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The Lost Dragon 4.2

by soundofmind


Chapter Four Part 2: Boom! Boom! Shake the room!

It was eerily silent down in the worm tunnels. And while, at first, they had been able to walk on the gooey dirt, the roof of the tunnel abruptly lowered in height, forcing them to crawl on all fours to fit.

Clandestine crawled on with a focused gaze, keeping her eyes open for anything in the light of the lamp she was holding in front of them, and her ears for anything else. The further in they went, the more the stench intensified, and she began to recognize its source. It smelled like... cow. And not just any cow. Probably a dirty, stinky, injured one. Or at least, that was what she would assume from a scared bovine creature being dragged through a dirt tunnel underground.

She glanced back at Matt to see how he was keeping up. He seemed to be doing fine, but her gaze kept falling on his injured arm, and then she realized: they were crawling. That wasn't the best for a wounded limb. Though, it was too late to turn back now. Not when they were already in so deep. She turned back to look ahead of her, awkwardly scooting the lantern along the goopy floor with her hands.

"Wow, they really did take cows down here didn't they?" she said with a short laugh. "There's plenty of room! ... sort of!"

"Low ceilings," was all she got out of Matt.

Clandestine snorted. "And smells like cow."

"Mm."

She smiled, pausing for a second to wipe away the beading sweat on her forehead. Even though it was slowly getting cooler the deeper they went, the air was getting more stuffy, and they'd been crawling for a while.

"I guess now's a bad time to tell ya I have a fear of being buried alive, huh?" she quipped.

"Since yer the one who jumped down in here so eagerly, I feel like that's counterintuitive to mention," he replied with what Clandestine was pretty sure was intended to be sarcasm. That, and she didn't know what counterintuitive meant.

In the moment that she was trying to come up with a witty reply, they began to feel a rumbling beneath them, as if something were moving very quickly through the dirt that made up their walls. Clandestine's sweat output immediately increased by 2%. She gripped the handle of the lamp and stopped, holding it out. The tremors stopped suddenly, and for a second, she thought the worm was gone.

She heard a hesitant question from behind her. "...Worms?"

"Yes. Woo-OOo-orMs," Clandestine's voice shook as the ground did before them. The trembling turned into a great rumble, and as Clandestine backed up into Matt ever so slightly, she held out the lamp with an increasing sense of resolution. It was then that the a giant worm burst its head into the tunnel, just ahead of them.

She'd never seen a sand worm that close before.

It greatly resembled a regular worm, apart from its size, and its face - if you could even call it that. Up where she had to assume its head was, was a mouth that split into four tooth strips, almost like the budding petals of a flower, except sharp, and there was something of an esophagus in the middle, presumably for the worm to swallow whatever it chose to nom. She knew they ate small underground creatures, like moles and rats, and critters that burrowed underground, but facing its gaping maw in the face made it feel very much like it wouldn't mind the taste of humans either.

But she drew her brows together, and she inched forward towards it with the lamp extended in her hand.

"Shoo, you big slimy!" she yelled, shoving the light in its face and waving it up and down.

The worm drew its head back, closing its mouth as it looked away and tilted its head in the opposite direction. For a brief moment, Clandestine was pleased, but that moment quickly ended when the worm withdrew quickly and tunneled into the ground right beneath them. She scrambled at the dirt beneath her as it gave way, trying to grasp for a solid hold, but she couldn't find anything in time.

They were falling.

Fortunately, for them, since the worm was only a little bigger than them, Clandestine and Matt were able to slow the fall by skidding down the sides if they stretched themselves out a little bit. But the fresh slime covering the walls of the newly burrowed tunnel that went straight down made their descent inevitable.

And it wasn't a very long slide until the worm below them seemed to disappear and they hit another thin layer of dirt that gave way beneath them. This time, they fell nine or ten feet, with Clandestine narrowly missing Matt on the way down. They landed right beside one another with a mutual "oof," and groaned as they slowly got up.

