z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

My Diary - Young Sufragette

by carlak2003


Short Story

January 11, 1912

Dear diary

Today is the day I help us women get equal rights. My mother does not approve. I don’t know how many times I have told her I am a grown up, still she doesn’t listen. I have joined the local suffragette group; however, I don’t want any violence. I think all women should have the same education and opportunities as men. I daren’t ask father his opinion, as he will just shout at me for no reason. Ever since mother lost her job father has been staying up late and going to work very early in the morning.

January 17, 1912

Dear diary

Oh no, mother has been taken away by policemen this morning. When father came home from work he told me to boil some potatoes for dinner, he didn’t mention anything about mother. I found this strange as when mother is either out doing some shopping or getting my little sister from our auntie’s and father comes in from work, he always asks where she is. I thought mother would be back by now and this was all some mistake, however she wasn’t. that night I couldn’t sleep so I creeped into my parents’ room, to find father not there, I looked at the clock, it read 12.3o. I went downstairs to find father holding mother’s shawl that I knitted her when I was at our neighbour’s house.

January 20, 1913

Dear diary

It has been three days since mother was taken away, surely, she would be home by now I thought. I asked father if he knew where she was, he said that I should not know until later, so I kept on pestering him until he eventually gave in and told me. She was at the big building at the end of town. I asked him if he had been to see her yet, he said he hasn’t had the time. I asked if I could go and see her, but as usual he said that I was too young and it’s not a place for young children like me.

January 22, 1913

Dear diary

I have decided to go and visit mother, no matter what father says. When I got there, the man at the main area asked who I was, so I said my name and I would like to see my mother Rose Green. The man gave me a sour look, then led me down a long corridor full of doors leading to rooms where criminals spent their time given stayed. The doors have little square things which you could open and close. As we got near the end he pointed at one and unlocked it. Inside was mother looking very tired and miserable. When she saw me, her eyes lit up like the stars in the night sky. I asked her why she was here however she would not answer. Instead I told her about my latest suffragette meeting. By the look on her face she didn’t seem to care at all. When the man came and said it was time up I asked him why my mother was there, he said she had committed a sin against God, I asked him what he meant by that and he said whilst mother was cleaning on of the upper-class houses at the end of town she stole some things from them. I asked what she stole, and he said some food.

January 29, 1913

Dear diary

Today is the day when mother’s fate is decided. I dressed up in my finest clothes to go to court to see what would happen to her. When I got there the man at the door said I looked too young to be there, and I said that I was 18 years of age, which was lying as I am 16. When I managed to sit down in the room above the judges I wondered when mother would be. Mother was the first to be called up to the stand. The judge went through all this stuff about the law and government. Then he said out of the blue “Rose Green, I sentence you to 12 months in prison”. I rushed out of the building nearly crying, I had to be a grown up about this. I knew mother wouldn’t be there to help with any of my problems, so I had to deal with them all on my own now, as father was away at work all the time, trying to earn us money for food. I now must get a job and help father earn money for us.

February 03, 1913

Dear diary

I have finally found a job after five days trying, going around all the houses asking if they needed a babysitter or any washing, cleaned or ironed. I finally found one at the end of town, helping a women in a wheelchair clean her house. It was little pay; however, it would help us have food whilst father’s money paid most of the bills. My little sister would have to go to our aunties for the majority of the week, but she liked it because she had someone to play with.

December 25, 1913

Dear diary

It’s Christmas today however it is not the same as mother is not here. Father said he sent her a new hairbrush. I got a packet of crystallized sweets and a hair kit. I got father a new comb and my little sister a new doll. For Christmas dinner we had some chicken and potatoes.

January 28, 1913

Dear diary

It's only a day until mother comes home and I am so excited. I have decided to throw a little welcome back party however father disagrees with it as mother got sent to prison not came back from a holiday or something like that.

January 29, 1913

Dear diary

Yay, mother is home, it has a been a long while since she was in the house and in her own clothes. I baked her favourite cake Victoria sponge. I hope she likes it as I spent all my money from work on ingredients and decorations for her coming back. Father is as not as happy as me, I don't understand why, is it because he feels ashamed of mother or it he just hiding his feelings.

June 8, 1913

Dear diary

I've heard on the radio that one of our main suffragette's has died. Emily Davison was killed by the King's horse. I was saddened at this news as I looked up to Emily as a role model for women. I tried to speak to mother about this however she doesn't really talk since she came back from prison.

