Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Romantic

E - Everyone

Elizabeth (#3)

by LordStar



Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
14 Reviews


Points: 76
Reviews: 14

Donate
Fri Mar 15, 2019 3:11 am
averyismediocre wrote a review...



Wow, that was such a beautifully worded poem. Because it's in freestyle, it reads like a love letter and it makes it even better. I love the descriptions of colors in the beginning. Honestly, the whole first stanza is amazing. Especially the line, "a gentle hue, an ocean of safe". The part where you said "you make me want to exist." made me want to cry because of how simple yet deep it was. Overall, I highly enjoyed this. Thank you for making it and I cant wait to see your next poem!




User avatar
271 Reviews


Points: 608
Reviews: 271

Donate
Tue Mar 05, 2019 4:20 pm
Charm says...



This is SO BEAUTIFUL AAHHH <3

I love it.




User avatar
92 Reviews


Points: 3941
Reviews: 92

Donate
Mon Mar 04, 2019 12:30 pm
kostia wrote a review...



Hello there Cloudkid!

I am Kostia and I will give you a brief review and my honest opinion on your poem.

I will begin with my opinion which was that this poem is very sweet! I rarely see such sweet statements around here nowadays! So, good for you!

Now to the review.

Wording:
Your vocabulary and phrasing was very well put, simple but emotional. I liked how you played with words and colours throughout the text. Especially here:

"A gentle hue an ocean of safe
Especially when I myself am blue"

I really liked what you did here!

Structure:

Your stanzas are nicely put according to the themes that emerge from the poem. Nothing to note here.

I wanted to point out that even though I am a lover of free verse writing style in poetry, there are some cases that rhyming would make a poem sound much better. I believe this is one of them. Your poem has the atmosphere and the feeling of a love song. For that reason only I believe that trying to add some more rhymes (because you already have a few) would make it better.

If you don't feel like it my opinion is to exclude the rhymes you have already since it can be confusing. Read it out loud to see my point.

Spelling and grammar

Nothing to note here apart from a minor detail.

"My our pen" I believe what you meant here is "May our pen"

Overview
That was a fairly good read. It was simple and amusing. Well done!

Keep writing

Best regards
Kostia





It is spiritually invigorating, says a friend, who converted at eighteen from Christianity to poetry.
— Anne Lamott