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For The Ones We Love

by Paulnitro14


For The Ones We Love

It may be hard to let go to the ones we love but that’s what i had to do. I had to let go the the one and only animal who understood me. When he (my cat) was around he made me feel like I belong. If it wasn’t for the way he made me feel I don’t think I would be here today. When i was in an emotional downfall he was there to bring me to the the light. Even if I was in the deepest part of my hatred where my inner demon lives he found a way to my heart and brung me out. I think he was a guardian angel sent to me to support and love me like a mother bear would do to her cubs. One day he started to love me more than normal. I didn’t think a second thought about it because he always loved me. I was arrogant. Sure. A fool. Definitely. But when i was around him I could forget about my problems and be in another reality with nothing but peace and quiet. But when he died i didn’t know what to do. My life revolved around him and without him I started raging like the Hulk in one of my rages. I eventually isolated myself from the world. I eventually wounded up in a downfall that not even my cat can bring me out of. But he did anyway. Even though he isn’t here with me i can feel and sense him watching over me. It was hard to let go to him. But someday we all have to let go to something we have a sentimental attachment to. It may be hard to do but we will eventually heal and i did somewhat. Letting go to him was the hardest thing i had to do. I had a strong emotional and sentimental attachment to him. I fought to keep him alive like anyone would do to something they had a strong sentimental attachment to. But i realized all I was doing was delaying the inevitable and keeping him in pain. Once i made the choice to put him down, I cried like a fire hose expelling water at a fire. I was the fire and I didn’t want to be put out. Being put out meant that all the memories i made with Fat Cat would disappear with him. There will always be one thing that I will never forget about Fat Cat and that was how his fur felt like velvet sheets on a thousand cotton balls when he slept by my side at night.  


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83 Reviews


Points: 8273
Reviews: 83

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Thu Sep 12, 2019 12:04 pm
Asith wrote a review...



Hi! I really like how much emotion you've put into such a small piece. There's nothing that hits the heart strings more than the death of a beloved pet; it's painful. Kudos for having the bravery to write about it. I hope you don't mind, but here's some criticism:

"It may be hard to let go to the ones we love but that’s what i had to do"
This first sentence is a good example of your lack of punctuation. It's a problem throughout your whole piece! Punctuation is important; bad punctuation completely throws off any experienced reader. Perhaps you didn't want to use much punctuation in a stream-of-emotion piece like this; perhaps you're not comfortable using advanced punctuation -- but you have to use the basics! Commas would make your piece read so much better. It's the easiest fix that would get you the most improvement.

"I was arrogant. Sure. A fool. Definitely."
This is a great sentence that has been hurt by your lack of punctuation. It unfortunately loses all meaning :(

"My life revolved around him and without him I started raging like the Hulk in one of my rages."
You're raging; saying you're in a rage is redundant.

"I eventually isolated myself from the world. I eventually wounded up in a downfall that not even my cat can bring me out of. But he did anyway."
This part is a good example of two things:
1)Pointless repetition of "i eventually". It just fluffs up your work and makes it seem amateurish, without adding anything to the story. Re-reading your own work can help you find these redundancies.
2)Tense. You've got your tenses mixed. It should have been "not even my cat could get me out of". It can be tricky at first, but getting tense right is great skill, so look into it!

To conclude, I'd just like to say that your story is good as an emotional piece. The errors I've listed above muddy the effect slightly, which is why I think that rectifying them could leave this as an incredibly well-done and heart-wrenching bit of writing. You should totally keep going with revising this :)
Additionally, (and this might just be personal preference), I think you should stick to raw emotions. Using metaphors like "a fire hose expelling water at a fire" don't always work well. Here, I think they've distracted from the actual emotion. Everyone relates to bawling; just describe it plainly! It's especially strange because the metaphors only start at the very end of the piece. Either go with them from the beginning, or stick to your really good raw style!




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27 Reviews


Points: 257
Reviews: 27

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Fri Mar 15, 2019 11:19 pm
Morgan wrote a review...



You know, when I read this, it reminded me of the song “Happier” by Marshmello. The song really made me cry, and I was close to doing so when I read this. I’m really sorry for you, but you know what my mother used to say? “You lose something, you gain something.” So, what I’m saying is..you lost your cat, and you loved him but I guarantee you that one day, someone or something will return that same amount of love. I know, cheesy and you can call it good karma, but it’s true. I belive hundred percent in Karma becuase it worked for me so many times.

So..honestly, don’t worry, and I think you did a great job writing this becuase I felt your pain and that is exactly what a good writer should do. Welcome to YWS and I can’t wait to review more of your work.

~your friend, Morgan




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271 Reviews


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Reviews: 271

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Wed Mar 13, 2019 10:16 pm
Liberty wrote a review...



Hi Paulnitro14!

Hope you're doing well. I'm here to give you a review as you requested. Okay, firstly, I'd like to say that I have a sentimental attachment to cats. Any animal actually, and if I see them die in front of me, it just tears me apart. Once, I saw a dead rat on the side of a road and I bawled my eyes out. It's really sad to lose someone you love so much. I probably don't understand your pain 'cause I've never had a pet before because of my sister (she's allergic to fur). This was a seriously touching story. It almost made me cry. It's just sad. I'm really sorry for you're cat.

I have to stop getting so emotional! Anyways, you're grammar and everything was fine, but I did see a few mistakes here and there.

1.

It may be hard to let go to the ones we love but that’s what i had to do.


Over here, you didn't capitalize the bold letter. It's supposed to be capitalized. I also saw a few others that needed to be capitalized. Onto the next one:

2.
Even if I was in the deepest part of my hatred where my inner demon lives he found a way to my heart and brung me out.


I used to have this problem where I'd always write the wrong past tense of a word. The bold word is the wrong past tense for 'bring'. It's supposed to be 'brought'.

3.
It may be hard to do but we will eventually heal and i did somewhat.


Isn't it supposed to be somewhat? *shrug* I have no clue. Anyways, I see that you're new here! Welcome! Welcome! <(^.^<) I can't wait to see more of your works soon. By the way, if you found anything that i said rude or something like that, forgive me.

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




Paulnitro14 says...


Thank you for the feedback Liberty.



Liberty says...


Anytime! :)




“Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.”
— Dylan Thomas