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E - Everyone

Out Into The City (Chapter 1)

by Briely


Out Into The City

Chapter 1 Miss Harle

Harle grabbed the food tray off the kitchen counter smiling at the robot. She lived in a big mansion with Corsy, her used to be lover. Ever since he lost his arm and used a living robot, he’d changed. He kept her in this place, practically made her his maid. Harle was never aloud to travel outside its walls, it's been two years since she’s been actually outside.From time to time she’d gone on the high porch that faced the forest behind her, but she could never see the city, how much she tried.

Harle knocked on the big wooden door, “come in” a voice sounded.

Harle stepped into the meeting hall were the government council sat talking to Corsy. He smiled at her as she set the tray down on the wooden table.

“Hello Harle,” he said picking up the pencil again to sign off the papers.

“Doing work again I see” Harle responded pouring tea into his cup.

“Indeed” he set the pencil down talking another paper to read from Miler.

He was a robot, but one of the more humanly ones. Corsy programmed him to talk so Harle wouldn't be so lonely. At least that's what she was told.

She smiled at him then back at Corsy “good day” she said certsign.

The others in the room watched in curiosity, and amazement as she continued out of the crowded place. She shut the door behind her and sighed, Harle never liked being the center of attention. She stared back down the carpeted hallway, a man with brown hair ran her way. His papers flew out of his bag, as he stopped by the door that opened.

“Sorry I’m late Mr. Hodger!” he said taking a seat.

Harle watched tell Miler shewed her away, “go, my child,” he said making a slow hand motion.

“Go,” he said closing the door on her face.


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User avatar


Points: 108
Reviews: 2

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Sun Apr 14, 2019 10:08 pm
Dusk666 wrote a review...



I like it reminds me That robots are just out for revenge and people are mean sometimes

JK!
It is really good for a first Chapter though for the sentence "She lived in a big mansion with Corsy, her used to be lover." as Anma said put parentheses and sorry to say but don't add the "(a lover)". Part as Anma Suggested just leave it as "She lived in a big mansion with Corsy, her used to be (lover)." adding the /a/ would honestly make it sound kinda odd I feel like Harle's name kinda sounds like a male name and really confused me at first. Ill leave it at that for now.
Hasta la próxima, mi querida amiga!




Briely says...


Okay.. Thanks!



Dusk666 says...


That reply sounds like me replying to people %uD83D%uDE02



Briely says...


Lol



Briely says...


Nos Vemos!



User avatar
111 Reviews


Points: 1404
Reviews: 111

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Sun Apr 14, 2019 9:55 pm
Anma wrote a review...



Hello Briely!

This is a really good chapter!
Its a reat way to begin, and its very interesting.

Here are some suggestions i have for you..

"She lived in a big mansion with Corsy, her used to be (a lover).

" Ever since he lost his arm and used a living (robot)(,) he’d changed.

"Harle was never (allowed) to travel outside its walls, it's been two years since she’s been actually outside.

" “Hello Harle(,)” he said picking up the pencil again to sign off the papers.

"Corsy (programmed) him to talk so (Harle) wouldn't be so lonely.

"Harle watched tell Miler shewed her away, “go(,) my child(,)” he said making a hand
motion.

Either than that its great!

I hope to read more of it!

Keep up the good work!




Briely says...


Thank You :)




A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.
— Markus Zusak, The Book Thief