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Snickers

by Liberty, 26Gemini


I like to eat chocolate
that is solid.

I bite into my Snickers,
tasting nothing bitter.

While I look at its neatness,
I savor its sweetness.

The last bite is here!
I don't want it to be near!

My sister asks some from me.
Sadly she thinks I'll agree.

I just wish she'd go away,
from my chocolate and play.

I gobble up the rest of the Snickers.
And again, I taste nothing bitter.

Image result for snickers bar


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Wed Sep 11, 2019 11:57 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello Lib as you can tell it's me again here to leave a short review for you because I really can't see anything wrong with this poem, it has been thought through really well, and all your punctuation has been put in the right places to give it the best flow.
I must say I have bone to pick with you!!! Why you ask? Well let me tell you...Its because I am now craving something chocolate!! XD You couldn't have picked any other words to make me see the chocolate and start to taste it, and the picture at the end was a really nice touch, it made me crave it even more.
I did like the bit were you had your sister come and ask for the chocolate, it reminds me of my own little sister that looks at me with a begging face for my food if I make something yummy, so that part had me cracking up with laughter.

Well I did tell you this was going to be a short review! So that will be all from me until I move onto the next work of yours I haven't reviewed yet. I will now go grab something yummy to eat to I stop craving that darn chocolate! Have a great day or night! ;)

Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPheonix!
Reviewing with a fiery passion!

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Thu Sep 05, 2019 12:52 pm
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riotheselcouth wrote a review...



HI LIBERTY MY LOVES, I'M HERE TO CRITIQUE YOUR "SNICKERS"

First of all, your title is very capturing and very yummy.
You act like an endorcer of snickers huh. HAHA.

Hmm, your poetry is describing how you really like eating snickers,oww lucky snickers. >_<
Btw, the words you used is simple and understandable so that I easily get what do you want so say.

Riothe Selcouth 🍂




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Thu Sep 05, 2019 11:45 am
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Magestorrow wrote a review...



Hey, Liberty! I'm back again with another review.

First off - I see that you wrote this poem with @26Gemini! I love seeing collaborative poetry; it leaves me guessing who inspired what line. But since I'm not familiar enough with either of your writing styles, I'll just say that I really enjoyed reading through this poem.

I'm more of a Hershey bar girl myself, but you definitely captured what it's like to eat a Snickers bar. You highlighted all of the key traits of one - the sweetness, how solid it is, and how it lacks anything sour. The only critique I have regarding that part of the poem is that you might want to include more about the sensation of eating one.

(An example of something you might include is how it melts on your tongue when you put it in your mouth, or how crunchy it can get when you take a bite out of it.)

On the other hand, the fun aspects of your poem come from it being a cute little piece about eating candy, so I'm not sure that much detail is needed - it's really up to you!

I also got a kick out of the rhyme scheme. But, as @Horisun mentioned before me, the first line doesn't rhyme, so it admittedly threw me off when I saw the first pair of rhyming lines.

All in all, I really liked this poem! I hope I can see more from you two in the future.

Happy #RevMo !

Image




Liberty says...


Thanks again! =)



Magestorrow says...


You're welcome!



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Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:54 pm
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Horisun says...



Oh, gosh, sorry if I spammed your notifications! It sent out multiple times.




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Horisun says...



Oh, gosh, sorry if I spammed your notifications! It sent out multiple times.




Liberty says...


Not a problem. *counts again* Two apologies accepted. (: I think I did enough math today. So much counting... Lol.



Horisun says...


:D I was so confused when I saw 4 likes for my review! XD



Liberty says...


;)



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Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:53 pm
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Horisun says...



Good day, or night, or non of the above if you're in a spaceship! I'm here to do a review! (Obviously)
Firstly, this is MOST IMPORTANT! You wrote a poem about SNICKERS and not KIT KATS! Which I find HIGHLY OFFENSIVE! (Kidding)
Second, I love the rhyming! It is absolutely wonderful, I just love it when poems have a steady beat, and rhyme! Two birds with one stone!
Finally, this is an itty, bitty, tiny, winy, nitpick that you can totally ignore because it really doesn't matter, but thought I'd point out anyway. And that's that the first line didn't rhyme! (Like I said, super minor)
But other then that, (And the fact that you didn't write a poem about the best candy bar ever! XD) This poem looks great! You're really great at poetry!
See ya later! And have a great day!




Liberty says...


Thanks so much for the... *counts* Ehehem, four reviews. I'll check the first line. Thanks again! I may write something about othr candies too. Maybe even Kit Kat. ;)



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Horisun says...



Good day, or night, or non of the above if you're in a spaceship! I'm here to do a review! (Obviously)
Firstly, this is MOST IMPORTANT! You wrote a poem about SNICKERS and not KIT KATS! Which I find HIGHLY OFFENSIVE! (Kidding)
Second, I love the rhyming! It is absolutely wonderful, I just love it when poems have a steady beat, and rhyme! Two birds with one stone!
Finally, this is an itty, bitty, tiny, winy, nitpick that you can totally ignore because it really doesn't matter, but thought I'd point out anyway. And that's that the first line didn't rhyme! (Like I said, super minor)
But other then that, (And the fact that you didn't write a poem about the best candy bar ever! XD) This poem looks great! You're really great at poetry!
See ya later! And have a great day!




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216 Reviews


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Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:53 pm
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Horisun says...



