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Different

by FireSpyGirl


The world once told me I didn’t belong,

I was a freak, I was different.

I cried aloud in pain,

Tears streamed down my face,

I had no friends, I didn’t understand it,

I just knew I was different.

~~

I listened to the world and tried to fit in,

I never could quite manage it,

I would look in the mirror and see a desperate little girl.

All I wanted was to be understood, to have friends.

~~

Years have passed, hard years, full of pain and sadness,

Yet lessons have been learned.

A teenage girl stands in front of a mirror,

Her face is set, defiance is in her attitude,

She stands strong and proud.

~~

Yes, she is different.

She is strong, she is independent,

She has set herself free.

~~

She once was told she didn’t belong,

That she was a freak, alone in the world.

Years have passed and she has learned

That different is good.

~~

She followed her heart no matter what,

The world still laughed at her,

Still called her a freak, but to no avail.

~~

The world told her to move,

She said: “No, you move.”

She made her place in the world,

Because she was different.


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19 Reviews


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Tue Oct 08, 2019 6:28 pm
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...



I like some of your ideas here. They correspond well with a quote I saw once that said, "Be yourself. The world will adjust." While following one's heart can sometimes get a person into trouble rather than success as it is often made to appear, it is very freeing to realize that being yourself is important. I like how you wrote about that here. Your work emphasizes the freedom that comes with accepting one's uniqueness. Keep writing.




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Sat Dec 22, 2018 3:37 am
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Luke14 wrote a review...



I abosolutly love this poem. this.. just.. ahh! For once, i'm at a loss for words. You point out directly what the issue is, and then you make a bold stand against the world, and you take it aside, and you let 'em have it. And it was beautiful, as a witness. But even more beautiful to see the victom, take the revenge that is deserved. That is justified. "The world told her to move, She said: "No, you move." That was incredible! The world constantly convinces us that we have no place, because were different. This poem inspires, to take our place, rather then being forced into one! This was so empowering, 10/10 easily. I love your work!




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Sat Nov 10, 2018 6:14 pm
bigsisfarmer wrote a review...



I love this!

I'm not too great at poem or reviewing them for that matter, but I'll try if I can.

First, I really love the rhythm of this poem. I've come to understand that it's extremely hard so I applaud you on that.

Try using a little more consistently though. It can kinda throw off the rhythm a little bit.

"I listened to the world and tried to fit in,"

I think that you should try to add a verse on how she tried maybe? Kind of addressing the crazy expectations, and that it wasn't worth it? It's honestly up to you, I have absolutely no experience on these kind of things.

"Yes, she is different.

She is strong, she is independent,

She has set herself free."

This verse turns off the rhythm a little bit. I'm not sure how one would fix it, but I just wanted to point that out.

The rest of the poem follows a completely different rhythm which can throw the reader off.

Also you ent from first person to third and it threw my off.

Other than that, I really enjoyed and related to this poem.

I found myself in that poem, and looking back on those feeling I had during the younger parts of my life. The time in which I had few friends. It brought me back to those time where I had those insecurities, and tried my best to fit in, and please everyone. This is extremely hard to do, even in a story, so the fact that you were able to convey those feeling through a poem is impressive. I give you my two thumbs up for that!




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Sun Oct 28, 2018 11:42 pm
alliyah wrote a review...



Hi there! I thought I'd review your poem today for Review Day! Let's get started shall we?


So for interpretation - I actually interpreted it pretty much the same way as KatjaDawn - we have the main character who is struggling because they don't feel like they fit into what everyone thinks they should act; and people sort of bully her because of her difference. The conclusion is that she ends up deciding it is more important to follow her heart even if she is different and she holds her own against the world discovering value in that.

It's an important message certainly for people to learn to differentiate themselves from the crowd that surrounds them; and you capture some of the pain of learning that message.

I have two main critiques for you, that are general but I think will really bring your poetry to the next level.

