Hey alliyah! Incoming review!I love the formatting and style of this poem! It's really cool and I shall review it now!!So I shall start with critiques. I was put off by
a biological impulse in sea turtles and pacific salmon causes them to return to their birthplace
a specific plot of land has been carved into my bones;
Hello again! This is so lovely and bittersweet and beautiful, I'm not sure if I can write a review that will do it justice! I'll try to do my best. First off, the subject of nostalgia is one that I have a lot of personal associations/connotations with (everyone does, I'm sure), and yet even though a lot of the specific images you've created don't fit with my own definition of nostalgia, I found myself suddenly nostalgic for the memories described in the poem, so you've absolutely succeeded there. Anyways, on to the specifics:On rereading the very first line, the word "bitter", though I first just accepted it as part of the "bittersweet" that everyone uses to describe nostalgia, on its own it feels not quite right. Bitterness of feeling is, to me, associated with jealousy and envy and a selfish sense that things never went quite right, which jars with the rest of the poem because, though it's seeped with sadness, it's also overflowing with love for a home that is no longer so close.In the lines:
to the sweat and hum of mayfly summers,winters where the snow absorbs even the sound of breathing.
it should be noted that certain feelings are decidely irrational
2: a specific plot of land has been carved into my bones;
but a memory can never really be returned to.
laughing because we had no idea who we were
an address, or place, or a person,
i've searched and searched to try to find it,
I always love your work, this is wonderful.
The poem is a very exceptional piece, and it leaves me with a homesick feeling as well this reminds me that the place I live in though beautiful, is not the home I grew up in.
This is awesome! Please don't change anything about the poem itself! It's amazing.
This poem is fantastic. Can you PM me a copy of this poem? I want to keep it for myself. What's the poem a week prompt? Can you link me?
Hi Alliyah. I’m Morgan and I’m new to YWS so if I’m doing this wrong pls don’t mind. lolI think you did a good job writing this. Just like what Chinku had said, the narrations really give the reader a vivid image of what this poem was based on and it was really evocative. When I first saw it, I was surprised by the nos-tal-gia (noun) part. It felt professional to me and I really enjoyed the piece.
Hey there alliyaha!Happy to read your poem, that even the 1st one after a long time. The narrations before the stanza makes it easier to understand and gives an intense meaning of the tale though. An usual life of a person, who fall in love, run out of home and came back to home as a home sicker makeing the tale worth it. Most lovely part of the story is, the comparison/link up of turtle, salmon and human, all the living beings are home sicker and the all come back to home when the day ends. Yes, sometimes it's not the birthplace but it's definitely a home. All the best
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