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The Beauty of the Unknown: Chapter 1 - In the Beginning

by JulietWrites


In the beginning, there was nothing. There was nobody. All there was was a blank space, empty, free of the boundaries of time and reality. The same space is in some parts of your head. 

A place for an idea.

 And then... 

There it was. The idea, thought up by someone or something, some celestial being we know little to naught of. But it was there, and it was moving fast. Out of nothing blossomed something beautiful, a universe. Now, you may know this universe as literally all that we know. But... you may be surprised at what little you know about reality. In fact, when the blank space was filled, it was filled with not one, but two ideas. One for our universe. And one for theirs.

 “They” are the inhabitants of the other universe. You know how you have these different parts of your head, one section for practical, necessary thinking like how to get from point A to point B and one for all your daydreams, your crazy wild ideas, and random thoughts? Well, that’s a lot how the universe is. I mean universes are. Sometimes, when you’re trying to think about something important and normal, like a math question, and you’re focusing hard, and you almost got it... but then you think, what if snow was warm? and there goes your concentration. That happens in our universes too. sometimes a wisp of the other will slip into the next accidentally, and we just have to deal with the insanity of it all. The wisp is the thing that makes people do crazy things, some light-hearted, but others darker, more insane. This is the full story of the two universes that exist, beyond the doubt of the average mind. This is what happens when worlds collide.


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15 Reviews


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Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:21 pm
Fantascifi66 wrote a review...



Hey!
Fanta here to review!
Firstly, welcome to YWS!
It's nice to see that you are eager to write, since you released a story right after you joined!
Ok, onto the story.

Details. Just some more details. I know that's a really irritating answer. I know that I don't like to be told that.
But you have a great opportunity for details in this piece.
Just read through it and think: If this was the book cover, how would it look like?

I would like you to break the story up a little more.
A little more SPACE (pun intended) between some lines. Think of the text as a painting. Of course, you can do that if you want, but don't put all the colour in two big dots. Try to spread the colour out a little bit, so it's like eight or six different dots. If you get what I mean.

But overall, a really great start to a story! Can't wait to see the second chapter! And remember, you do not have to listen to me at all. It's up to you.

If you ever need help, just send me a PM! I'm pretty new to the site too, but some things I do know, so I'll try to help the best I can.

Continue writing!
Your friend,

Fanta




JulietWrites says...


Thanks so much! All feedback is appreciated. :)



Fantascifi66 says...


You're welcome!



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Thu Dec 06, 2018 3:37 pm
TheMulticoloredCyr wrote a review...



Hey! So, this is pretty new, and I'll be going to chapter 2 next and reviewing that if I have anything to say, but for now I'm here, and you're here, and I'm rambling.

Okay, as usual, I'm going to go paragraph by paragraph then give my general opinion at the end.

"In the beginning, there was nothing. There was nobody. All there was was a blank space, empty, free of the boundaries of time and reality. The same space is in some parts of your head. "

As far as first lines go, this one is actually pretty good. There are no real questions that it raises, but that's made up for by that fact that anyone who reads it will want to know where you're going with it. I assume it was intentional that it mirrored the beginning of the book of Genesis in the Christian, Bible, solidifying the idea of this being a creation story. At least, that it is the creation story that you are telling right this second.

Honestly, there really nothing else for me to say here. I have no problem with anything else in the writing itself. The only real critique I can give is I would have labeled this as a prologue rather than a first chapter, as you don't really introduce any specific characters or direct conflicts, aside from the vague, kinda general collision of the two worlds you mentioned at the end there.

Really, it was a good start to a promising story and I hope that it continues to be so in the next chapter.




JulietWrites says...


Thanks so much! I've seen your reviews before and they're really good, so you have no idea how much I appreciate this.





You're welcome :)



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Thu Dec 06, 2018 3:22 pm
bigsisfarmer wrote a review...



Hey! This is a great start to your story! I really enjoyed is and it immediately caught my attention. If I seem harsh at all during my review, know that it is not my intention, and I'm just trying to help. Also. don't feel pressured to take any of my advice since I'm still learning.

"In the beginning, there was nothing."

I really like how this catches the reader attention. It draws me to the piece and keeps me reading.

"The same space is in some parts of your head."

This is when the reader can start losing interest. Try changing up the wording to something like this: "This is the same space that exists in the uttermost depths of your mind." That's just what I came up with on the fly, feel free to develop it if you'd like.

"A place for an idea."

This is really good. The only thing that I would suggest is to add a description word here. Try: "Perfect" or "ideal." Those again are just the words that come to mind.

"The idea, thought up by someone or something, some celestial being we know little to naught of."

This can kinda get confusing to the reader here. Try: "The idea. It was imagined by someone or something. A celestial being we know little to nothing of. A great being, that holds the fabric of the universe together." Feel free to develop to your liking.

"But it was there, and it was moving fast."

Never start a sentence with "But." This word should only be used to connect sentences except in dialogue when it must be used to express the tone of voice. Again for a couple of sentences down.

"You know how you have these different parts of your head, one section for practical, necessary thinking like how to get from point A to point B and one for all your daydreams, your crazy wild ideas, and random thoughts?"

Don't start with "You know how you." It can both confuse and turn off your reader. Try: "You might have noticed how you have two different sections of thought, one for practical solutions like how you would get from A to B, and one section for all of your wild, crazy, and unique daydreams, and random thoughts?"

"Well, that’s a lot how the universe is. I mean universes are."

The last sentence is kind of pointless since you have already established how there are two universes.

Other than that, this story is amazing so far, and I'm completely amazed by your unique idea and thought about this.

Keep up the great work!




JulietWrites says...


Thanks so much! Don't be afraid to give me your honest opinion. I swear I can take criticism :)! I really appreciate the review.



bigsisfarmer says...


No problem! Thanks for taking it so well!




You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...
— Dr. Seuss