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Suicide

by Anma


Suicide

You start your life young

Were you think life’s all unicorns 

and roses

You believe everything is easy

And you just run your courses

Your heart is perfect

While others are broken

But you hit a dead end

And don’t know where you're going

You choose your easy way out

Without thinking.’

No Life No Feeling

No Life No Responsibility

No Life No Hate

No Life is just Great….

But what you didn’t know

Is what you left behind

Your family, your friends, your love,

But most of all your pain.

Now your love turns to hate,

Your happiness turns to sorrow,

And your pain…. Never goes away.

It grows in your loved one's hearts

But didn’t you think this would make it better?

It only made it worse!

Now it will never be the same….

You left a hole in everyone heart

Now you only stand in the dark

Watching as everyone falls apart….


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Points: 106
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Mon Jun 21, 2021 1:02 pm
jaycee_sl wrote a review...



Hi, there.

People have different takes on suicide and whether or not it is a 'good or bad thing'. It seems you have taken both positive and negative perspectives in the decision to take one's life although ultimately chose to end on this

"Now it will never be the same….

You left a hole in everyone heart

Now you only stand in the dark

Watching as everyone falls apart…."

Please take into consideration that your (in the poem) decision is based on someone else and their feelings and/or emotions. To base a life or death experience on how someone else would feel is both courageous and a means to rob a part of yourself of a full decision.

Beautiful poem, thought provoking. I enjoyed it.

-jaycee_sl




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Fri Jun 11, 2021 5:25 am
slubbs24 wrote a review...



Slubbs here with a small review.

This poem is deep! I like it, it’s so heavy and meaningful.

You truly captured the consequences of one who takes their life away. The consequences others have to go through.

The flow was good, it was easy to read and understand the situation.

The No part was for sure my favourite, the way you added it to your poem was perfect.

Overall there were a couple grammar errors but it was beautifully written and had lots of meaning.

~slubbs




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Thu Jun 10, 2021 10:41 pm
WinnyWriter says...



Hey there. This poem is so tragic and yet so brave of you to write. Issues like suicide call for those still living to raise their voices on behalf of this type of tragedy and raise awareness. I think this poem does that well.

I love how you started out with the blank backdrop of an innocent young heart and mind. To me, it hints at the "it will never happen to me" mentality. And yet you've shown that pain happens and life can get so heavy. I commend you for showing that there are legitimate burdens that those with suicidal tendencies bear. You don't write them off, and you don't depict the victims as crazy or insane, but as real people with real storms inside of them. You've illustrated the very real battle that happens when suicide starts to look like a legitimate option.

I really appreciate how you've used the ending to show that suicide leaves devastating consequences and is not the solution the victim was looking for after all. You've picked up the issue of those left behind. And with that, you've shown us that the pain of suicide is two sided. More than that, it's irreversible. Really great job.

Keep up the good work!




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Thu Jun 10, 2021 1:41 pm
anne27 wrote a review...



Hi Anma!! I'm here to leave a quick review.

This poem is so breathtaking!! Heartwarming!! Incredibly tragic and what not. It perfectly captures what suicide is. My condolences to you and your sister. I hope you cope with the loss soon.

Let's talk about the poem.
MESSAGE
The message is powerful and absolutely true. Unique too- in a way that a lot of people write on their thoughts of suicide rather than writing about the consequences. It reminds me of a book by Rebecca Wait- The view on the way down. Which also talked about the family's difficulty in dealing with a suicide. Absolutely remarkable- your poem is!! Really great message. How to get away from 10s of haters we cause pain to 100s of lovers - of course the lovers and haters can be living or nonliving.

POETIC BEAUTY
Your poem was beautiful. I especially loved some phrases and lines so much.

No Life No Feeling

No Life No Responsibility

No Life No Hate

No Life is just Great….

This has got to be my favorite part really !! The repetitions are incredible. And the meaning crystal clear. Which reminds me, in one of our family discussions the topic was suicide- and one thing was said which I'd like to share.
'How can you take something that you can't give or make?'
Talking about life of course.

Overall, I absolutely loved your piece. Remarkable job!!
Keep writing !! :)




Anma says...


Tysm! I%u2019m looking to publish it by the end of 2021 and it%u2019s my best poem yet. Tysm for the hospitality! Poet to poet if you have any suggestions let me know! Anything helps! :3



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Wed Mar 13, 2019 9:24 pm
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starryknightt wrote a review...



Hey, Anma.

Breathless. That's what I am. This is absolutely tragic. It's incredibly written, and you put what I believe into words almost perfectly. I'm feeling "Neon Gravestones" in this poem, and that's great, because that means it resonates. In the readers' minds, your mind, and anyone who has struggled like this before, on both sides of the coin.

I saw a few spelling errors, but when you're pouring your heart onto a page it's bound to be a little messy. That's not what the poem's about, anyway.

I can't wait to read more of your art.

-M




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Tue Mar 12, 2019 4:02 pm
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Liberty says...



Is this for real? Does this poem mean you're sister committed suicide...?




Anma says...


Not my sister my sisters boyfriend but yes



Liberty says...


Okay, makes sense. That's sad...



Anma says...


Ya..



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Tue Mar 12, 2019 12:40 am
Morgan wrote a review...



Hey Morgan here.
This was such a well written poem, and I’m pretty sure that this the first work I’ve ever reviewed for you and let me just say.....you made a great first impression with your writing.
You just have a few careless mistakes that isn;t really that big of a deal. I’ll show them to you after I’m done with my review.

anyway, I think you starred in almost all the things that a poem would require. The reader (me) knows what the point of the poem is about, there is some rhyming, and you put in some some effort that shows emotion as well. So...if I were a teacher, I would deffinetely give you an A+ on this. This was really good.

Now, I just have one suggestion. The name of your poem is “Suicide” so maybe in your poem, talk about something relating to suicide. Like since she did all these things, She is surrounded with bad thoughts and ideas of suicide. I’m not sure how to put it, but then again, I’m not the best at explaining things. Ask me if you’re not sure.

so.....you just have some minor mistakes. Don’t worry about them, though.

“You belive everything easey.”

I think this is supposed to say, “You think everything is easey.”

plus, I think maybe adding some punctuation would help too. It would help with the readying and for it to flow more easily.


Okay..so that’s pretty much about it. I think you did phenomenal with this and I absolutely loved it. I can’t wait to read/ review more of your work. Good job!!!!!

~Morgan :)





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