Hi, it’s Princess here to review your poem! Please don’t be offended or feel you have to change anything if you don’t want to - everything I say in this review is simply my opinion.
To begin, I’d like to say this is a really good poem with a really serious theme and you have shown that theme well throughout the poem. About the length of the poem - although it is quite long, none of it is fluff or nonsense. Good job on that.
The first stanza is really good. It’s a really interesting way to start a poem, and you certainly made it work.
The second stanza is also very good and I have no comments on it.
“with all our might” - I think this would sound better with an extra word is in, maybe “for all of our might”.
The fourth stanza was good, but parts of it didn’t make sense, such as “your poor men”. But I liked the concept of speech in it!
The fifth stanza was also very effective and worked well, but I was confused by “a hungry world”.
The sixth stanza was good and I have no comment on it.
In the seventh stanza, I was confused by the last two lines. What do you mean by “your bodies might bend”?
I liked the phrase “knocking on death’s door” in the eighth stanza. I also liked the added on line at the end.
I didn’t really understand the first line of the ninth stanza but the rest of it was really good.
In the tenth stanza, I was quite confused by the last line.
I really liked the eleventh and twelfth stanzas and I have no comments on them.
In the thirteenth stanza, what do you mean by “no God or fright”?
I really like the fourteenth stanza, especially the last line, “Let our sacrifice be profound.” This closed the poem really well.
Overall, I think that with a bit of development and a few edits, this poem would reach its full potential and be an amazing poem. Once again, please don’t be offended or feel you have to do anything in this review as it is all just my opinion. I hope this was helpful and have a good day!
Points: 1798
Reviews: 30
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