Young Writers Society

Hi papillote,

Mailice back with another review!

That was a very emotional chapter. It really was a rollercoaster of emotions. For being mostly contemptuous of Mike for his weakness, I felt sympathy just seeing his flat. I think he knew from the beginning that Kyle was dead and just wanted to hear confirmation.

You managed to bring out more emotions in me with this chapter than the previous ones. It was a cold meeting and I liked how Bitter at least tried to be a little kinder and speak with some compassion. You portrayed him wonderfully over the course of the story and in this chapter. I can really imagine that this is his reaction to the news. It also shows to me again this infantile nature of his that he himself asks that he is dead and Bitter confirms it.

I liked the detail with the movie posters and how she tried to distract herself with them but also to prepare Mike a bit more gently for the news. But then I would have expected her to notice some of the other things that are in that little flat. Since flats are more or less people's refuge and represent their personality, I would have been very happy to learn more about what else is in Mike's flat. What I missed a bit was that you didn't really go into how Bitter found Mike's address. You did hint at it, but there I would have been very interested to know more about how she does that.

In terms of atmosphere, I found it to be a very cold and grey chapter. It was just the right pace and liked the focus on the two characters. It's like you get a bad news and everything around you goes silent or you disappear like in a fishbowl and you can't get out. You did a really good job of making me feel that way!

It was a wonderful chapter. I've really enjoyed the story so far. You have an excellent knack for leading the story. From the descriptions you give to the different characters, I felt like I was watching a series that only I like and out of a thousand series, it's the only one I want to come back to because I like it so much. I think you did a lot of things well and the structure of the story gave it tension and sometimes a little bit where I think you could expand on that, but on the whole it was a pleasure to read.

And yet I'm convinced that the story is far from over, it's just beginning. There are still some unanswered questions that have been there from the beginning, and also some characters that need to be explored more in depth to make a crowning conclusion. I hope and I wish that if you have the time, you will continue writing at some point and bring the story to its true end. And if that's the case, please tag me. Because this is one of my favourites here on YWS and it's been a long time since I read something like Bitter Oracle.


Have fun writing!

Mailice

Hi, papillote! Hope you don't mind that I'm back for more.

Gosh, this was a sad chapter. </3 Poor Mike! I just want to jump into the story and hug him. I thought you did an amazing job of showing his reaction to the news. The crystal clear diction and the silent tears, and even how he sat and put his head in his hands. That all worked together wonderfully. Honestly, I'm beginning to love his character more and more, so I felt an awful lot of empathy here. But hey, that's a good thing.

I liked how short and straightforward this chapter was. You got straight to the point and progressed the story forward, which is something, I've noticed, you're pretty good at. Just a few things caught my eye that I wanted to point out. :]

His apartment was just the one room and a cupboard-like bathroom.

The wall behind it was papered with movie posters. ‘Casino Royal’, ‘Star Wars’ – God, I love that red on white play in the last posters…‘Bold Man’, ‘Sibyl Thirdeye, Private Eye, the movie’ – uh!

I told him everything as gently as I could. I sounded whiny, I thought, I sucked at compassion. I shouldn’t have come myself, I should have called Graves. Or I could have brought Colleen.

Hi @Shikora here with a review.

First off I loved reading this chapter. It was very interesting. I can tell it had a lot of emotion in it, and I really liked that. It also told me the connection between the characters.

Now down to the review. There is still a few things that can be added into this.

Like in between these two paragraphs i think you could add bit more.

1) Mike just stepped aside, inviting me inside. His apartment was just the one room and a cupboard-like bathroom. “T-Tea?” he offered.

I nodded and sat at his big table. It was laden with piles of textbooks and notes. The wall behind it was papered with movie posters. ‘Casino Royal’, ‘Star Wars’ – God, I love that red on white play in the last posters…‘Bold Man’, ‘Sibyl Thirdeye, Private Eye, the movie’ – uh!

Like Mike's apartment. What does it smell like in there, and i can kind of get an image of what it looks like but it's no really clear to me. Is it a mess or is it neat? Thats just a small thing i picked up.

Also when Mike is making the tea, he has to heat up the water right? So shouldn't the water be making a noise as it boils. Also describe him as he works in the kitchen. And at this part you could describe what the kitchen looks like. There are just small things like this that the writer normally misses.

Hear are some tips to writing a story, when your writing you must always keep in mind these things. Smell, feel, sight, and sound. There are lot's of other things, but these are the main things to keep in mind. it will in prove your writing rapidly.

So that is all from me. I hope you liked the review. But if it came a cross as mean then i'm very sorry. I just want to help.

I hope you have a great day and keep writing.

@Shikora. And have a great review day!