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Eagle Times Book one Enemy Of Death Chapter Four

by EagleFly


Everyone knew what to do at that very moment.

what’s going to happen to us?” Talon Eye asked himself. Nordic was at the front of the line because he was the leader, sadly sins Talon Eye was his son he was at the front to. Talon Eyes heart was thumping as they all got ready for battle. Suddenly as the other Eagles started flying toward them, It started RAINING HARD!! But that did not stop any one at all. They all flew to the era further in to the rain, the rain seemed to be putting more presser on all of them. Talon Eye looked from back to front, of coos there were Eagles there. Then he look left to right, suddenly he sore one Eagle coming from the side toward him he was on the right and was quit close to him now. Right there and then Talon Eye did some crazy move that he came up with. He swirled violently to the Eagle with his risers smartly going for one of the other Eagle’s wings and his head. His father was watching at the corner of his eye and horrified to see this, but nobody sore what was going to happen. Sins Talon Eye’s wings were tucked in these directions the other Eagle did not see were they were pointing. So he put his wings up were his tummy was, but un fortunately for him Talon Eye’s raisers got him, at ones his head along with blood and his body went flying to the ground. Nordic and the hole of the other western Eagle’s and all of the northern Eagles got such a shock to see this happen right in front of them.

Now why did ant I think of that,” Nordic thought to himself.At win’s all of the other Eagles seemed to realise that Talon Eye was the leaders son sins he was at the front of that line with him and they were right. So instead of seeing the furry and power in Talon Eye and retreating they carried on going. As soon as they all came clattering in to one another, Talon Eye and the leader of their enemy came face to face with each other. Talon Eye had heard his father say this one’s name so he knew who he was. He seemed to read the Eagle mind, and he then backed of to think of a move that would help him to keel this leader ones and for all. The other did not see his plan at all it was all a smart trick. This chief Eagle did not have a son, he only had a stooped dome headed daughter so that did not help him, so if he died then that met that there was no leader for them at all.

“halo Norton how are you doing on this very day feel good,” Talon Eye said. Distracting Norton most perfect lee.

“I am feeling rather war ready to kill you, the son of a leader how ashamed he must feel,” Norton said. Making a sudden lunch at Talon Eye. His father notes and heard Talon Eye say these asked words.

“Really is that the best that you can do buddy,” Talon Eye said out loud. There were these swords like amour things like what he had on his wings on his tail. So he turned round fast with his tail fleered well out, Norton was going at such a speed that he did not stop fast a nove and his on wings could not save him from this shock, so he went head first toward Talon Eyes Tail and boom he fell to the floor far below him. The northern Eagles retreated fast seeing that Nordic had a very power fill son in his wings. Talon Eye did not really reels that he had won the battle until his on tribe started shouting.

“weave won!,” they all shouted louder then ever.


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151 Reviews


Points: 4918
Reviews: 151

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Fri Oct 12, 2018 5:15 am
Shikora wrote a review...



Hi Shikora here with a review to help get your work out of the green room.

What I like

This chapter was off to a great start right from the beginning, it got me hooked right away. The chapter wasn't that long but not that short, but you might want to make your chapters a bit longer.

The plot

The plot is off the a great start. Things are starting to play out really nicely. Your not moving to fast or to slowly. Just don't move to fast.

The setting

If I were you I would dwell on the setting a bit longer, but that is up to you. The setting you have right now is good, but I feel like there should be a bit more. But I guess when it comes to writing battles it's hard to about that, but if you do it will make it a lot better

The characters

I'm getting to know a lot about the characters in this story already, so I can't wait to find out more.
And find out more about these eagle that attached the village.

Mistakes

So I found a few mistakes in this chapter, but none that can't be fixed.

Talon Eyes heart was thumping as they all got ready for battle.

I think here you meant to day Talon Eye's.

Now here is another small thing.
But that did not stop any one at all.

I think this will sound better if you write it like this.
But that didn't stop them.


Here is another small mistake.
They all flew to the era further in to the rain,

I think that is meant to say area.

Here is another small thing to fix.
“Now why did ant I think of that,” Nordic thought to himself.

That can be spelt as didn't.

There are a few other spelling mistakes in there, but I'm sure over time you'll pick them up. This story is off to a great start and I can't wait to read the next chapter. Never stop writing and have a great day.

Your friend
Shikora. :D




EagleFly says...


thank you for the review it really means a lot to me. :D



Shikora says...


Your welcome. :D



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378 Reviews


Points: 1564
Reviews: 378

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Fri Oct 12, 2018 1:14 am
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Eros wrote a review...



Hey, EagleFly!!

Eros here again...I don't think this comment will be long enough to be called as a review lool.

So ..the story is going very well and I would love to see the next parts also.

Everything in this chapter is described very well...just a few little little ....tinyyy things:

“Now why did ant I think of that,”

Add a coma after Now and change 'did ant' to didn't.

“halo Norton how are you doing on this very day feel good,”

Change "Halo to Hello, and also add a few punctuations Making it to :

“Hello, Norton! How are you doing on this very day? Feeling good?"
This paragraph is awesome, actually, where the Talon Eye is distracting Norton.

"Distracting Norton most perfect lee." Of the same paragraph, the last word, "perfectly"
Then,

“Really is that the best that you can do buddy,”

Add more of the punctuations,
"Really? Is that the best that you can do, buddy?"

Hey,I must say, you have done a great job on constructing the dialogues! They seem so natural and so smooth to say out. :D
Juuuust add the exclamation marks whenever you wanna add the effect of someone is calling someone.
Like:
"Hello, Norton!" A coma is generally followed after the word "Hello". There's an alternative to using exclamation marks after Norton. You may also use another coma. But then, a coma will becime a normal, soft talking. Like we do over the phone calls..
In short, adding punctuations helps the readers to get that exact idea of everything in a way of how you want us to read it...

Last one,
"We've won!,"

It was a very beautiful chapter, I love the direction of the story and i loooove the characters too! Word choice is awesome and suits the chapter.
Would love to read more of this.

Keep writing, don't stop... Would love to keep reading and keep reviewing..
Have a great day / night!

With love,
From Eros.
:D




EagleFly says...


Thank you for the review it really helps me. :D




If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
— Anatole France