Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy


The Lost Dragon 5.1

by soundofmind


Chapter Five Part 1: But I Don't Want to Fight You

A hand reached out and grabbed her arm with a firm grip. She could feel the shock in her shoulder as she lost all sense of footing and support beneath her.

It was Matt.

She reached up to grab his other hand with a grunt as he pulled her up. The dust was beginning to settle and she could see the figures of the goblins collecting around them. While Matt brought her up onto solid ground, she noticed he was paying attention to the goblins behind them. They had weapons drawn; they held spears, swords, and axes, but none of them looked eager to jump in and attack. They watched with a sort of hesitance she didn't expect from goblins, who she'd only ever seen in combat when interacting with humans.

Matt tried to help pull her up into a stand, but she couldn't manage it. She flopped onto the ground, half-catching herself with a frustrated mutter under her breath.

"Stupid worm."

The goblin chief then yelled something that urged the goblins forward, charging at them.

"Wait!" Matt yelled. "If we could just-"

The she-goblin lunged at him with a sword, though fear marked her face. Clandestine grabbed for her sword, trying to will her exhausted limbs to move faster. It wasn't working. She heard a grunt from Matt and looked up. He'd ducked the swipe of the sword and suddenly was on the other side of her, which probably wasn't the best move. Because he was surrounded, and the only mostly-able-bodied of the two of them who could fight. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest and the sweat and dust like a layer of anxiety on her skin. The heat from the fire, though no longer flying at them, filled the air. She had to get moving.

A goblin broke from the ring around Matt, hurrying over to her. It was a smaller female one, and she only had a little spear. Clandestine swiveled around, finally drawing her sword at her side, and lifted it up to meet the little one's spear. But she drew back with a yelp and looked scared when she dodged Clandestine's sword.

Clandestine didn't know what to do with that. She growled as she pushed herself up onto her knees with great effort, and faced the small goblin, who was shorter than her, even when she was sitting. She pointed her sword at her as she took in deep, heavy breaths.

Magic takes too much out of me.

The small goblin was trying to explain something in goblin. Clandestine couldn't understand it.

I should've done something else. Not that she could think of what that something else could've been.

The goblin began to approach her again, this time walking around the sword and reaching for Clandestine's hand. She then sped off and started to try and pull Clandestine away from the fight. Clandestine ripped her hand away and looked back over to Matt with worry as she set her sword into the ground and used it as leverage to pull herself up. It felt like it took all of her energy just to get to her feet, and if she took a step forward, her legs would collapse any moment. But in the few seconds, she did get to her feet - she saw Matt moving with a speed and agility she'd only gotten a glimpse of back in the bar. The awkward and hesitant advanced of the goblins were slow, and Matt was quick to avoid and evade as he easily jumped around them. It was... almost entertaining, but she was beginning to worry at how long Matt would be able to manage it but was also worrying about the goblins. They almost looked... inexperienced. Like they'd never been in a real fight before.

And that was when she felt something run into her legs, immediately throwing her off balance and sending her immediately to the ground with an "Oomph!"

Turned out the little goblin was persistent and began grabbing her feet and dragging her away.

"What?! No! No!" She swung her sword weakly at the little goblin, but her arms felt like useless noodles. Her aim was very poor. "Let me go, you little bug!" She tried to kick, but her legs weren't cooperating. Her kicks were more like nudges. She let out a loud, frustrated groan.

"Fight us!" she heard the goblin chief say.

"You said you didn't want violence!" She heard Matt retort.

"You chose violence when you came here!"

Clandestine pulled a knife out of her boot and staked it in the ground. That got the dragging to stop, but she was only farther away from the fight, and her body was still obnoxiously spent. She looked up at Matt again. He had yet to make a move against them but that was when they were more scattered and confused. Now they were all six closing in on him. She growled again, this time attempting to push herself up in one final push, mustering up all her strength. She could hear the insistent protests of the little goblin behind her, but before the goblin could follow, she stumbled forward into a clumsy run, that felt more like a constant fall, just one wrong step from wiping out. She reared up her sword as she hurried over to help him, but then she felt a sharp pain in her leg just before she could slash away at a goblin.

