a stronger idea.

Anyway, you are really brave for sharing such a deeply meaningful piece and expressing your emotions so freely. Just know that you will always have people in this community to talk to and I hope you will keep sewing writing as a way to release your emotions. You really are an amazing writer!

Keep Writing. :)





I have my books and my poetry to protect me.
— Paul Simon