Young Writers Society

Such a simple, short, but powerful poem. I especially love the ending, it ties it together very nicely. The imagery this poem provides is amazing, lovely job in that department. However this line "Tired after walk," is awkward spoken outloud, and doesn't quite flow with the rest of the poem, trying changing it slightly, but not a lot. I do love this poem, excellent in the word choice and meaning. Keep writing.

Hey, FamelicosFudgel!

You've got quite the poem there!

Emotion = Awesome
Wording = Awesome

I just have one thing to suggest: in the second line you wrote 'tired after walk,'. Should there be an 'a' or 'his' in between 'after' and 'walk'?

Maybe you wanted it the way you have it? I don't know.

I have two words for you: KEEP WRITING!

~Liberty500

Hey!

It looks like you have had a few reviews for this, but I really enjoyed it. The only correction I can see needing made is that in the second line it should say walking. Is there a loss of capitalization on purpose because I see that you did add in punctuation?

I love the symbolism, that remembering his youthful days has caused him to feel alive yet once again. I'd love to see this extended into a short story. This is beautiful. I would love to see some more work from you, thanks for the great read, and if you need anything let me know,
~Rascalover

Hi there @FamelicosFudgel I am here to do a review on your work, So first thing that I notes ed with this work was is that it is very short, and that lead to another thing I feel like at the end there are Line that are missing, and so I feel like this is not really finished properly I will true to help you with this though as best I can. by the way as I can so your wording is really good so grate job on that.

Things that I see that could be a bit better
tired from walk, I think that walk should have an ing at the end I will shoe you what I mean by that down is Suggestions.

tired from walk, took a deep breath, Okay so now there is the third one that needs a bit more work, for it does not go into the line very well from the second. so down in suggestions it goes. also I mite ad a line to this one to go with the next a bit better to.
as he sat beside the path. This is down in suggestions for just a small reason
he again felt his heart. okay now this is also going to go in suggestions but what I can say I am going to right some other lines for you so that it is a bit longer and a bit better.

Suggestions
tired from walking.
He then took a deep breath,
his chest heaved in and out as he did so,
he sat beside the path.
he again felt his heart thumping.
It was a bit hot and muggy,
Sweat rolled down his face,
as he sat there on the path.
He was thinking of just staying there for a little bit,
as he had a brake form walking.

So that is all that I can say so I hope you like it, also keep righting the grate work here. if I came across as being a bit hard on you I am very sorry about it.

@EagleFly out to seek and kill

Hello! I am Bellarke, Or just B. I saw this, and I thought that I would stop by and give this a small review.

First off, I want to say that this was a very unique, and nice.

I just want to say that this is pretty cool, I can understand the old man's feelings, even though I am still young.

Your wording is great.

A nitpick that I had is you the capitalization, and the length.

Honestly, I would have made this poem a bit longer so that It shows more, but that it up to you.

Capitilization: You should have capitalized "Poor" and "Wiping."

OVERALL: I loved this, it gave of great feelings. Keep writing.

~B.

This reminds me of how my father feels all the time and how I would feel when I’m in my thirties. I really heart this