As she fell again, looked over to see the offending party. It was the little goblin. The little she-goblin who'd just stabbed her. "You little-!" she yelled as she reached out to grab the grinning goblin, only to be interrupted by a large goblin landing on the ground right beside her. She wasted no time in jumping on him and slashing his arm with her dagger. He let out a pained cry that startled her, and he started crawling away. She looked back over to Matt.

Two more goblins were on the ground in pain and Matt was backing further away with the goblin chief towards the fire. Matt didn't look so good either. It looked like his arm was bleeding through his sleeve again, among the other bloody spots from all of the teeth from the giant worm. But she didn't have many moments to look at him because the one remaining goblin in their feet was hurrying towards her. She didn't know where the little she-goblin went, but apparently, she was no longer obsessed with her.

She couldn't stand up, and she'd given up on her sword. The goblin was coming fast with a spear, so she pulled her gun. The goblin slowed down, staring down the barrel with wide eyes. Then they both heard a cry of pain. The moment the goblin glanced back to see who it came from Clandestine shot him in the knee. He went tumbling to the ground, tears immediately coming to his eyes as he yelled in pain. Clandestine winced. Pity was not lost on her, but she was quickly distracted when she saw Matt on the ground as well, with the chief running up to him with a fireball in his hand. Matt rolled out of the way with a pained cry and propelled himself at the old goblin, pinning him to the ground. Then he put his arm around the chief's neck and started choking him out.

For a few seconds, all she could hear was the chief's weak gasps for breath until Matt finally let go, letting the chief fall to the ground, rasping. He stood up, and at that moment she realized where the first cry had come from. It had to have been Matt.

Half of his shirt was scorched by fire, and she could already tell that the burn was starting to blister. A hand went over her mouth.

"Leave," Matt said, standing over the chief's and clearly trying to project his voice to all of the groaning goblins sprawled out on the ground. "You leave, or I will kill you all. Starting with your chief."

There was little in way of a response as several of the goblins tried to scramble to their feet, some more injured than others.

"Now!" Matt shouted.

The goblins tried their best to hurry. But it was then that she saw the little she-goblin by the fire, making it dance like she saw them do before that had summoned the big worm. For a moment her heart sank, and dread washed over her at the thought of having to face the giant worm again, but when the ground shook, it was a bunch of little worms that burrowed to the surface, and they all came up to the goblins.

The little she-goblin hurried over to her chief and dragged him over to one of the worms, throwing him over what she could only define as the worms' "back." The others seemed to be doing the same, grabbing onto the worms, who then dove partially into the ground and dragged the injured goblins out towards the entrance she and Matt had peeked in through. Clandestine and Matt watched in silence as the goblins slowly disappeared into the dim light of the tunnel, and when they were out of sight, Matt hurried over to her.

Clandestine slowly put her gun back in her holster and looked up at Matt. He was staring at the knife in her leg, and she was staring at his burnt flesh. The smell was unpleasant, even from a small distance. But it was at that moment it dawned on her: he'd seen her use magic. In her panic, she'd used it and completely forgotten she had a partner with her who didn't know about it, and she didn't even know how he felt about mages. Sure, it'd saved them from the jaws of a giant sand worm, but he'd seen her use magic. She didn't know if he'd comment on it, but she didn't want to hear it, and she wasn't going to bring it up. If he was going to turn her in... she could deal with that later.

She looked up at him with a strained smile and laughed weakly.

"I don't suppose you could've asked them for directions on the way out before they left, huh?"

--

Human is a stupid word when used to define the standards of what makes a person a person.

Humanity is just as susceptible to corruption and immorality as any other race, and if I were bold I would say humanity is the lesser race. We, as a people, have dehumanized every other existing person on the basis that they are less like us. Even our terminology is flawed. Dehumanization is the word we use - the word I use - only for lack of a better one, but its flaw lies in the root of the word. DeHUMANization - to again, set the ideal standards for what makes a person a person as a human is an insult to every other intelligent race.

Humans are not more capable of compassion, making informed decisions, and creating a bright and beautiful culture than harpies, or werewolves, or ogres, or goblins. We have only deceived ourselves, in the midst of great tragedy, that those who are not like us are not for us.

Perhaps the reality is that they are not against us as we so perceive, but they are afraid because we have made them to be. Maybe, to the rest of the non-human world, we are the oppressors, and the enemies, and the ones to be feared. Who else asserts themselves with such reckless entitlement? Who else so vehemently assumes their superiority simply because they perceive themselves to have more personhood and others to appear more animalistic? Who else jumps to such vile conclusions based solely on appearance, and lack of understanding?

