Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Science Fiction

E - Everyone

When time glitches

by Thecakesatruth


Time. It isn't real, but it dictates everything around us. Kind of like a surreal fairytale. Time is precious, each moment in your life counts for something. Even when it doesn't seem to matter. It scares me, to know this, that something we created, can basically control us in a sense.

But I guess time is what makes life worth living.

But time isn't perfect, much like me and you, it can mess up. It doesn't happen often, but glitches can occur, making us question reality.

This is a story about when time messed up.

It all started 7 AM that one morning, I had started my walk to school. After a few minutes, rain started to pour down everywhere, my shoes were seeped with water, leaving me feeling soggy and uncomfortorable. I was done with my day before it even started.

But then, all of a sudden, the rain stopped. It had lasted for maybe 2 minutes at the most, and there I was, starting my walk to school again. I swore that i'd already walked away from my house, but yet, it seemed like I had went back into the past and started all over again.

I began my walk to school.. AGAIN. This time, it didn't rain, it SNOWED.

"What the..." I trailed off staring at the snowflakes falling from the sky. "In the middle of spring?"

I shook my head, slightly smiling, and continued my ominous walk to jail- I mean school.

2 minutes later, the snow stopped. And I was back at my house, starting my walk again.

I felt a ping of fear, I knew this had to be some weird dream.

"This is freaky!" I screamed to myself, the neighbors must have thought I was insane.

Instead of beginning my walk to school this time, I ran inside of my house and locked the door.

I went upstairs to my room and searched for a thermometer, maybe I was sick, or something like that. I checked my temperature, 97 degrees.

"What is happening??" I rubbed my head, I felt a panic welling up inside of me.

I decided to lay down on my soft mattress, and to cover up in my silky blue blanket. My breathing quickened, missing one school day wouldn't be so bad, I would just have to make up a TON of work. But I guess that was the least of my worries.

I looked through the curtain, out of my window, this time there were massive winds. I watched as my neighbors car fell on its side, and I watched as the trees almost fell off themselves. I checked my phone, hurricane warning.

"Great!" I mumbled.

2 minutes later, it stopped. And guess what? I was beginning my walk to school AGAIN. I was getting sick and tired of the time "7 AM" by now. I needed to stop this time loop. But how?

Time needed to fix itself, learn from it's mistakes.

Actually? That would be way too easy! I had to come up with a plan on my own time, not that I had much of it anyways.

I decided to phone my mom, Andrea. She was out of town for a few days, possibly at the worst time she could have been.

"Hello?" My mom said in a rushed tone. "I'm doing something right now, Leah."

I gulped, here goes nothing. "Time loop..."

"Huh?" My mom said annoyed. "I really don't have time for this."

"I'm stuck in a time loop!" I shouted into the phone. "I swear I'm not crazy!!"

My mom stayed silent for a few moments before finally speaking. "Listen to me, Leah, Phone this number!"

My mom gave me her friend, Daves, number. She said he would know what to do. I made a mental note of it and waited till the next time loop to begin this "plan." I said plan, but I honestly had no idea what I was doing.

I phoned Dave.

"Ello'?" Dave spoke fragilely.

"Hey!" I talked frantically. "I'm the daughter of Andrea, your friend, IM STUCK IN A TIME LOOP."

Now that I think back to that, I probably should've worded it better. But oh well, I guess I'm your resident crazy.

"Don't worry!" He said calmly, almost too calm, as if this had happened before. "It's just the curse in your family. It'll be fine."

I thought for a second. "What??? When does it end?"

"Your mother should have told you by now." He paused. "You have to break out."

Break out? I thought. The only place I break out is on my face, and it's not a pretty sight to see.

"How?" I said quickly. I needed to know as fast as possible, for obvious reasons.

"By..." He spoke slowly. "Beating the time."

"What?" I screeched. "And whats this about a curse?!"

"Every once in a while, you, or a member of your family will have a time loop. Your ancestors were cursed in the past and it just continued, I suppose." Dave yawned.

And yet again, I was beginning my walk to school.

DARN IT TIME LOOP!!!!!!!!!

I wondered what he meant by "beat the time."

Wait.. I thought for a moment. If I made it to school in time, that should free me from the time loop! I AM A GENIUS.

After those thoughts, I booked it, I ran as fast as I possibly could, ignoring the weather.

"Come on!" I tried to motivate myself as I ran across the fields, the sidewalks, making my way to school. When I finally arrived at school, I was out of breath, but was I out of time?

I stood there for around 10 minutes, making sure time was passing by.

It was, time was fixed, my life was fixed, I had never been so happy to be in school.

But that wasn't the first time that time would mess up, and it certainly wasn't the last.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 34
Reviews: 1

Donate
Sun Nov 11, 2018 11:06 am
Sally37Z says...



That was a really good story. I was really interested and wanted to keep reading. One thing you could of done was put a plot twist in the end to make it more interesting, like “after those thoughts, I booked it, I ran as fast as I possibly could, ignoring the weather.
It was hailing hard, peace after peace, it got heavier and heavier. They were now the size of golf balls, one hit me on the back of my head and I passed out at the beginning agai.”
I did really like it.






