Young Writers Society

Hey there!

First off, this is a lovely poem and I absolutely adore the imagery and personification you have included. I'm a big fan of short poems because of the impact they can give with such a short amount of words. I also love the way you have styled this poem. It's aesthetically pleasing and I feel that it helped with the flow of the poem in a way, because it was easy to read while still remaining personalized and styled.

With that said, the poem itself is very good and I don't really have a lot to nitpick. For the first line, I think that you should change it from "bellies" to "belly", since we are just talking about one person here and not multiple people. For the last line, I would remove the comma because I feel that it gives an unnecessary pause, and since that last line is so impactful, I feel that there's no need for a dramatic pause in the middle of it. I feel that it reads a lot better just straight through without any pause.

Other than that, the poem is just so lovely and I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing and I hope this review helped. xx

Woah. Hello there! This was a lot within a short amount. I was expecting more, honestly, but I kind of like it short

First, in the first line, "mama said I swallowed a pumpkin seed"... I think you should capitalize "mama" to give that individual meaning. Though mentioned once, that person had an effect on the "she". Also, would "bellies" be "belly" because she is a singular individual rather than say "they".

Next, I LOVE the second stanza. The language flowed beautifully and gave me shivers (which is really hard to do, FYI). I think you should have a comma instead of the dash. The comma extends the sentence and flow; the dash continues a thought. I think either a semi-colon or a dash should go after laughter, though, because while describing the same being with a different topic, it doesn't exactly feel part of the first description. I hope that made sense.

The last sentence was so powerful and I loved the introduction in the previous sentence with the allusion to hieroglyphs and the use of "virgin sinner" was a genius play on words!!

Love it! Keep writing!

Louisiana