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hell's angel

by Anamel

Unloved by either. Hated by both
A human child, born to suffer
As he grew, so did the It.
Coddled close to his chest,
The chilling wings of forgotten spirits
Slapped against his sunken, mottled face
Trudging through the swamps, so he went
By dreary light of day, and richness of night.

The oily orbs, cast over with a glassy film,
Gave his mind a free plane to roam.
At first they stood from afar, faceless
And watchful, though not harmful.
Though the sunless skies thickened,
Shrouding whatever good was left
And feasted on its insides.
Yellow and gold fire tongues,
Burst from Hell’s brightest wick.

Then came the maw of madness,
Snacking on his frail bones,
And gnawing at his impressionable brains.
Frolicking from the confines of his dreams
And of weak apparitions watching from afar,
Morphed into prying eyes too close to bear.
From he they fed, taunted, and mocked
Until walls bled and sheep spoke.

Dangling from a precipe is a human flag,
Eyes hollow as caves, stony and cold as
Cocytus. Bound to this Earth, held aloft
By his warm hearted human companions.
Though their grips loosened, and so did the boy’s
As the chattering, snickering devils
Coerced him with bitter truths and sweet lies
On his flesh they tugged, his grave they dug;
For a human’s mind is a playground,
An object for powers above, below, and between.

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37 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 37

Thu Mar 26, 2020 3:41 pm
MiniGem26 wrote a review...

Your girl climing out of the jewelrybox for a short review.

I like the chilling imagery. I think the rhythm could be changed a little, unless you are going for free verse, in that case the rhythm is definitely okay.
This line has a large effect: "Unloved by either. Hated by both"
Since you said it is based on your story, I probably would understand the poem better if I read the context, but out of context the poem seems like maybe a few words tweaked would help it. From my understanding of the poem, it sounds like you are an entity of heaven and hell like this character is unwanted by both 'worlds'. If that is so, then the title "Hell's Angel", which suggests that this character is of both 'worlds' and it fits really well. I might be reading this poem wrong, but this is how I interpreted it.

I loved this deeply intriguing poem and I hope you keep writing. <3

This is Gem climbing back into her jewelrybox.

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73 Reviews

Points: 1779
Reviews: 73

Sun Dec 02, 2018 4:17 pm
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LittleLee wrote a review...

Little's here for a review!
Well, you got me wanting to read your book! I enjoyed this poem... It has many different levels, whether that was intentional or not. To me, the poem related to certain moments in my life when I felt unloved by everyone and like there was a beast inside of me that wanted to destroy all that I loved.
The imagery is simply spectacular. I see everything like it's happening in front of my eyes. The vivid description is fantastic. You've painted a masterpiece for the inner eye.

Unfortunately, I found that some parts are annoyingly vague or random. They don't connect with the earlier lines. The second half of the first stanza appears to be random. I don't really see that much connection between the two halves. Maybe it's just me.
A few grammatical mistakes are present, but seem accidental ones, so I won't point them all out to you.

I'm glad you didn't use a rhyme scheme for the poem; it would have inhibited yourself if you had used one.

I really don't have anything to say! It's a really well written poem, and I hope to see more of it's kind around soon!

Anamel says...


LittleLee says...

You're welcome!

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103 Reviews

Points: 497
Reviews: 103

Wed Nov 28, 2018 7:00 pm
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AmadeusW wrote a review...

I like the vivid imagery. I think the cadence/rhythm might be adapted a little, unless you are going for free verse, in which case the rhythm is definitely okay to play with.
The one line that to me is very unclear is the first one: "Unloved by either. Hated by both"
Since you said it is based on your novel/story, I probably would understand the first line better if I knew the context, but out of context the line seems like maybe a few words tweaked would help it make more sense? From my understanding of that line, it sounds like you are making a metaphor of heaven and hell - showing that this character is unwanted by both realms/entities. If that is so, then it may or may not match the title "Hellbound", which suggests that this character is definitely wanted by someone. I don't know, I might be reading this poem all wrong, but these are my ideas based on how I interpreted it.
The last three stanzas I interpret as saying that this character is helpless and is being taken advantage of by all the darkest evils of the human psyche. For me, I like to read a poem that sends some sort of message. It seems this poem doesn't really have a moral, unless it is not your intent to have a moral in the poem. If your intent for the poem is to simply be a detailed and metaphorical representation of the main character in your story, then that is a good job. If you want to send a message about something, then I would recommend going back over your poem and deciding how to adapt it so it sends a clear message/lesson. But that's only if you want there to be a message/lesson.
Hope this helps!

Anamel says...

I intended to make it longer with angels included trying to pull him up as the humans and demons held him so I suppose in the first line I was trying to convey it as being hated by both angels and demons because they view him just as an object or something like that idk. Didn't think it through lol I also had no idea what to name the poem so I kinda just pulled that off of the top of my head. You're also correct about the last three stanzas, and I didn't have an intent for a message just something centered around my character. I appreciate the insight, I definitely have a few errors

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.
— Chinese proverb