Good day, or night, or non of the above if you're in a spaceship! I'm here to do a review! (Obviously)
Firstly, this is MOST IMPORTANT! You wrote a poem about SNICKERS and not KIT KATS! Which I find HIGHLY OFFENSIVE! (Kidding)
Second, I love the rhyming! It is absolutely wonderful, I just love it when poems have a steady beat, and rhyme! Two birds with one stone!
Finally, this is an itty, bitty, tiny, winy, nitpick that you can totally ignore because it really doesn't matter, but thought I'd point out anyway. And that's that the first line didn't rhyme! (Like I said, super minor)
But other then that, (And the fact that you didn't write a poem about the best candy bar ever! XD) This poem looks great! You're really great at poetry!
See ya later! And have a great day!




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216 Reviews


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Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:53 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



Good day, or night, or non of the above if you're in a spaceship! I'm here to do a review! (Obviously)
Firstly, this is MOST IMPORTANT! You wrote a poem about SNICKERS and not KIT KATS! Which I find HIGHLY OFFENSIVE! (Kidding)
Second, I love the rhyming! It is absolutely wonderful, I just love it when poems have a steady beat, and rhyme! Two birds with one stone!
Finally, this is an itty, bitty, tiny, winy, nitpick that you can totally ignore because it really doesn't matter, but thought I'd point out anyway. And that's that the first line didn't rhyme! (Like I said, super minor)
But other then that, (And the fact that you didn't write a poem about the best candy bar ever! XD) This poem looks great! You're really great at poetry!
See ya later! And have a great day!




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Fri Jun 14, 2019 1:54 am
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Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Liberty, this is Casanova here with a final review of your portfolio! Let's get to it.

Well, honestly I didn't know what exactly what I was going to review in this, but I guess I'll have to take a crack at it.

So, this is entirely about eating a snickers. I do find it refreshing that someone could find so much detail and life in just this simple act. When I eat something- it's literally just because I'm hungry. Not for any special reason, there's just a rumbling in my stomach, so I'll have to give you props for that. Anyway, onward.

The most humorous part about this is literally when the sister asks for some and you say,"Sadly she thinks I'll agree". That I found to be the best part of it, honestly. It's humorous, and I can see it actually happening.

Now, really the only thing I don't like about this poem, is that...It's literally only about eating the snickers. Like, that's the only part of this. It's the best part of the situation, but also the only thing holding it back, if that makes any sense at all.

Anyway I liked this poem and I would like to see more like it.

Keep doing what you're doing.

Sincerely, Casanova




Liberty says...


To be honest, the part where you said: It's the best part of the situation, but also the only thing holding it back, if that makes any sense at all.

That doesn't make sense. It's the best part, but then it's holding it back...? I don't get it.

Also, I wrote this poem so that my father could know that I actually do mindful eating. He wants everyone to do mindful eating and I thought I'd do a poem about it! (I know, I do a poem based on whatever comes to my mind. Mindful eating, not being able to write a poem, dreams, etc.) Anyways, thanks again for the review! :D



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Tue May 28, 2019 4:09 pm
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xJade wrote a review...



Wesh! JadeLotus here to review a poem. Let's just get to it.

I like to eat chocolate
that is solid.

I bite into my Snickers,
tasting nothing bitter.

The flow is a tad off and the syllable count could be perfected. Though, this is a really relatable poem already XD.

While I look at its neatness,
I savor its sweetness.

The last bite is here!
I don't want it to be near!

Maybe change "I don't want it to be near" to "I wish it's not near" or something with 5 syllables.

My sister asks some from me.
Sadly she thinks I'll agree.

I just wish she'd go away,
from my chocolate and play.

The flow is kind of evened out and let's be honest, that's funny!!

I gobble up the rest of the Snickers.
And again, I taste nothing bitter.

A good end to it. Overall, I give this a 7-10. More lighthearted than I expected but that's good! have a great day and I hope this helped.

-Professor JadeLotus-
Image result for snickers bar




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review! I'll do some fixing up soon.



xJade says...


I got my 3rd star



Liberty says...


Yay! Congratulations!!



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Thu May 02, 2019 1:47 am
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averyismediocre wrote a review...



Hi! I'll be reviewing your poem for today! I love how light-hearted this is. The tone is fun. I also really love your slant rhymes at the beginning with snickers/bitter and chocolate/solid. My only qualm is that there were a few slight grammar mistakes, however, they were so small it doesn't even matter. Also, I really like how you included a picture of the snickers bar at the end. It really gave your poem that special touch. Overall, I enjoyed this a lot and can't wait to see more of your fun and silly poems!



-Avery <3




Liberty says...


Aww, thanks! <3



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Wed May 01, 2019 9:17 pm
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Leviari wrote a review...



Hello! Just a short review for you:

This poem is fresh and light. It made me crack a smile, it's fun without it being childish. I like that you decided to state for two times that you don't taste nothing bitter. It made me stop to think about how we often forget to appreciate the small sweet things of life.
With this poem you shared positivity and it was an entertaining read.




Liberty says...


Thank you! <3



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Wed May 01, 2019 4:35 pm
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Anma wrote a review...



Hello Liberty!!

Nummy! Love it, lol.

This is a very creative poem. It makes me wanna eat a snickers now. I love how you used imagery in this. And the details are great! Specialy for a short poem. There is a few grammar mistakes, and one of the lines about sister doesn't make quite sense... But either than that its good.

Keep up the good work!

Have a nice day!

Sincerly Anma




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review! The 'sister' stanza is like her asking me if she can have the rest of the Snickers, cuz so little is left.



Anma says...


Oh, okay that makes more sense.



Liberty says...


Lol



Liberty says...


Tell me how it is now.




A Prince of Darkness Is a Gentleman
— William Shakespeare