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E - Everyone


by lemonayyde

Humans are just animals with more self-control.
Strip that away and we're all just monsters with some manners for show.
The strongest will live and the weakest will die.
You do what it takes to fight and survive

And what do we do when someone sees through?
Sees the real you trapped inside of you?
We laugh at their talk
or brush them off, shut them up.
Because if we smile just right and act oh-so-polite
Maybe, just maybe, they'll forget your plight.
You'll be safe for a day, or a hour, hopefully more.
Go back to just playing those same games as before.

We all are just human in the end, after all.
We only care for ourselves, the others can fall.

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121 Reviews

Points: 191
Reviews: 121

Sun Jan 20, 2019 11:16 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...

This was really good, it flowed nicely, and has good word choice. It's deep. (Is that the word I'm looking for?) And I really enjoyed it. However, I feel like there should be some punctuation. For questions, there are question marks, but you didn't add periods. That just seems odd to me.
Other then that, it's a very good poem, and I look forward to seeing more from you!
As always, keep writing, and enjoy doing so!

lemonayyde says...

Whoops, I did forget the periods! I'll fix that right up :)

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107 Reviews

Points: 299
Reviews: 107

Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:21 am
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manilla says...

holy cow

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418 Reviews

Points: 21386
Reviews: 418

Fri Jan 11, 2019 7:15 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hi, Shikora here with a review.
Let's get to it.
So this is a really good poem. I saw the name and I thought it sounded really interesting, so I came and read your poem. It's good that you get your reader hooked right from the beginning, it's how you will make them keep reading your work. So great job.
I really like the feelings and emotion you put into this poem, it just made ti more enjoyable to read.

Now down to the thing I saw that made it a bit hard to read. Is that you don't have any punctuation at the end of your sentences. So this is just a small thing, but if you have a hard time putting your commas and stuff in the right places then read your work aloud to yourself, and when you stop to take a breath, you then put a comma or full stop, or something like that it the spot.

Well that was the only thing I could see, I really liked reading and reviewing your poem, and I hope to see more work from you on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D

lemonayyde says...

Thank you so much for the review! I will add punctuation to make it easier to read :)

Glad I could help! :)

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33 Reviews

Points: 48
Reviews: 33

Fri Jan 11, 2019 4:47 am
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tinybookfarie wrote a review...

Tinybookfarie here for a review, and I would like to say how amazing you did on this poem. I really enjoyed the topic. You were able to point out what we humans really are, and i just really like this. The one part that made me confused was the part that said, “See’s the real you trapped inside of you.” After rereading this part, it doesn’t sound that bad. I can see what you’re going for here, but maybe you could’ve done something more like...

And what do we do when someone sees through?
The real person trapped inside of you?

I mean, it was a great poem overall but I would just like to point out on this part. Other than that, I think this was really good. Good job and keep on writing!!!!! ;) ;);)

lemonayyde says...

Thank you so much for the review! I will try to fix that line :)

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25 Reviews

Points: 47
Reviews: 25

Fri Jan 11, 2019 3:57 am
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Luke14 wrote a review...

This poem gets into my head so well. There are a lot of poems and songs called human, but this one actually studies what it means to be one. How selfish, how cruel, and how were not so different from animals. I agree with the part, "we smile and brush them off," no one will speak of it, because they are afraid of the truth. Deep down, they know it to be true, but they do not what that truth to come into reality. In doing so, it's a basic need of survival, a common relex to protect morality. I can't blame them, but at the same time it feels wrong to deny. And we really are just demesticated animals. We put ourselves above them, but a the same time so many animals become demesticated, learn what we learn, if they phisically can, and they can be just like us. I truely was fasinated with this poem. It took at a look at a topic, that I have never considered.

lemonayyde says...

I'm so glad that you enjoyed it and that my poem made you think! That was what I was hoping for :)

Luke14 says...

No problem, i'll be sure to read whatever you have next!

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161 Reviews

Points: 9160
Reviews: 161

Thu Jan 10, 2019 2:03 pm
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Liberty500 says...

Nice job!

lemonayyde says...

Thank you!

Liberty500 says...

Your welcome! <3

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29 Reviews

Points: 4719
Reviews: 29

Thu Jan 10, 2019 1:12 am
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Liminality wrote a review...

Hello! I liked the concept behind this poem, especially with how you used the direct address because it makes the piece sound more authoritative, which helps when you're trying to reveal a big truth (i.e. that humans are monsters). Besides that, I'm not sure if this was intentional, but I really liked the shape of the poem. It looks a bit like an hourglass, which matches the theme. I thought the rhymes were pretty good, and I only wish they were more consistent, for instance in the 2nd stanza, where 'talk' doesn't quite rhyme with 'up'.

A few other comments:

1.) I thought some of the words and phrases were unnecessary here, as they are 'filler words' that I thought could weaken the authoritative voice of the peace. For instance, "a bit", "well" and "just". In my opinion, at least, the first line would read stronger as "Humans are animals with more self-control".

2.) I wasn't sure what you meant by 'the plight' in the 2nd stanza. Is it the plight of the 'real you' or something else? I'd appreciate it so much more if you could clarify if this is 'your plight', 'their plight', etc.

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this poem. I hope these comments are helpful and keep writing!

lemonayyde says...

Thank you so much for the review! I'll take a look at what you said and go through the poem to see how I can improve :)

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5 Reviews

Points: 90
Reviews: 5

Thu Jan 10, 2019 12:22 am
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CJ6233 wrote a review...

Hi! It's CJ6233 here to leave you a review! ... that was corny ok moving on, I really like this poem because it's true and there is nothing that can be argued with to prove you wrong, I only see one mistake which where you have 'a hour', it should be 'an hour'. Other than that this poem is amazing. I love the style you've used, rhyming every last word. Even if they don't sound exactly the same, if you read it correctly it works. It's a different idea from general poems, because most people right about equality or other things but you've wrote about how no matter if you're black or gay or anything you're still the same and only really care for yourself. If that's not what you're implying that's fine but that's how I see it and personally that's amazing to me. I don't know if you're black, gay or anything like that so if this seems offensive know that I don't mean it like that, I just am saying that we are all fighting for survival at the end of the day. I hope this helps you want to keep writing because I would love to read more things like this! I would love to read more of your work!

Keep writing!

lemonayyde says...

That's exactly what it was meant to do! And don't worry, even though I do identify as pan, I didn't find what you said offensive :) Thank you so much for the review!

CJ6233 says...

Your welcome! Anything to help :)

Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances.
— Maya Angelou