Have we become so blind that we categorize people with emotions, and families, and communities, as monsters because they intimidate us? Because we are too proud to admit that another race might, in some ways be superior to us?

There is no greater enemy than us humans. And I speak - or write - as one myself.

Our imperialism - and even more so, our insistent rejection of all things magic - sets us apart from the rest of the world. I would know. Because even though we have convinced ourselves that our greatest enemies are the "monsters" who trespass into our borders (though we often trespass into theirs and never consider it wrong - hypocrisy) the greatest threat to humanity is humanity itself.

Which makes it all the more imperative that those who exercise authority over our own kind are not so blind as to believe otherwise.

But unfortunately, apart from one, they are.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
291 Reviews


Points: 29025
Reviews: 291

Donate
Tue Jun 30, 2020 2:14 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Beginning chapter 5.

First Impression: That was a really interesting display by Matt. Looks like we met the actual "Matt" for a second. And the fight scenes were pretty darn good. The pacing works really well and so many potential hints were dropped. This is getting really exciting.

The she-goblin lunged at him with a sword, though fear marked her face. Clandestine grabbed for her sword, trying to will her exhausted limbs to move faster. It wasn't working. She heard a grunt from Matt and looked up. He'd ducked the swipe of the sword and suddenly was on the other side of her, which probably wasn't the best move. Because he was surrounded, and the only mostly-able-bodied of the two of them who could fight. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest and the sweat and dust like a layer of anxiety on her skin. The heat from the fire, though no longer flying at them, filled the air. She had to get moving.


Now I love how this fatigue that she has is never forgotten throughout the fight. You make to sure to always keep it in mind which is great writing.

The awkward and hesitant advanced of the goblins were slow, and Matt was quick to avoid and evade as he easily jumped around them. It was... almost entertaining, but she was beginning to worry at how long Matt would be able to manage it but was also worrying about the goblins. They almost looked... inexperienced. Like they'd never been in a real fight before.


Two very important revelations in that chapter I think.

She couldn't stand up, and she'd given up on her sword. The goblin was coming fast with a spear, so she pulled her gun. The goblin slowed down, staring down the barrel with wide eyes. Then they both heard a cry of pain. The moment the goblin glanced back to see who it came from Clandestine shot him in the knee. He went tumbling to the ground, tears immediately coming to his eyes as he yelled in pain. Clandestine winced. Pity was not lost on her, but she was quickly distracted when she saw Matt on the ground as well, with the chief running up to him with a fireball in his hand. Matt rolled out of the way with a pained cry and propelled himself at the old goblin, pinning him to the ground. Then he put his arm around the chief's neck and started choking him out.


Interesting that she did not go for the kill there. Either she is actually considerate or the weird behavior of these goblins made her reconsider her usual stance on killing goblins. And we see that Matt is definitely sticking to his ideals of considering the goblins as people.

She didn't know if he'd comment on it, but she didn't want to hear it, and she wasn't going to bring it up. If he was going to turn her in... she could deal with that later.


Our first proper hint on exactly what sort of way magic users are treated. Very interesting.

But unfortunately, apart from one, they are.


Extremely interesting statement that is definitely going down in my theory related notes. I have some very good suspicions on who this one is.

And that's it for this one. I will most likely get to around two more.

Overall: Some amazing additions to the plot in this chapter. The complexity is finally starting to grow and it is sounding pretty good. And we get a better look at Matt's abilities. He doesn't seem to be your average cowboy, that's for sure.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
544 Reviews


Points: 1455
Reviews: 544

Donate
Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:36 pm
View Likes
Magebird wrote a review...



Now that Clanny's probably had some time to process what the heck just happened, I'm down for some fun angst. <3

Small Comments

Chapter Five Part 1: But I Don't Want to Fight You


Perfect. We've only got the chapter title so far and there's already implied angst.

They had weapons drawn; they held spears, swords, and axes, but none of them looked eager to jump in and attack. They watched with a sort of hesitance she didn't expect from goblins, who she'd only ever seen in combat when interacting with humans.