                                                                          THE END


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77 Reviews


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Fri Oct 05, 2018 2:22 am
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SofieR wrote a review...



Hey Carlak2003! Sofie here with a review.

Firstly, I really adore the choice of writing this in the diary format. I think it's a really cool way to get inside the character's mind, and helps make history relatable to younger readers. I feel like history teachers would really appreciate this piece.
If I had any criticism it might be to add a little bit more detail to the entries because as of now they feel a bit brief/rushed. I would also agree with the reviews down below that maybe instead of jumping between three different plot points (suffrage, mother in prison, strained relationship with parents) you could just double down on the suffrage element and make it a more historical piece. Once again, just a suggestion, don't feel any pressure to follow them. As is, this is a pretty good piece, keep up the good work!

- Sofie




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Wed Sep 19, 2018 3:46 pm
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Jeni31 wrote a review...



Hi!

I love that you wrote this in a diary format. It's unique and shows intimate little snippets of the character's mind and heart.


So I have a few thoughts and I'll get right into them.

In the first entry, you wrote: "I don’t know how many times I have told her I am a grown up,"
I personally think the term "grown woman" would fit better in this instance. The character kind of contradicts themselves there. Often telling someone that you're a grown-up doesn't exactly sound very grown up. The way I see it, being a grown woman means you've reached a certain age and should start to be seen as someone capable of making your own decisions. However, being a grown up is something you achieve through growth and experience. It's something other people see in you, not something they hear you call yourself.
/gets off her soapbox This got a whole lot longer than expected, forgive me :P

tl;dr "I am a grown woman" seems like a better fit in this instance.


The entries are so very brief and detached. It's hard to sympathize with the writer of the entries because it feels like she hardly cares herself. It's just facts. This happened and then this and this and that. It's hard to get a clear picture of what's happening with the character, how she's coping with everything.

The diary entries are great, but if you're planning on writing more like this, maybe try lengthening the entries and including fewer of them. Spend more time on each entry. There are few and far between so the character will have a lot of build up over that time. The character is going through a lot: wanting to be involved in the suffrage movement, mother being arrested, father being distant, having to take on the responsibility of caring for the house and family. I think there's a lot there that the character can talk and vent about. Maybe pick one of these as the main plot line, focus on that one, and weave the others into it.

Spend some time with this character, get to know her. A diary is a personal thing, and you have the chance to show us a really vulnerable side of your character. I hope you're planning on writing more and I look forward to reading it!




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Tue Sep 18, 2018 8:08 pm
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Lavvie wrote a review...



Hello there!

I was drawn to this piece because the diary format always makes me think about the Dear America or Dear Canada books that I loved so much as a little girl - it made history fun and relatable. I feel like you have tried to achieve this, because you've incorporated some key historical points - particularly women's suffrage.

What I am most confused about though is that while this is in diary format, it's obviously a lot shorter than the entire fictional diaries that people get published. For this reason, you don't really have a lot of time to bring in a lot of different things into play, because it suffocates the piece and sort of confuses the reader. For example, in this story, you bring up three potential plot points:

1) Women's suffrage
2) A strained relationship between father and mother
3) Mother is in prison for stealing

It's really difficult for the reader to decide which one to focus on, and for a time it feels like maybe the mother-in-prison is the one you've settled on. However, when mother comes home, father is obviously not talking to her which speaks to some sort of unsettlement. And then women's suffrage is brought up again - which makes me feel like only one of our three plots are resolved in some way (mother-in-prison). The other two seem to teeter on the verge of something - there's not enough there for the reader to witness some sort of resolution, and yet there's too much there for the reader to ignore it.

Because of the brevity of your story, I might encourage you to focus on one plot point. That's not to say you can't weave in a narrative of women's suffrage or a strained father-mother relationship. Ask yourself: perhaps mother stealing is actually just a reaction to the strained relationship she has with her husband? Is she stealing because she is stressed about her daughter's activism? You could consider mother stealing as representative of these other stressors going on in life.

Aside from that, I love historical fiction and I hope you have time to revise this :)

All the best,
Lavvie




carlak2003 says...


Thanks I will take that into consideration
I was doing this story as a short story for my essay in my English class
ss




Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.
— Robert Brault