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I am cold. My life is dull. My room is dark.

by TheMulticoloredCyr


I am cold. My life is dull. My room is dark.

Minnesota, known for lakes and snow.

Minnesota, home to misremembered me.

My family, the topic of gossip and ridicule for former family friends.

My family, the unknown killers of my acclaimed spark.

The basement, the dim place you put your extra things.

The basement, the location of my pocket of nowhere.

I am cold. My life is dull. My room is dark.

The water, the cool, chlorinated, escape from the summer heat.

The water, where my chlorine allergy and temperature-sensitivity makes my skin boil.

Four PM, the time of day where energy runs low and dinner comes to mind.

Four PM, the time my bus reaches the place I will wait up to two hours to be picked up.

Black, the color of order and shadows.

Black, the color of nearly everything my pastel-loving chaotic former-emo self owns.

I am cold. My life is dull. My room is dark.

Blankets, pieces of fabric meant to ward away the cold.

Blankets, the things I pile stop myself every night in hope of escaping the basement chill.

Movies, one of my deepest passions and inspirations.

Movies, one of the things I can’t talk about in person because no one genuinely cares.

Pastels, colors that make everything look bigger and brighter.

Pastels, the colors my past-obsessed family can never believe I love.

I am cold. My life is dull. My room is dark.

I can wrap myself in another blanket.

But it seems sometimes that it’s my own blood that’s frozen.

I can try another hobby.

But a song won’t be noticed more than the drawings, stories and costumes I pour my heart into.

I can paint my dull grey walls, or cover them with my pictures.

But maybe it’s not the coloring or the lack of light that makes it feel so dark.


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6 Reviews


Points: 2
Reviews: 6

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Fri Mar 15, 2019 2:28 am
averyismediocre says...



Also, I would consider changing the title to something shorter like just, "I am cold." because yours is kind of lengthy. That's up to you though.




User avatar
6 Reviews


Points: 2
Reviews: 6

Donate
Fri Mar 15, 2019 2:27 am
averyismediocre wrote a review...



Oh my gosh. That was such a beautifully worded poem. Everything had such a vivid description that I could either see or feel exactly what you were talking about. I absolutely loved the use of repetition with both the central phrase of "I am cold. My life is dull. My room is dark." and whenever you mentioned a specific thing like water or blankets. I love how you broke free of the repetition by the end. And speaking of the end, by far my favorite part of the poem was when you said, "But maybe it's not the coloring or the lack of light that makes it feel so dark." I resonated with that so much. Plus making it into one stanza really fit the vibe of the poem itself. Looking at this poem from a more mechanics standpoint, the punctuation was used very well and your capitalization was good. I don't even think I saw a misspelled word. Overall, you did an outstanding job on this and I can't wait to see what you write next.






Thanks!




I was weeping as much for him as her; we do sometimes pity creatures that have none of the feeling either for themselves or others.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights