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12+

Broken

by Bellarke


You left me broken,
forever alone.
The words that were left unspoken,
Never for you to be known.

The nights,
that I want to hide,
from the dark frights,
waking up without you at my side.

The raging storm inside of me,
it burns my heart slowly away.
I keep it hidden so you do not see,
and that is where it is going to stay.

I didn't know what to do,
my thoughts were scattered,
because I lost you,
and everything that mattered.

I was broken,
Always moving in slow motion,
Even though everything was frozen,
there was so much commotion.

Now I am being warmed,
making everyone look slow.
My thoughts are getting swarmed,

I am never letting them go.


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7 Reviews


Points: 279
Reviews: 7

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Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:40 pm
HannaLynn says...



Hey bellarke! I really like this poem. It is so very relatable to me personally and for others. You did such a wonderful job expressing ( i'm assuming ) your feelings.


~Hanna




Bellarke says...


Thank you!



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5 Reviews


Points: 158
Reviews: 5

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Thu Dec 06, 2018 1:52 pm
JulietWrites wrote a review...



Wow! This poem is so- so- full of feeling! It's positively saturated with passion. I can totally feel how you do! Just try not to let yourself fall into a hole of dark poetry. I did that once and it was a long two weeks of depression and wondering what the meaning of life was. Your use of language is amazing. Keep it up!




Bellarke says...


Thank you!!!



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14 Reviews


Points: 510
Reviews: 14

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Wed Dec 05, 2018 4:53 pm
PoTatOe001 wrote a review...



First of all, I would like to say, I am in tears!!!! I can relate to this poem in so many ways, and want to let you know, you are not the only one who feels like this! My favorite line is "I was broken always moving in slow motion, even though everything was frozen, there was so much commotion." I feel like this all the time. My life is often so chaotic and sometimes at the end of the day, I need to remind myself to remember to breathe. Also, Please let me know what you think of my pieces, because I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions of how to make it better. Thank you!! And Great Job with this piece! That's all I have to say for now! Have a Great Day!!! And Happy Writings!!!




Bellarke says...


Awwee! Thank you so much!



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10 Reviews


Points: 880
Reviews: 10

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Wed Dec 05, 2018 3:40 pm
interstella wrote a review...



Hi, Bellarke! I really like this poem! I especially enjoy your use of figurative language throughout the piece- "Storm inside of me," "Always moving in slow motion," "Everything was frozen," ect.
I interpreted this piece to be about someone who lost the one they love, and as a result, felt broken and depressed. This piece clearly conveys the sadness and distress one might feel after a breakup, or a similar event. The way I see it, a lot of it revolves around the narrator's inner turmoil, and how their mind is/was a mess when the heartbreak occurred.

My one pointer for this poem is to work on figuring out a meter, or a definitive rhythm for your poem. It has a clear rhyme scheme, which is a good start, but if your poem is going to rhyme, you should give it a consistent rhythmical pattern, like song lyrics.

It's okay not to have a strict meter to stick to- not all rhyming poems do, but it reads better with your audience. Here's a great example of a poem that reminds me of yours, that rhymes but doesn't have a meter- "Written on the eve of my 20th high school reunion, which I was not able to attend," by A.E Stallings:

"Just what I needed,
Just when the dreams had almost totally receded,

The dreams of roles for which I learned no lines and knew no cues,
Dreams of pop quizzes with no pants on and no shoes,

Just when I understood I was no longer among
Those ephemeral immortals, the gauche and pitiable young,

Suddenly come phone calls, messages sift out of the air
To ask who will be there..."

There's more, but I think you get the point. Not all good poems have a meter, but it's rare for them not to have one. Meter or not, I really enjoyed this poem. It telegraphs the narrator's anguish clearly, and your rhyming is very clever (I would never think to rhyme "warmed" with "swarmed).

Happy writing,

Stella :)




Bellarke says...


Thank you! :)



interstella says...


No problem!




The reason a boat sinks isn't the water around it. It sinks when water gets into it. Don't let what's happening around you weigh you down.
— dalisay