Thank you! And yeah that ending would%u2019ve probably been better. Thanks for reviewing!



User avatar


Points: 34
Reviews: 1

Donate
Sun Nov 11, 2018 11:06 am
Sally37Z wrote a review...



That was a really good story. I was really interested and wanted to keep reading. One thing you could of done was put a plot twist in the end to make it more interesting, like “after those thoughts, I booked it, I ran as fast as I possibly could, ignoring the weather.
It was hailing hard, peace after peace, it got heavier and heavier. They were now the size of golf balls, one hit me on the back of my head and I passed out at the beginning agai.”
I did really like it.




User avatar
12 Reviews


Points: 1136
Reviews: 12

Donate
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:52 pm
bigsisfarmer wrote a review...



Hey!

I extremely like this story. I found myself laughing through this story. I also liked the foreshadowing that occured at the end. It allowed me to remember this story eiser, tugged at my imagination, and feel anticipation if another story came out.

I don't know if anyone has said this but, I wish there was a little more description. How old is she, what does she look like, and what is she wearing?

It would be beneficial to creatively add these in.

"I looked in the mirror with my ____ eyes."

"My ____ shoes became soaked with water."

"I found that my ___ T-shirt and ___ pants/shorts were still soaked."

"I fixed/brushed my ___ hair."

Just some suggestions. I hope that helped or something like that!






Yeah, description is something I have to work on ahahaha. Thank you for the kind review!



User avatar
171 Reviews


Points: 6609
Reviews: 171

Donate
Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:34 am
Shikora wrote a review...



Hi Shikora here with a review.

I really, really liked reading this story. It was very interesting. I like how you show all the frustration Leah has with this time loop. It was very funny to read, it gave me a few good laughs. I like how the story started and ended, it was very well written. If you could turn this into a long story I would read it for sure. I have a few ideas on how you can turn this into a long story book. So if you want to hear them then just let me no.

I do have one thing though i would like to point out. I do think you need a little more description in this story. I have a image in my head of what everything looks like, but I have no idea what her house looks like, or what she looks like. It's things like that you need to keep an eye on.
I'm going to tell you something I tell myself when I write a story. Sound, sight, smell and feel. These are the base things I use when writing, it help me a lot. Now you don't need to use all of them, just some.
Other then the description I couldn't see anything else wrong with it. Great story by the way. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D






Thank youuuu! If I turn it into a longer story, I%u2019ll definitely have to work on description, thanks for the tips! And sure, let%u2019s hear your ideas



Shikora says...


I'm glad I could help you out.

So my idea, is that Leah could find a way to stop this time loop. You said in the story that it runs in the family. So she could maybe find a way to go into the past and find away to stop the curs before if happens. Something along those line.
I just thought of the idea when I read your story, and I thought you would like to know. If you like it and make a story, I would love to read it.





Okay I might later :D



Shikora says...


Okay. :D





I think I might make more of a %u201Csequel%u201D for this, and base it around that plot. Thanks for the idea, I%u2019ll probably do it sometime this weekend or something. (Don%u2019t quote me on that ahahaha.)



Shikora says...


That's great to hear. I think if you write a book, I think you'll be really good at it.



User avatar
12 Reviews


Points: 297
Reviews: 12

Donate
Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:41 pm
Fantascifi66 wrote a review...



Hi!
This was so cool!
I really don't have much to say.
It was funny, it was smart and creative!
The only thing I noticed, was why did she think the neighbors would think she was crazy?
I mean, everyone shouts once in a while. At most, they would think, like "Who's that?" or
"Why most people be so loud?" or something like that. Not crazy.
But anyways, I really liked your story.
I've had ideas like this, and you wrote it so well!
Keep writing!

Fanta






Thank you for the review!! :D And I think I was going to have her say something crazier, but then I changed it and I guess I didn%u2019t change the neighbor part ahahaha



Fantascifi66 says...


Oh, ok! You're welcome!



Fantascifi66 says...


Oh, ok! You're welcome!



User avatar
22 Reviews


Points: 52
Reviews: 22

Donate
Tue Nov 06, 2018 12:07 pm
View Likes
sophies36 wrote a review...



Hi! Sophie here to review!
~
the beginning is such a good hook. it gives an explanation of the story and then boom! you're in it. one thing is, I wouldn't recommend say "this is a story..." I would use, "one day I learned the truth." "I never thought it was real until one day in mid spring." I would
recommend using the last one or a variation of the last one because it gives the setting.
~
the snowflakes. can you give more description on them or your surprise? like "this time though, white flakes began to fall from the sky. I shook my head. I have to be hallucinating. this is crazy! in the middle of spring?!" you don't have to do it like that but more descriptions would be nice.
~
When you get to the school, can you give more descriptions? where were the people around you? school is filled with kids, this makes it seem like its only you.
~
this was a really good story and I looooved reading it! good job and write on!






Thank you! And yeah, I definitely have to work on describing the setting better




The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
— Samuel Johnson