I wonder if this is because they're scared of her magic and what it could do with the worm, or if it's because they just don't like fighting in general. While the first option is the one that's typically used in scenes like this, something about your goblins is telling me that it's more of the second one. Which I love, because I love how nontraditional your goblins are!

Magic takes too much out of me.

The small goblin was trying to explain something in goblin. Clandestine couldn't understand it.

I should've done something else. Not that she could think of what that something else could've been.


Yeeees, consequences for using magic! It's one of my favorite worldbuilding mechanics out there, even though I'm guessing it's something that someone who uses it more frequently would be less affected by.

But in the few seconds, she did get to her feet - she saw Matt moving with a speed and agility she'd only gotten a glimpse of back in the bar. The awkward and hesitant advanced of the goblins were slow, and Matt was quick to avoid and evade as he easily jumped around them.


Seeing Matt fight is a blessing! Besides me loving when Matt is capable and shows off his fighting prowess, this part is great because it further tears away at the mask Matt has put up. By this point regular readers would have been able to piece together that he's not who he appears to be, but this is one of the few opportunities for them to see what he's like behind the mask.

It was... almost entertaining, but she was beginning to worry at how long Matt would be able to manage it but was also worrying about the goblins. They almost looked... inexperienced. Like they'd never been in a real fight before.


Clanny's such a sweetheart. <3 It's really sweet seeing her worry about the goblins too, even though they're attacking her and Matt right now.

Two more goblins were on the ground in pain and Matt was backing further away with the goblin chief towards the fire. Matt didn't look so good either. It looked like his arm was bleeding through his sleeve again, among the other bloody spots from all of the teeth from the giant worm.


Clanny: just got stabbed by a little goblin.
Matt: took out two goblins in the same amount of time.

I know it's probably because she's tired after using her magic, but it's hilarious seeing Matt being so epic in battle when Clanny was worrying about him being inexperienced at the beginning of the novel. If there wasn't so much going on, I think she'd be pretty in awe of him.

For a few seconds, all she could hear was the chief's weak gasps for breath until Matt finally let go, letting the chief fall to the ground, rasping. He stood up, and at that moment she realized where the first cry had come from. It had to have been Matt.

Half of his shirt was scorched by fire, and she could already tell that the burn was starting to blister. A hand went over her mouth.


Now there's that angst I was waiting for! If this was from Matt's perspective, something tells me he'd just add this to the list of horrible things that happened in the past twenty-four hours and move on with his life, but Clanny's totally going to angst over this part. It'll be so much fun when they finally sit down and have a conversation about her magic!

"Leave," Matt said, standing over the chief's and clearly trying to project his voice to all of the groaning goblins sprawled out on the ground. "You leave, or I will kill you all. Starting with your chief."

There was little in way of a response as several of the goblins tried to scramble to their feet, some more injured than others.

"Now!" Matt shouted.


It's hard to tell if Matt would actually go through with his threat or not. I know he can get desperate sometimes, but he's also a smart dude. I think he realized they'd run away if he showed off how powerful he was, and knew it was their best way to finish this conflict off - which is even more impressive than his fighting skills.

God, I just love Matt. <3

But it was at that moment it dawned on her: he'd seen her use magic. In her panic, she'd used it and completely forgotten she had a partner with her who didn't know about it, and she didn't even know how he felt about mages. Sure, it'd saved them from the jaws of a giant sand worm, but he'd seen her use magic. She didn't know if he'd comment on it, but she didn't want to hear it, and she wasn't going to bring it up. If he was going to turn her in... she could deal with that later.


Give me some more of that sweet, sweet angst. <3

She looked up at him with a strained smile and laughed weakly.

"I don't suppose you could've asked them for directions on the way out before they left, huh?"


This is such a Clanny response to what just happened, and it's definitely going to make for an interesting next chapter!

Human is a stupid word when used to define the standards of what makes a person a person.


You're not wrong there, buddy. :)

Humans are not more capable of compassion, making informed decisions, and creating a bright and beautiful culture than harpies, or werewolves, or ogres, or goblins. We have only deceived ourselves, in the midst of great tragedy, that those who are not like us are not for us.


I love him.

There is no greater enemy than us humans. And I speak - or write - as one myself.


Look what you did to me, sound. Now I want to hug him again. :P

Our imperialism - and even more so, our insistent rejection of all things magic - sets us apart from the rest of the world.