1) Use more consistency
Your formatting overall was fairly consistent with punctuation, but the line-length and stanza-length varied greatly throughout the piece. This ends up making the piece look a bit sloppy on the page - which gives me as a reader less confidence in the piece, and then also really hurts the flow. I think less stanza breaks might actually make the story/narrative flow better as well. If you just break where there are significant turns in the piece, then the stanza breaks help give meaning, whereas just putting them at the end of every sentence, or randomly, doesn't give a lot for you; especially when there's already a period indicating the end of a sentence.

Another consistency thing is that this switched from having a 1st person speaker (I) to having a the subject be "she" --> this was a bit confusing for me, and I wondered if the character or perspective changed or if it was unintentional.

My other suggestion:
2) Use more specificity in the conflict and characterization
I know the girl is different, I know people dislike her for the difference. But I have no clue on any of the substantial details of the plot. Just like prose, narrative poetry connects better if the conflict, plot, and characters are clearly defined - it actually makes me as a reader more able to empathize with the character than just being given vague clues.

So I'd straightout define - what makes her different? Is it her clothes? appearance? behavior? language? and how does she really feel about it? We're not given deep specifics about any of this - and this'll really make the story come alive if you add clarity and specificity to the details. In other words, try to describe things concretely.

It is more interesting to read -> "the maple outside my room is growing" than "the tree is nice" the first example is more concrete. I wrote an article on Specificity if you want more tips on incorporating it into your poetry: Specificity in Poetry

Good luck in your future writing!!

~alliyah

Happy Review Day!




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Sat Oct 13, 2018 12:56 pm
KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hello Firerose and welcome to YWS. Katja here to review your poem!

As with all of my reviews, feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make, should you find them to be unhelpful. With that being said, onto the review!

My Interpretation

Your Poem, Different tells the story of a young girl who feels forced to conform to the world around her. She is "different" and is left to believe that this is a bad thing and that she needs to change. But, the older she gets, she learns that her difference is what makes her who she is. She no longer wants to change, to fit into the world. Instead she wants to forge a spot in the world, and does just that.

My Overall Opinion

I loved your poem, which reads more like a story to me. It is a freeverse and flows with no particular set rhythm and has no rhyme scheme. It felt more like a story because of the longer legths in the lines and the rhythm wasn't really consistent, but I still really enjoyed reading your poem. I like that it is motivating others who feel out of place to, not conform, but to forge their own way. I love the meaning and it hints to a depth of strength that isn't directly spoken which made me enjoy it all the more.

My Suggestions

1) Onto what I said about the rhythm, while poetry is malleable and can take on many different forms, it is still nice to maintain a line specific length to help keep the flow and rhythm. For example, your very last stanza felt more poetic in terms of length/rhythm whereas the second stanza felt the least poetic in terms of length and rhythm.

The number of lines in each stanza also were inconsistent and seeimingly without pattern which makes it feel chaotic and without form. Out of 7 stanzas, each line from 1 to 7 had this many lines: 6, 4, 5, 3, 4, 3, 4

Because of the lack of rhythm and consistency, it feels like a poem without form. This isn't exactly wrong but for me, as the reader, I feel it takes away from the poetic nature and meaning of your poem.

2) the last stanza uses a piece of dialogue. Again this isn't neccessarily wrong, but for me this takes away from the poety aspect of this piece.

For example, if we take away the dialogue and instead use indirect dialogue:

The world told her to move,

She said: “No, you move.”

But, she told it to move instead.


That is purely my opinion, though.

Conclusion

I enjoyed your poem very much, which holds a deep meaning of accepting one's self instead of conforming to what others want us to be. My only suggestion is to focus on rhythm and line syllables and possibly avoiding direct dialogue in poetry (none of which is technnically wrong, but for me, it takes away from the poetic aspect of a piece).

I look forward to reading more of your work soon!

Keep Writing,

-Katja




FireSpyGirl says...


Thank you!



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Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:48 am
Emmzziee wrote a review...



I like this because it shows the transition from being a desperate child who wants approval, to growing up and realising that you don't need validation from anybody; you have your own strength and you can be your own friend. It is wonderful. I like that your aim was to reach out and help others. It felt very cathartic.




FireSpyGirl says...


Thank you!!




A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.
— Paul Simon