Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Romantic

Oh, what a wonderful thing

by TheMulticoloredCyr

Oh, what a wonderful thing,

to be in love

Your heart always in a sling,

to it a slave

Let me ask you a question.

Now listen well

If you hadn’t heard the term,

would you want love?

Friend of mine, what’s in your mind?

I see the ring.

He must love you completely.

He bought you gold.

Enjoying your fairy tale,

dear friend of mine?

Are you afraid for your bond?

Is it forever?

The doubts that you hold now,

Will not leave you.

but he will. 

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
509 Reviews

Points: 74
Reviews: 509

Tue Sep 10, 2019 10:37 pm
View Likes
Jaybird wrote a review...

Hey there! I'm here to review your work.

I actually wanted to review this during my last batch of reviews, but I admittedly ran out of steam before I could get to it. I decided to avoid that problem by making this my first priority instead.

I love unique takes on love (pun not intentional) so I'm not surprised that I really enjoyed this poem. You did a great job getting the reader to doubt their views on love. I do believe that love has its place in society, but I also think that love can come at a cost if it's not "true" love. Your poem captured my feelings on that perfectly.

I especially enjoyed the part where you mentioned what can happen after marriage:

Are you afraid for your bond?

Is it forever?

I don't usually see that kind of take on marriage, so it was definitely cool seeing you tackle it.

My main critique for this poem is that the two parts don't seem as connected as they could be. The first part almost seems like an introduction, while the second part seems more like a supporting stanza - like you're elaborating on what you've already said. But because there's nothing else to the poem, the reader is left feeling like there should be more.

I honestly think the two parts would work great on their own with a little revision and elaboration. They could even be part of a poetry series - tackling different aspects of a not-so-picture-perfect view of romance.

Other than that, your poem looks great! I hope you tackle more things like this in the future.

(Also, this poem gave me lowkey Queenie/Megara vibes when I was reading it.)


(They were not on my mind when I wrote this, but now that you mention it, this is probably Queenie's stance on the whole ordeal. But, because the two have kinda become different people at this point, Meg's kinda a huge freaking romantic and it's adorable)

Thanks for the review! I might actually write more stuff along these lines int the future. Who knows.

Jaybird says...

Oh, that's cool! Now that I think about it, I am starting to see the differences in how you're writing the two of them - especially with how Megara's been acting around a certain idiot I'm borrowing from canon.

And you're welcome! If you do, tag me - I'd love to read it.

Will do! (That is, if I ever get around to writing any poetry...)

Jaybird says...

That's a mood.

User avatar
544 Reviews

Points: 30084
Reviews: 544

Sun Apr 28, 2019 4:56 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day.

Let's start.

So I couldn't see anything wrong with this poem, it was really well written, and I loved reading it. I could feel the emotion being carried over through your words. And it just made to poem even better. As I was reading your poem, it was like a story was being told, and I could see everything happening. Even the things you wrote down is very true, even if I haven't been in a relationship.
I really like the name you chose for your poem. When I saw it I new I had to come and read your poem, and it's a good thing that the title of your poem brings people in, that is one of the big things with writing.

Great job, this poem was a great joy to read and review. Never stop writing and post more of your amazing works out on YWS. I hope you have a great day or night.

Your friend
Reviewing this a fiery passion.

Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it.

Your welcome! :D

User avatar
64 Reviews

Points: 733
Reviews: 64

Sun Apr 28, 2019 4:28 am
Aliceinhorrorland wrote a review...

Helloooo! I’m here to review this.
I think this poem was pretty good and thought provoking, I liked how you ended it because in a way it is sort of true, everyone leaves one way or another. Oh I also liked how you put a heart emoji, like I didn’t even know you could even PUT emojis! XD. So that was like magic.
I also liked the idea of this poem and the length.

Now for some small critiques:

- In the first stanza when you say “Would you want love?” I think it would be more powerful if you said “Would you still want love?” That’s just my opinion.

- In the second stanza, it would make more sense in my own opinion if you said “what’s on your mind?” Instead of “What’s in your mind?”

That’s all of the critique I’ve got! Sorry if this sounded harsh at all. This is a very nice poem and I hope you write many more <3


Thanks for the review!

User avatar
45 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 45

Fri Apr 26, 2019 7:26 pm
potatoefry2001 wrote a review...

Wow. I have to say I love this writing piece. As someone who was just recently dumped, I have to say you really nailed that one. Especially when you said, "The doubts that you hold now, will not leave you. but he will." I was with my boyfriend for 14 months and he told me over and over he would never hurt me. Look where we are now: He is currently dating one of my closest friends, and I am left broken hearted. No surprise there.... Is there? Love, I have learned, is a beautiful thing for some, but for me, SO UNLUCKY!!! You are a beautiful writer, and I encourage you to keep up the good work. Seriously... You really DO have talent and are gifted. Happy writings!! Have a great day. :D <3 'Tato.

Thanks, I'm glad you liked this piece! I've had only two date-mates in my lifetime (and I'm fine with that), and I've found that this approach to love and romance works best for me. Especially considering I, and everyone around me, has been or IS stuck in a bad relationship.

This poem was founded on the idea that, if no one had ever heard about "falling in love" they wouldn't. That it's closer to being a construct than an actual...thing, that happens naturally.

Idk, it's just a theory. (I also think that humans have a shocking amount in common with penguins, so take that how you will).

I love that theory.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
— Leo J. Burke