God, I wish I could show Clanny this! She'd be so happy if she could read it. <3

[i]Which makes it all the more imperative that those who exercise authority over our own kind are not so blind as to believe otherwise.

But unfortunately, apart from one, they are.[i]


#MysteriousWriterGuyITotallyDon'tKnowTheIdentityOfForPresident2020

Overall Comments

Another great chapter! You had some of my favorite things in it - angst, Matt being epic, a fight scene, more angst and even a nice surprise excerpt from a thing I totally don't know anything about. :P This chapter was one of your strongest yet, so I don't really have any critiques for you. I'm just really, really excited to see how Matt and Clanny handle what just happened, and to see Clanny internalize more of that angst. <3

Image




soundofmind says...


ASHGlfhkjdlskjafh YOUR REVIEWS ARE SO MUCH POSITIVE ENERGY HECKIN BLESS U



User avatar
254 Reviews


Points: 9214
Reviews: 254

Donate
Sun Dec 30, 2018 2:54 am
View Likes
Omnom wrote a review...



Ayyyyyy let’s do this!

ACTION TIME? ACTION TIME! Honestly I like how everyone is either apprehensive about this fight or just doesn’t want to do it. It seems like the goblins really don’t want to fight humans in general, but are being forced to by Clandestine’s show of force with her magic. I know James doesn’t want to fight either because he views goblins as equal to humans. Clandestine, well, pretty obvious she’s in no position to fight right now.

This is all confusing right now. In a good way! I’m sure Clandestine is confused right now, and I’m really feeling that from her.

So, oof that battle scene. And yay action! I’m happy that you gave me some action, and boy did you deliver. I wouldn’t say that the action itself was the best I’ve seen, since there were a lot of distractions going on that muddled from the battle itself, but it didn’t distract from it honestly. It just felt like the action got a bit of ADD, but when it’s being told from Clandestine’s perspective, I’m not surprised. And, now we got to see a taste of the real James come out here. He’s ruthless, even though he doesn’t want to hurt the goblins. And we got to see a taste of Clandestine’s true power. It seems like they both have a lot to talk to each other about that they’re probably not going to say anything regarding. I honestly don’t have many critiques or comments about this part. It’s just good!

The last part is interesting, and it raises a point: what is humanity? In our world right now, what sets us apart from all other animals in the world? That answer would quickly become sentience, which isn’t a clearly defined idea, but it has enough of a concept that it clearly separates us from the animals around us. But, every day, we find out how more and more animals are similar to us in a lot of different ways that inch them ever closer to sentience. However, when there are other species of animals clearly sentient in this world, then what makes gives them humanity? Is it being human? Is it compassion? Is it indecision, or faultiness, or doubt? Or maybe it’s just something like cleanliness, Idk. YOU’VE HIT ME WITH SUCH A GOOD CHAPTER NOW I HAVE TO QUESTION EVERYTHING FOR A WHILE THANKS

Can’t wait to read more :D




soundofmind says...


I like how everyone is either apprehensive about this fight or just doesn%u2019t want to do it.

Perfect. YeS. THIS IS JUST WHAT I WANTED.

I'm glad you found this part interesting!! The action in this part was really challenging for me to write and I'm sure I'll need to go back and clean it up even though it's supposed to feel chaotic and confusing. A lot's going on but that doesn't mean the reader has to be like "WhA ... ?? ?? ?" the whole time :,)

ALSO GLAD U LIKED THE THOUGHTS AT THE END. Yes. Hmm. Very thoughtful, mystery voice. Deep.



Omnom says...


So there's a balance when it comes to chaotic action scenes. It's like shaky cam action scenes in movies, y'know? Like, some of it can induce "oh gosh action very intense much wow" but too much and you're like "ummm i cant understand a thing" and that's the same with action scenes in writing. I think you might have, like, went a bit too much into the too confusing area, but it's manageable so i dont mind that much XD



User avatar
1125 Reviews


Points: 53410
Reviews: 1125

Donate
Sun Sep 16, 2018 10:44 am
View Likes
StellaThomas wrote a review...