Clandestine blocked her face as some remaining dirt trickled down and rolled over, getting to her feet with a pained stretch. That fall really did nothing for her back.

Matt was a little slower to hop up, but he got to his feet as well, and the two looked around to find that they were in another larger underground tunnel, this one even a little bigger than the one they entered in. Along the walls were wooden posts that seemed to be fortifying the structure, and the ground beneath them was more flat, as if made to be a path. At different levels in the walls there were also several smaller of-shoots of tunnels, though she couldn't very well deduce what for or where they went.

And the only reason they'd been able to see any of it at all was because the tunnel's walls were lines with torches. Clandestine's lamp had gone out, and she couldn't find it anywhere. It appeared to be lost to the tunnels. She let out a quiet huff of frustration. In all her books and experience, sand worms had always been shy around fire. Normally they'd freeze up. But that worm straight up freaked out!

Clandestine was about to say something when she heard the echoes of distant chatter that made her hush. There was a rushing of footsteps, and what sounded like panicked shouting approaching, and with one look at Matt, they both knew. They were goblins, and they were coming.

After a few panicked looks around, Clandestine pointed at the little tunnels in the side of the wall. She climbed up to a higher one and let Matt take the lower, shimmying herself snugly inside until she was out of the range of light. She could only hope and assume that Matt had done the same when she saw a small group of goblins come into her narrow view.

Of the three of them they all varied greatly in size - with one looking about the height of an average human, one being absurdly tall, and one hopping around on all fours, about the size of an average dog. But they all were distinctly green, with eyes that shone a vibrant yellow.

They were each talking loudly and coarsely, in a vowel heavy language combined with grunts and tongue clicks that she couldn't understand. But if she understood anything from what glimpses she got of their body language as they walked in and out of view, it looked like they were arguing and talking about the minor cave-in that she'd caused.

The argument didn't seem to last long as the little one yelled something and scurried ahead as if leading the way. The two larger ones followed.

As the sound of the footsteps began to fade, she cautiously inched forward to peek out her head and check the area.

"It's clear," she whispered, before pulling herself forward and kind of just... falling out of her hole. There wasn't really any other way with the way she went in feet first. With a bounce she hopped back up and dusted herself off, looking down to see Matt crawling out of his hole with his cowboy hat magically still intact.

Woah. How did he do that? He didn't lose it in the fall...

She marvelled at him for a good few seconds before she realized she was staring, and he was looking back at her expectantly. She shook her head and began to walk in the direction that the goblins had gone. She looked back at Matt, gesturing with a pointing of her fingers that they should follow.

From the look on Matt's face, he clearly objected to the idea, but Clandestine just rolled her eyes insistently in that direction and smiled, leading the way. She looked back at Matt again to catch his begrudging glance as he followed, and she smirked as she looked away.

It was this or wait for the goblins to come by again, and she didn't want to risk her odds. There was no good way to surprise the goblins and be able to actually quickly take advantage of that surprise if they had to shimmy out of those tunnels as their hiding places just to reach them. Their best bet was to keep going forward, and hopefully sneak up on the goblins's main camp - because what else would this giant tunnel lead to anyway?


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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Moving along chapter 4.

First Impression: And some action. Pretty well done. Now I've noticed that each of your parts end with these pretty nice little cliffhanger like sentences most of the time. While these work great to keep us interested while reading in parts, it might not flow as well once these get combined into proper chapters.

Okay let's get right to it,

Probably a dirty, stinky, injured one. Or at least, that was what she would assume from a scared bovine creature being dragged through a dirt tunnel underground.


Well that explains the missing cow.

She smiled, pausing for a second to wipe away the beading sweat on her forehead. Even though it was slowly getting cooler the deeper they went, the air was getting more stuffy, and they'd been crawling for a while.


That's a pretty good and pretty accurate description right there for that.

