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A New Ally - The Creature Inside Chapter 3

by bigsisfarmer


“Boom!”

My eyes flew wide opened. What was that sound?

I found myself laying on the ground. I slowly sat up, my head felt light. I looked around. It appears that there had been an explosion. My tube was no longer there. A short distance away, both my father and Nerd-boy were passed out on the control panel. Behind me, I observed that there was a hole in the wall. No guards were in the general proximity, and I discovered that they were preoccupied with something else.

It was the perfect opportunity to escape.

I slowly stood. Wobbling slightly on my feet. I gazed around once more, to gather my bearings and to reevaluate the room. I jogged to the opening, and gazed around the clearing, checking for anyone. gazed around the clearing, checking for anyone. continued to jog into the woods.

Once I had walked some distance inside of the woods, I spotted a tree, and climbed into it. I sat, thinking that the guards might be looking for me. My mouth felt dry.

I needed water, but there was no way to get some. I will just have to make due with nothing.

I rearranged the branches of the tree so that I was completely hidden. There was nothing else I could do. I waited, not moving an inch.

Something moved. I heard a slight rustle of branches, a soft crunching of leaves. It sounded as though several people were slinking through the trees, trying not to get caught. I slowed my breathing, moving slightly so that I could barely see the ground below.

Three dark figures traveled through my vision. It was hard to make out, but after squinting my eyes I could identify them. At the front, the obvious leader was Nightwing. Directly behind him, was Blue Beetle, a recent objective of the Light for some reason. Then, at the rear of the group, I could spot Beast Boy, his green skin almost blending into the foliage below. They were obviously trying to break into the warehouse.

Maybe I could help them. It would be my chance to finally help someone. If I succeeded, the heroes would trust me, and I might have a place to stay. If I failed, I could always tell my father that I was trying to lead the heroes into a trap. Nevertheless, it was better than staying here.

I jumped down from the the tree, and landed behind the unsuspecting heroes. I was immediately met with two Escrima sticks, a large plasma blaster, and one huge, green, lion.

This might have been a bad idea.

Nightwing was the first to relax slightly. He disarmed his Escrima sticks, and the other superheroes did the same. Beast Boy was the first to speak.

“What is a girl like you doing out here?” I was questioned by the Green Bean.

I folded my arms over my chest and stared down at the Green Bean. “I’m older than you little Dummkopf.” (“Idiot” in German) I smirked, know that the little Green Gremlin didn’t understand what I had said. I noticed that Nightwing gave me a look, but I ignored him.

“Woah, calm down amigo.” Blue Beetle said, attempting to keep the peace. He then titled his head to the side. “How did you get out here?”

“No soy tu amigo y no tengo la obligación de responder tu pregunta. De hecho, debería preguntarte lo mismo.” (“I am not your friend, and I have no obligation to answer your question. In fact, I should be asking you the very same thing.” in Spanish) I replied, staring down at the Blue Abomination.

I could tell the Blue Beetle was trying to hold back his anger.

This wasn’t going well. I came down to help, and now I’ve enraged two superheroes. Not exactly going to plan. I just couldn’t help but tease. Plus, it’s not like I’m ever going to see them again anyways.

I wondered why Nightwing kept silent, with an even gaze, but I blew it off as nothing.

“Ok, let’s get down to the chase.” I stated flatly, ignoring the glares of the two younger superheroes, and looking directly at Nightwing. “I would like to help. I happened to be in the area, and I sort of know my way around this place. I can help you get in, get out, and so forth.” I then unfold my arms. “If this is another one of your “recon” missions,” I drew my hand into a quotation mark, “then I can help you avoid the guards.” I folded my arms once again, awaiting my answer.

Nightwing sighed, the first thing I had heard from him all night. “If you would allow Ms.Martin to examine your mind for anything suspicious, then I’ll let you, but if she finds something, or you refuse, then we will have to take you into custody.” He folded his arms as well, mimicking me.

I rolled my eyes, and unfolded my arms, moving them to my hips. “Oh sure, if one doesn’t want their mind hacked then they must be a villain.” I sighed. “It’s a deal, or whatever.” I continued to put-up my nonchalant front.

Suddenly, another Green Blob appeared in front of me, except this one was taller and a female. I noticed that she had red hair like mine.

Oh well, this is going to suck.

She had a high voice, that was secretly annoying to me, but I showed no indication of it. “I’m going to go into your mind. You have to open it up to me so that you don’t get hurt.”

I rolled my eyes again, starting to store away some memories that might be harmful. “Just do it already.” I could sense the anger coming at me from all directions.

I felt a presence start to weave it’s way through my mind. I purposely resisted for a couple seconds, before I relaxed, and let her in. I strategically led her away from “suspicious” things. Eventually, I could feel her presence partially retreat. She did remain in my primary language part of the brain. I know the technical term, but I’m just too lazy to tell you.

Ms. Martin spoke into my mind. “I’m going to put you on a mind link with the rest of the team.” I could feel multiple presences in my brain now.

I heard Nightwing’s voice ring through the mind link. “We have a new ally.”


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263 Reviews


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Tue Jan 15, 2019 7:44 pm
rosette wrote a review...