Hiya sound! Okay, so having read the last chapter, this one makes way more sense like oh my goodness xD

Just a couple of nitpicks:

It was a smaller female one, and she only had a little spear. Clandestine swiveled around, finally drawing her sword at her side, and lifted it up to meet the little one's spear. But she drew back with a yelp and looked scared when she dodged Clandestine's sword.


I just feel like the word 'little' is too endearing, it's used a few times here and it just made me smile and think of the goblin as like a young kid. Which I don't know if that's what you're going for. And I thought it both times I read it, so I figured that that was worth saying.

The other thing is that I was surprised that the goblin grabbed her by the hand, again it seemed like too affectionate a way to grab your enemy! By the arm or the wrist seemed more natural, and once she takes her by the feet it really began to make sense. But hands are slippery by nature and have lots of fingers for them to try and wriggle their way out of your grasp. So I just didn't think it was the best shout on the goblin's part!

And the other other thing... when Clandestine pulled out her gun I just thought, um... why has she not done that already? Now, that's not to say you can't have a sword fight but the gun was a big game changer and especially given that Matt is literally a cowboy, I don't understand why guns didn't come into play in the first place. This is Next Draft's Problem, but consider why you want a sword fight and not a gun fight and then consider how. Do they go through a lake on their way there, is the powder wet (lol I know nothing about guns)? Is she saving her bullets? Can they not use them underground (I gotta say theoretically that seems like a bad idea, but as I say, I know nothing about guns). I don't know. It doesn't matter how you want to explain it away, but just that you're going to need to do so.

Other than that, this chapter ran very smoothly for something so full of action, I loved the wry last line of dialogue, and in general it just fits in so well with your vibe. And it was good to see our duo engaging in some swashbuckling as it's been a while!

I also loved the last italicised section. Like, a LOT. Is it Matt's diary?? Is it something else? So intrigued!

Onto the next part!

- Stella x




soundofmind says...


STELLA !!!!!! <3 lol I'm glad the chapter makes more sense chronologically haha

AND HMM. As far as the word little goes, I guess I'm not sure. I really only meant that the goblin was significantly smaller in size, not that they were necessarily younger. Goblins grow to many different sizes so even ones that are full grown adults can be like, human-size or child-sized. Don't ask me to uh, explain the genetics behind that because I can't lol. So idk, maybe just... small would work better as a descriptor? Idk, little kind of just felt nicer in my brain and small felt too boring. I do kind of like that it almost sounds endearing lol but I guess you're right that from Clandestine it's probably not the best vibe to give off since the are, after all, fighting.

As for the little goblin's reasoning for her actions, that's something I was having trouble communicating - largely because, from Clandestine's perspective, it doesn't make sense either! But I guess uh, if you're curious as to what the little she-goblin was trying to do here's a little explanation?
Spoiler! :
Okay so. The goblin saw Clandestine use magic. Even though goblins freely use magic, even goblins are aware that humans dont, and that it is outlawed. So the little she-goblin assumes that Clandestine must be a mage in hiding (who might've just outed herself out of fear and a misunderstanding)! So as a fellow mage, at first, she wants to try to extend a helping hand and be like "hey, sorry I didn't know you were a mage, are we chill?" Basically lol. But obviously, there's a language barrier, and the she-goblin, still in the spirit of trying to help her, decides if she can't communicate with Clandestine the next best thing she can do is at least get Clandestine away from the fight so Clandestine doesn't get hurt. Obviously, on Clandestine's end, it's not perceived this way. And even though it's with the intentions of keeping Clandestine from harm, the effect is two-fold in that it also keeps Clandestine from helping Matt defend himself, therefore increasing the goblins' odds of winning.

This is all something I wished I could've explained in the story but since it's from Clandestine's pov I was really limited to how she perceived it? So Clandestine's just like "what??? are you doing??? why?? aren't you fighting???"