"Since yer the one who jumped down in here so eagerly, I feel like that's counterintuitive to mention," he replied with what Clandestine was pretty sure was intended to be sarcasm. That, and she didn't know what counterintuitive meant.


Any reason why he'd think that she wouldn't know that? Its not like he actually knows her all that well.

Clandestine's sweat output immediately increased by 2%. She gripped the handle of the lamp and stopped, holding it out.


Saying 2% there is a little weird. Like why mention such a specific number there. It would be better to just say it increased.

It greatly resembled a regular worm, apart from its size, and its face - if you could even call it that. Up where she had to assume its head was, was a mouth that split into four tooth strips, almost like the budding petals of a flower, except sharp, and there was something of an esophagus in the middle, presumably for the worm to swallow whatever it chose to nom. She knew they ate small underground creatures, like moles and rats, and critters that burrowed underground, but facing its gaping maw in the face made it feel very much like it wouldn't mind the taste of humans either.


That's a pretty nice description and also a pretty neat way to exposit about their eating habits.

"Shoo, you big slimy!" she yelled, shoving the light in its face and waving it up and down.


And none of the goblins heard this?

Matt was a little slower to hop up, but he got to his feet as well, and the two looked around to find that they were in another larger underground tunnel, this one even a little bigger than the one they entered in.


Good to see that his injury is being remembered.

But that worm straight up freaked out!


Goblins. Fire.

Woah. How did he do that? He didn't lose it in the fall...


That is actually a very good question.

From the look on Matt's face, he clearly objected to the idea, but Clandestine just rolled her eyes insistently in that direction and smiled, leading the way. She looked back at Matt again to catch his begrudging glance as he followed, and she smirked as she looked away.


Again it is interesting that Matt can't seem to just say no and leave.

Their best bet was to keep going forward, and hopefully sneak up on the goblins's main camp - because what else would this giant tunnel lead to anyway?


Area 51 Yeah that's a good deduction I guess.

And that's it for this one.

Overall: Nice bit of excitement finally. And we learnt a few things about goblins and worms. And that's pretty much it. The plot is so far still revolving around this whole goblin and worm thing but I somehow think that the actual story still hasn't even fully begun.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Jan 27, 2019 8:46 pm
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Magebird wrote a review...



Did you miss me?

Small Comments


Chapter Four Part 2: Boom! Boom! Shake the room!


Did I ever tell you how much I love reading your chapter's titles? They're a story in themselves, and it makes me sad that the part names won't end up in the published version when you do get this story published someday. :P

She glanced back at Matt to see how he was keeping up. He seemed to be doing fine, but her gaze kept falling on his injured arm, and then she realized: they were crawling. That wasn't the best for a wounded limb.


Good thing you noticed, Clanny! I know Matt's aware of it, too, but he's a desperate idiot and he needs someone to stop him from being as idiotic as he is right now.

"Wow, they really did take cows down here didn't they?" she said with a short laugh. "There's plenty of room! ... sort of!"

"Low ceilings," was all she got out of Matt.


Matt's really losing character, isn't he? It's hilarious seeing him bemoan his inability to keep up the guise of "Matt" while simultaneously being done with everything going on around him. Even though this is a Clanny chapter, I'm pretty sure Matt's regretting his responses the moment they come out of his mouth.

"Since yer the one who jumped down in here so eagerly, I feel like that's counterintuitive to mention," he replied with what Clandestine was pretty sure was intended to be sarcasm. That, and she didn't know what counterintuitive meant.


It means that Matt likes big words and can't stop himself from saying them even when he's supposed to be a non-sarcastic cowboy.

But she drew her brows together, and she inched forward towards it with the lamp extended in her hand.

"Shoo, you big slimy!" she yelled, shoving the light in its face and waving it up and down.


CLANNY NO

This time, they fell nine or ten feet, with Clandestine narrowly missing Matt on the way down. They landed right beside one another with a mutual "oof," and groaned as they slowly got up.


