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The Escape

by Luke14


The Escape

Your leaving here in the morning

Not coming back this afternoon

First I got to tell you something

Gotta know before I see the moon

If I leave this world tonight

Promise me that you will thrive

Honestly I hate those brights

They exposed your frights

Your happier without me

Your happier without me

Here

What difference, would it make?

I would like to make you laugh too

But I don’t exist or i’m a bore

If I am human just like you

Then why is talking to me a chore?

If I leave this world tonight

Promise me that you will thrive

Honestly I miss my frights

It’s no longer bright

It’s no longer bright

Your happier without me

Your happier without me

Here

So what difference does it make?

If I, disappear

My sub conscience mask is stuck to me

I thought it’d keep me safe

Now I just, want to be free

I wanna look just like me.... 

....again

So If I leave this world tonight

Promise me that you will thrive

Honestly I hate those brights

They all made me blind

To you

To me

To the love that I sould see


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User avatar
311 Reviews


Points: 17230
Reviews: 311

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Fri Jan 11, 2019 7:00 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi, Shikora here with a review.

Let's get to it.
I really like this song you have come up with. It's really nice, the works are full of so much emotion and feeling, almost makes it feel so real. I really like the name you chose, I think it goes really well with the words and the meaning behind this song.

But sadly I did see a few thing that need to be fixed, but that is why I'm here.

The only thing I really did see, is that you have know punctuation, and it really affects your song. It doesn't allow us to feel the tune that it's apposed to be in. So I'm going to point out one or to things to show you, then you can do the rest yourself.

Promise me that you will thrive

This needs a question mark at the end.

Promise me that you will thrive

And this one needs a comma.

So I just pointed those two out to show you what I mean, but there is a trick to spotting the places where the punctuation should go. You should read your work aloud to yourself and see were ever you stop for breath is were you put the commas question marks and all that stuff.

Well that's all from me for now. I really liked reading and reviewing your work, and I really hope to see more from you. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D




Luke14 says...


Thank you so much! I will get right on my corrections.





Glad I could help you out. :P



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30 Reviews


Points: 168
Reviews: 30

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Fri Jan 11, 2019 5:22 am
tinybookfarie wrote a review...



Hi, tinybookfaire here for a review...
I can really tell this was a song and i honestly wish that I could hear the song in person. I love the theme, I love your word play, and I love what you were meaning in this song. Now, there is one part that I would like to point out is the part that said....

First I gotta tell you something
Gotta know before you see my moon.

I’m not really sure what you mean by “moon” but I would just like to suggest another way you could put it.

First I gotta tell you something
Gotta know before I’ll never see you.

Everything else is pretty lyrical and good, but this was the only part I would like to bring to your attention. I would like to understand what you’re referring to when you say “If I, disappear”, but besides that, I think you did a wonderful job and it’s too bad that I can’t hear this song in person. Keep up the good work!




Luke14 says...


Well disapear meaning to go away, it's saying what difference because the speaker is asking how would it be any different if he were not there, considering he believes he hardly has a preceance being there anyhow. But, I could of added a little something to make it easier to understand. And when I put, "before you see my moon," that was a metaphor, meaning, before he dies, the moon being a symbol of night. But I can understand how one could misinterpret that, thank you for pointing it out!





Yeah, that%u2019s kind of what I thought as as well and you%u2019re welcome. :) :) :)




I say, in matters of the heart, treat yo' self.
— Donna, Parks & Rec