AS FOR THE UH,,,, GUN THING. OOF, yeah well. I want to say that was intentional, and it was partly, but not really for reasons that would make sense practically in a fight? Basically:
    1. I didn't want them to give any killing blows to the goblins because Clandestine is conflicted - one, the goblins seem scared and because of the previous conversation, much more "human," so she doesn't know if she wants to kill them
    2. Matt isn't trying to kill them either. Just defend himself, and get them to stop fighting. So he has no reason (in his mind) to pull his gun.
But I do get that guns can end the fight really quickly. Like, yes?? Clandestine has limited bullets, and she's more accustomed to using her sword when facing monsters (usually because bullets don't always do much, especially for larger ones). So now I'm wondering if she should pull the gun earlier? Though I wonder since, she doesn't have the intention to kill, if she gives a few non-fatal shots to some of them, they'd probably run off just like they do at the end. But that's like, if her aim is true, and in her current state of having floppy, not-super-trustworthy limbs... does she really want to waste a bullet betting on those odds? Lol idk. YOU HAVE A POINT. NOW I'M JUST RAMBLING TrYING TO FIGURE IT OUT. I could probably explain it best with that last point I think. Clandestine's not the best or quickest shot in the west, so if she doesn't think she can make the shot with like, 90% accuracy, she's not gonna waste it. But I think closer to the end she just gets desperate and that ovverides that, but also the target is closer so. That helps.

AND UH. LASTLY (sorry this reply is so long lol) I'M SO SO GLAD U LIKED THE ITALICS SECTION!!!!!!! I WAS REALLY HAPPY WITH HOW IT TURNED OUT TOO!! AND I'm excited for when it's revealed who all the italicized bits are from. ashkjshlfkj

THANkS SO SO MUCH <3



soundofmind says...


STELLA !!!!!! <3 lol I'm glad the chapter makes more sense chronologically haha

AND HMM. As far as the word little goes, I guess I'm not sure. I really only meant that the goblin was significantly smaller in size, not that they were necessarily younger. Goblins grow to many different sizes so even ones that are full grown adults can be like, human-size or child-sized. Don't ask me to uh, explain the genetics behind that because I can't lol. So idk, maybe just... small would work better as a descriptor? Idk, little kind of just felt nicer in my brain and small felt too boring. I do kind of like that it almost sounds endearing lol but I guess you're right that from Clandestine it's probably not the best vibe to give off since the are, after all, fighting.

As for the little goblin's reasoning for her actions, that's something I was having trouble communicating - largely because, from Clandestine's perspective, it doesn't make sense either! But I guess uh, if you're curious as to what the little she-goblin was trying to do here's a little explanation?
Spoiler! :
Okay so. The goblin saw Clandestine use magic. Even though goblins freely use magic, even goblins are aware that humans dont, and that it is outlawed. So the little she-goblin assumes that Clandestine must be a mage in hiding (who might've just outed herself out of fear and a misunderstanding)! So as a fellow mage, at first, she wants to try to extend a helping hand and be like "hey, sorry I didn't know you were a mage, are we chill?" Basically lol. But obviously, there's a language barrier, and the she-goblin, still in the spirit of trying to help her, decides if she can't communicate with Clandestine the next best thing she can do is at least get Clandestine away from the fight so Clandestine doesn't get hurt. Obviously, on Clandestine's end, it's not perceived this way. And even though it's with the intentions of keeping Clandestine from harm, the effect is two-fold in that it also keeps Clandestine from helping Matt defend himself, therefore increasing the goblins' odds of winning.

This is all something I wished I could've explained in the story but since it's from Clandestine's pov I was really limited to how she perceived it? So Clandestine's just like "what??? are you doing??? why?? aren't you fighting???"


AS FOR THE UH,,,, GUN THING. OOF, yeah well. I want to say that was intentional, and it was partly, but not really for reasons that would make sense practically in a fight? Basically:
    1. I didn't want them to give any killing blows to the goblins because Clandestine is conflicted - one, the goblins seem scared and because of the previous conversation, much more "human," so she doesn't know if she wants to kill them
    2. Matt isn't trying to kill them either. Just defend himself, and get them to stop fighting. So he has no reason (in his mind) to pull his gun.
But I do get that guns can end the fight really quickly. Like, yes?? Clandestine has limited bullets, and she's more accustomed to using her sword when facing monsters (usually because bullets don't always do much, especially for larger ones). So now I'm wondering if she should pull the gun earlier? Though I wonder since, she doesn't have the intention to kill, if she gives a few non-fatal shots to some of them, they'd probably run off just like they do at the end. But that's like, if her aim is true, and in her current state of having floppy, not-super-trustworthy limbs... does she really want to waste a bullet betting on those odds? Lol idk. YOU HAVE A POINT. NOW I'M JUST RAMBLING TrYING TO FIGURE IT OUT. I could probably explain it best with that last point I think. Clandestine's not the best or quickest shot in the west, so if she doesn't think she can make the shot with like, 90% accuracy, she's not gonna waste it. But I think closer to the end she just gets desperate and that ovverides that, but also the target is closer so. That helps.