OTP material right here, I tell you. :P

Also RIP Matt's arm.

She could only hope and assume that Matt had done the same when she saw a small group of goblins come into her narrow view.


Thankfully, Matt has some mad self-preservation skills when the situation calls for it, so I'm guessing he managed to get in on time.

Of the three of them they all varied greatly in size - with one looking about the height of an average human, one being absurdly tall, and one hopping around on all fours, about the size of an average dog. But they all were distinctly green, with eyes that shone a vibrant yellow.


I love the variety of them! I think it nicely compliments Matt's earlier point about goblins being like people, too - they're just as diverse as we are! Besides that, I also think it's a great way for you to tell the differences between them all.

With a bounce she hopped back up and dusted herself off, looking down to see Matt crawling out of his hole with his cowboy hat magically still intact.

Woah. How did he do that? He didn't lose it in the fall...


Because an actor never loses his props, Clanny.

Their best bet was to keep going forward, and hopefully sneak up on the goblins's main camp - because what else would this giant tunnel lead to anyway?


Looks like Clanny understands how The Plot works!

Overall Comments


I love all the action in this chapter, from the worm all the way to the goblins! Your world has always seemed like one filled with action thanks to the threads we've written together, but this chapter is the first one that really sticks out at me as something distinctively Nye-esque. Your pacing has been great so far, so it's not really a problem with the story - I'm just really excited at the thought of Matt and Clanny getting to show off their awesomeness in the next chapters.

I don't really have anything else to say, so onto the next chapter! It's time to find out just what the goblins are up to.

Image




soundofmind says...


Did you miss me?

YES

Did I ever tell you how much I love reading your chapter's titles?

this chapter title was actually a quote stolen from the Trollhunters animated series on netflix so this is like, the one title that can't stay 100% like it is LOL but I'm glad u like my titles :,)

Looks like Clanny understands how The Plot works!

ASHGLkfahgflsghlkjfhlkdjfghlkjd

THANK U AGAIN FOR ANOTHER REVIEW,,, <3 <3



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Sun Dec 30, 2018 2:04 am
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Omnom wrote a review...



You already know the drill! Let’s jump right in!

So, I’m not sure what actually entails these perspective changes? At first I thought it was every other chapter, then every other chapter part, but both 3.2 and 3.3 were Clandestine’s POV (unless I’m mistaken and forgot already) so is there any rhyme or reason to this? If not, I would highly recommend putting who’s (whose?) perspective it is at the top, to avoid confusion.

So, there are parts of Clandestine’s personality that I find grating, which is mostly the rambling that’s not done too well at times. But, I love a lot of what comes from her mind’s perspective. Like, she believes the smell is coming from a cow that’s injured, when I’m pretty sure that a cow in this situation would not actually be alive after being dragged through tunnels like that. But Clandestine is just naturally optimistic, and it’s quite endearing.

So what a weird thing to mention about Clandestine’s sweat increasing by 2% lol, if she were freaking out the output would totally increase by a lot more than just 2%. But, it was a joke so I shouldn’t take it too seriously haha.

Torches on the walls? Uh oh… that makes me think the worms and goblins are working together! Maybe it’s some kind of master plan to take over the world! So I love how Clandestine just gets distracted a lot. They’re several feet into tunnels created by sand worms and goblins and she’s over here admiring that Matt managed to keep his cowboy hat on.

So I see a lot of rhetoricals asked at the end of these chapter parts. While they work like most of the time, there are times (like this one) where they’re just cheap shots for added tension. But! They also give away what the next chapter is going to be more than a couple of times. I hope this time is a misdirect, because it’s not fun if the main characters always know what’s going to happen, or gives us hints on what’s going to happen, y’know? Anyway, yay action! I’m happy and I hope we see more.




soundofmind says...


So, I%u2019m not sure what actually entails these perspective changes?

THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION. Honestly in the next draft I'm probably gonna stronghand it into being more structured and organized, like one pov per chapter, but at the moment, I'm just switching them based on which pov i feel is the most interesting or valuable for the reader to hear or which one will be most fun to write. Is it the best uhhh set-up or whateveR??? proooobably not but at the moment that's just what's happening :,)

ALSO ON THE RAMBLING YES I will be looking to cut stuff like that out and improve in the future chapters and whenever I get back to this in editing!!

Also I can't explain why I think the 2% joke is hilarious,, I know it's kinda lame and makes little sense but I just... I like it too much to get rid of it. At least in this draft ahsljkfdhlk

ALSO THANKS FOR POINTING OUT the rhetoricals at the end of chapters lol i don't think I was realizing I was doing it cuz sometimes I write the parts so spaced out LoLL



Omnom says...


LMS does that to you mannn xD and i get a lot of these problems are mostly because of LMS, like the switching of perspectives and some of the weird characters choices, but that's what makes it more fun!



soundofmind says...


YES IT'S STILL SO FUN Ashdkjfgdhl



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mellifera wrote a review...



Hey sound! Guess who's back ;)


And while, at first, they had been able to walk on the gooey dirt, the roof of the tunnel abruptly lowered in height, forcing them to crawl on all fours to fit.


I hate how delicious gooey dirt sounds ):<


I do have to question how, unless it was a calf but even then, the goblins/worms were able to drag a cow through these tunnels if Clandestine and Matt aren't able to even fit without crawling because cows are,, much bigger,,, then people.

I also want to know why Clandestine knows the specific smell of dirty, stinky, injured cow.


"Wow, they really did take cows down here didn't they?" she said with a short laugh. "There's plenty of room! … sort of!"


o h
but still, I'm going to leave that question up there because I still find it...odd. unless they dismembered the cow but lET'S NOT THINK ABOUT THAT

That, and she didn't know what counterintuitive meant.


I love this little detail about Clandestine?? Idk man I just love little character details like this, especially when they're snuck in like this.

Clandestine's sweat output immediately increased by 2%.


sound your writing is amazing and it just, fits you so well.


I'm! excited that we get to see more action and goblins finally! I'm curious to know how Clandestine's going to handle this situation, especially given Matt's thoughts about goblins last chapter. I could see there being some conflict, or maybe Clandestine sees them in a kinder light than most people do. I really like the idea of having them more than a punching bag that the main characters get to beat up on for the glory, because given Matt's thoughts about them, they sound like they really have their own culture going on? That's fascinating to me and I love that kind of thing but anyway haha.

I think I also would have liked to have seen a little more of Clandestine's experience with the sand worms? It's mentioned a few times, in this chapter and previously, that she's dealt with them before and has read about them, but in what kind of scenarios? Did she jump in the tunnel before based on knowing it shouldn't be dangerous, or if it was, she has handled the same situation before, or has she dealt with sand worms at a more surface level, making the jump into the tunnel more impulsive? (And I think? I remember you talking about this chapter in a pad once while you were writing it? And I think you said it was impulse, but I wanted to bring it up regardless)

Anyway, I think that's all I've got for you today! You know I'm gonna be around for more, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

I hope you're having a wonderful time!! :D




soundofmind says...


SCRIBS UHHH HELLO I LOVE YOUR REVIEWS so much wow big hugs for u

UHH im just gONNA engage u on ur questions lol even tho my brain is a little fizzled out imma answer u cuz u deserve it

unless they dismembered the cow but lET'S NOT THINK ABOUT THAT

uh........ that is exactly what they did im sorry

I also want to know why Clandestine knows the specific smell of dirty, stinky, injured cow.

that.....is a good question but honestly but uh, I think a lot of it is assuming? Clandestine knows what dead animal smells like in general so....

I really like the idea of having them more than a punching bag that the main characters get to beat up on for the glory, because given Matt's thoughts about them, they sound like they really have their own culture going on?

