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my hearts crush

by AutumnDawn


My heart is a beat It skips its beat

as we breath

It is filled with more than anyone you shall ever know

My heart keeps me alive

but lately its been doing more Than that it’s doing

more than pumping blood To keep me going

It is a skipping and a beating it’s love beat of its own

My heart I just don’t speak its language anymore 

My heart been in the darkness I just don’t know how to bring it out 

With it in the darkness I don’t know what to do

What is love what is not I do not care

As long as I got you there is no problem non longer

I can hear the thunk of my heart beating a little bit faster

author note

- this is a poem I made for a crush of mine. I also entered in a contest and it won. 

its now in a  book/magazine


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24 Reviews


Points: 32
Reviews: 24

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Mon Oct 15, 2018 5:05 pm
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Archangel wrote a review...



That's really cool getting selected for that Autumn!

But let's get started.

You have no punctuation what so ever which make thing confusing. If you want to do that every place that there would have punctuation that separates - such as commas, semicolons, or otherwise - make a new line. I had to re-read the lines a few times to understand what you were trying to portray.

The second line talks about being filled with something more than one would ever know. That doesn't make sense. Filled with what?




AutumnDawn says...


I am talking about my hearts crush. and I am saying that my heart filled with more than anyone will ever know.
my poem lines got mixed a bit. I fixed. and with my poetry. I rarely ever use grammar. I am free verse poet. I hate grammar. mostly because I don't understand it. and it mostly because it is a pain. which is really more of a pain when I am writing my stories. but I have good friends. and really great SITE called GRAMMARLY. so yeah. and thanks for the review



Archangel says...


I use Grammarly too



AutumnDawn says...


doesn't everyone now. its kinda like god sent gift



Archangel says...


Yeah, it is.



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5 Reviews


Points: 395
Reviews: 5

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Fri Oct 12, 2018 4:09 pm
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QueerHumanBean wrote a review...



Hi, Bean here to review...

Okay, I did like this poem, but like niteowl said "I find myself confused as to whether it's supposed to be a happy love poem or a heartbreak poem. First the heart is skipping a beat and in love, but then it goes into darkness, but then "you" shows up and suddenly everything is great again. "What is love what is not I do not care" seems weirdly cynical for what feels like it's supposed to be a positive poem about a crush. " I completely agree.
This is a cheesy poem and I love it for that, so thank you for writing this.
You could develop it more, but overall 8/10, would recommend

-bean




AutumnDawn says...


thanks for the review. people keep saying that.. lol. but really its just suppose to be a cheesy love poem for a crush



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1178 Reviews


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Fri Oct 12, 2018 3:03 am
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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there AutumnDawn! Niteowl here to review.

First off, I hate to break this to you, but I'm almost certain that the website that published this piece is a poetry contest scam. I fell for something similar many years ago. These contests make money by offering a free poetry contest, accepting most or all entries, and then charging up the nose for copies of the anthology and possibly other services. These anthologies aren't sold to readers, but rather to the "winning" authors and their friends/family. I would encourage you not to fork out any money to this organization for your "author's copy".

https://winningwriters.com/the-best-free-literary-contests/contests-to-avoid -The place you submitted to seems to be connected to Poetry Press Publishing/songwritingopportunities.com

Okay, so now that that's out of the way, let's talk about the poem itself. I find myself confused as to whether it's supposed to be a happy love poem or a heartbreak poem. First the heart is skipping a beat and in love, but then it goes into darkness, but then "you" shows up and suddenly everything is great again. "What is love what is not I do not care" seems weirdly cynical for what feels like it's supposed to be a positive poem about a crush.

My heart I just don’t speak its language

anymore


This is the best part of the poem. There's a lot of potential in the idea of a heart having a language and the speaker not being able to speak that language. It suggests a disconnect between the brain and heart. Perhaps the brain doesn't want to fall for this person but the heart does anyway. The idea is definitely worth developing and could even be the focal point of a new piece.

Overall, this is an okay, if somewhat cheesy love poem, but there's some parts that feel out of place in a poem about a crush and a line I'd love to see developed further. Keep writing! :D




AutumnDawn says...


okay thanks. I write this long time ago.



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60 Reviews


Points: 7
Reviews: 60

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Thu Oct 11, 2018 8:59 pm
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Storybraniac says...



Woah! Congratulations!!!




AutumnDawn says...


thank you




Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.
— Niels Bohr