AND UH. LASTLY (sorry this reply is so long lol) I'M SO SO GLAD U LIKED THE ITALICS SECTION!!!!!!! I WAS REALLY HAPPY WITH HOW IT TURNED OUT TOO!! AND I'm excited for when it's revealed who all the italicized bits are from. ashkjshlfkj

THANkS SO SO MUCH <3



User avatar
314 Reviews


Points: 9635
Reviews: 314

Donate
Mon Sep 10, 2018 6:52 pm
View Likes
mellifera wrote a review...



Heya sound!! ;)


She could feel the shock in her shoulder as she lost all sense of footing and support beneath her.

It was Matt.

She reached up to grab his other hand with a grunt as he pulled her up.


So when he grabbed her the first time, did she fall over? And then it says "as he pulled her up" and "While Matt brought her up onto solid ground,", but at the beginning of the next paragraph, he's trying to pull her up again but she can't stand up? I'm?? not sure I understand what's happening here. (And also when the goblins charge, I don't know...what Clandestine's doing? Is she blocking the she-goblins blows while laying down? She gets on her knees after a moment but I'm still not clear on the rest)


It was... almost entertaining, but she was beginning to worry at how long Matt would be able to manage it but was also worrying about the goblins.


"but was" feels a little too repetitive here.


I do want to question how a little goblin is dragging Clandestine's dead weight? I,, don't know how big goblins are in comparison to humans or how small this one is compared to the average goblin but I though it? might be worth mentioning.


So I think since this chapter is pretty action packed, I would have liked to have seen some shorter paragraphs. I'm definitely not the best to consult for action haha, but I think it could have been better split up? Action scenes are a little more short and cut, to the point, because everything's moving faster than it is normally, so I believe I would have liked to see some breaks in paragraphs?


Ah!! I'm really excited to see Matt react to Clanny's magic!! I've been waiting for the reveal from her and I can't wait to see how he takes it! And of course, I'm excited to see what happens when James comes out for some fun, but alas, I know I must wait.


"I don't suppose you could've asked them for directions on the way out before they left, huh?"


ahh there she is again. goblins can't break her spirit or her horrible timing and it's wonderful.


I really like the ending of this chapter, and I'm,, going to shoot for the assumption it's James but I know I could also be wrong haha. But it raises a fair point tbh in our society too and I?? love the balance, the contrast between having the more light-hearted adventuring duo with the deeper, more controversial thoughts of the other section (journal sections? I only say this after "And I speak - or write - as one myself." so I am wondering if James (or whoever it is) is writing them as he goes along.


Anyway! That's all I have for you today! Can't wait to see how they get out of this mess and what comes next, but that'll be for the next chapter!

I hope you're having a wonderful day!! :D

Image




soundofmind says...


Me? Writing confusing action scenes? It's more likely than you think, haha. :,)

Okay so in that first part, basically what's happening is: Matt grabs Clandestine just before she falls down the hole. The ground has completely given way and she's like, about to go down following after big worm friend. But Matt grabs her. Then she grabs his other hand. He pulls her up. But when he brings her onto solid ground beside the now-hole her body is too drained by all the magic she used to stand up. That's why she... flops back down. I'm SORRy THAT WASN't CLEAR but I hope that makes more sense? And when the goblins charge... Clandestine's kind of just... there. She can't move a lot lol but they're not really trying to attack her? Apart from that little goblin - who is, canonically strong (goblins are supposed to be?? averagely stronger than humans I guess??)

BUT ACK THANKS sO SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW, and I'm loving hearing your thoughts on who the speaker is in the the little italic parts aaaa. I can't really comment on if your theories are right or wrong until it's just revealed in the story lol but. I LOVE HEARING THEM.

THANKS SO MUCH!! BIG HUGS



User avatar
291 Reviews


Points: 18848
Reviews: 291

Donate
Sat Sep 08, 2018 11:02 am
View Likes
Dossereana says...



Lovley peas of work. :D




soundofmind says...


Thank you! Glad you think so!




Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
— Mark Twain