Hey, bigsisfarmer! :D

I reviewed the chapter previous to this one, though I'm not sure if you remember me. Either way, I'll jump right in.

Specifics:

No guards were in the general proximity, and I discovered that they were preoccupied with something else.

Preoccupied with what? This is kind of vague.

I jogged to the opening, and gazed around the clearing, checking for anyone. gazed around the clearing, checking for anyone. continued to jog into the woods.

I think this must have been a mistake. :P

I will just have to make due with nothing.

Whoops. You slipped into a different tense here. Should be: "I would just have to make due with nothing".

At the front, the obvious leader was Nightwing. Directly behind him, was Blue Beetle, a recent objective of the Light for some reason. Then, at the rear of the group, I could spot Beast Boy, his green skin almost blending into the foliage below.

So, since these people aren't mentioned at all in the previous chapters, I'm wondering how our girl knows them and recognizes them and such? She must have had some contact with them before, and I think it'd be beneficial for you to mention that. I have no idea who they are and I'm feeling rather clueless.

If I succeeded, the heroes would trust me, and I might have a place to stay. If I failed, I could always tell my father that I was trying to lead the heroes into a trap.

lol. I like how this reveals more of her character. She's a funny person, but she's pretty fearful. For now. :p

Beast Boy was the first to speak.

“What is a girl like you doing out here?” I was questioned by the Green Bean.

I folded my arms over my chest and stared down at the Green Bean.

To be honest, this confused me a bit because I thought Beast Boy and Green Bean were different people. I was sitting here wondering where in the world this Green Bean dude came from. xD Since you already mentioned Beast Boy was the first to speak, I think it might be best for you to eliminate the "I was questioned by the Green Bean" statement. But please do keep the next sentence. I love the Green Bean nickname and how Blue Beetle is later referred to as Blue Abomination - it really goes to show more of our girl's humorous nature.

She had a high voice, that was secretly annoying to me, but I showed no indication of it.

I don't know why I found this funny.

She did remain in my primary language part of the brain. I know the technical term, but I’m just too lazy to tell you.

I truly think it would be best to refrain from addressing the reader. I find it a bit awkward and the fact these types of sentences are infrequent make it even more so.

Not-So-Specific:
Okay, okay. I said it before, I'll say it again: I love this character's voice. She's funny and witty and sarcastic and makes this story easier to get through. Also, she has red hair! *cheers* I love redheads. xp It's interesting to me how she keeps her cool throughout this. She wakes up to a boom, sees her father and Nerd Boy knocked out, and she makes a run for it. I'm not sure where I would have expected her to go (is there really anywhere she can be safe??) but the fact she took for the woods surprises me. Especially since she expressed her fear of the woods in chapter two. That being said, she didn't seem to show as much emotion in here as she did before. Whereas her knees were wobbling and hands were shaking before, you don't even mention her heart pounding like crazy when she escapes to the woods. I would think that getaway would physically affect her in some way.

Anyhow, I'm curious as to why these superheroes have blown up the lab. I'm wondering what their big plan is. The plot has certainly picked up with their arrival and I kind of can't wait to see what will happen next.

Welp, that's all for now!
I hope you have a great rest of the day, and thanks for sharing!
See ya next time ;D

~rosette <3




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Fri Jan 11, 2019 5:09 pm
RavenBlack wrote a review...



Hi, Rav3nB1ack here!

I'm going to review this as I go along :)

- I love the use of short sentences in the second paragraph, it really build the paces and illustrates how disorientated the Yara is.

-I've read your previous chapters so I know who 'Nerd-Boy' is. But when you called the scientist that, I thought it showed off Yara's personality and how much she hates these tests that her father keeps taking her too. But to use it as a actually name I don't think that works.

- You repeated the phrase: 'gazed around the clearing, checking for anyone.' Is that intentional or a mistake?

-When you mention that Yara sat in a tree, did you mean she sat on a branch or in the tree because I'm struggling to envision how she did the later.

-I love the adjective you used to describe how the men moved through the forest, it shows how well trained they are and makes them appear as cunning.

- I like Yara's thinking when she sees the heroes trying to break into the warehouse. She's very smart, she's thought of both angles and how it can work to her benefit. I like that!

-I love how sassy Yara's response was to Green Bean :P

-When writing dialogue in another language, especially a lot of dialogue - it's best to write it in English then in the dialogue tag write: 'she said in Spanish' - it's easier to read that way :)

-Also, why does Yara decide to speak Spanish at this point. I don't understand her motive for doing so...

-Why is Yara so dismissive of the heroes - I don't remember you mentioning her dislike towards them (if you did, I'm so sorry, just ignore this comment)

-I like the ending, it leaves me wondering what will happen next. Also Yara once again shows off how smart she is by storing away memories and directing her away from anything suspicious. She's pretty cool!


Overall, I enjoyed reading this chapter and I think this is an interesting concept. There are some grammar mistakes, so next time make sure to proof-read you're work to avoid them! But other than a few minor things, I liked it!

Keep writing!





I can't understand why people are frightened by new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones.
— John Cage