Yes!! Goblins do have their own culture and stuff. They're not just mindless creatures!

I think I also would have liked to have seen a little more of Clandestine's experience with the sand worms? It's mentioned a few times, in this chapter and previously, that she's dealt with them before and has read about them, but in what kind of scenarios?

LOL I wish I had an answer for this but tbh I haven't thought out very thoroughly how her past encounters went down, but I imagine it was much simpler since goblins weren't involved as well. I do think she's only dealt w/them at surface level though. Going underground after them is new for her.

AND OKAY YASSS THANK U sO MUCH <3 <3



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StellaThomas wrote a review...



Hey! Finally catching up with you here!

First of all, the opening of this chapter was giving me flashbacks - when I was in Vietnam earlier this year we went to the tunnels that the Viet Cong used during the war. At the time, the height of the tunnels was 0.7m, and they had increased it to 1m to allow for, uh, Caucasian tourists. And omg it was so tight. The guerrillas used to commando crawl through them and so that American dogs didn't catch their scent they would block up the vents with dead bodies. The whole thing was honestly very anxiety inducing and I don't even have claustrophobia. SO THAT'S WHERE I WAS AT AT THE START OF THIS but in a good way!

The conversation about the cow confused me - this bit:

"Wow, they really did take cows down here didn't they?" she said with a short laugh. "There's plenty of room! ... sort of!"

"Low ceilings," was all she got out of Matt.


I just didn't fully understand what Clandestine was trying to say, if she was being sarcastic etc etc.

Other than that my other main query about this chapter, and I suppose about the project thus far, is just that some of the vocabulary seems out of sync with the setting. Specifically, in this instance, the words "stinky" and "nom" really put me off. I know that Clandestine is meant to kind of come off as young and kooky and maybe not the person whose hands you really want to put your life into, and the lighthearted, vaguely immature voice really works for her as such. But some of the vocab really just seems much too 2010s for it to work in the setting, if that makes sense? I'm definitely up for informal language and quips but I just don't like when my disbelief doesn't get suspended fully. It's just a bit jarring to see a word and think, "huh, that doesn't fit". Again, as always, maybe that's what you're going for, and if so, ignore me.

The tl;dr version is that I love the tone and voice of the narration, and the informality of it, but maybe just don't make it sound quite as Gen Z as it does (omg I'm so old and decrepit).

Goblins!! Also MATT'S COWBOY HAT. How did it stay on his head?! I must know.

Looking forward to next week!

- Stella x




soundofmind says...


THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW!!

And asdhslkjd hmm. I mean, I guess for that conversation bit that Clanny started, it was mostly just her trying to start conversation, and she's like, just referencing their surroundings as looking gross and smelling gross, i.e. they probably took some dead cows down them lol.

Also wow..... @The language sounding 2010's hahahh I'm ,, I'm crying LMAO. I DIDn'T EVEN THINK IT SOUNDED THAT JARRINg - idk I guess these are the disadvantages of me trying to just tell the story like how I talk :,,,) Idk why my brain wants to use these words that like, the cool%u2122 sound knows are outdated hahahahahaha :,,,) I guess I'll just have to weed out a lot of those when I go back and edit because I can't really edit and write at the same time... apart from like big grammar and spelling errors for the most part

But I'll try not to use those in the future because that's NOT wHAT I'M TRYING TO GO FOR IS SOUNDING..... like some outdated memer parent trying to sound cool idk lol (is my brain still living in 2010? maybe... idk)

AND LOL HIS HAT STAYED ON BECAUSE HE held it pfffff, Clanny just didn't notice if I said he doesn't wanna walk around with hat hair I wouldn't be lying



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Oxara wrote a review...



Man review day is a good thing, I got to catch up on your LMS this review day. Also I feel kinda bad that your almost like my guinea pig for learning and improving at reviewing :). My reviews still need a lot of work, so thank you for bearing with me while I learn everything. Anyway, let's go into the review shall we.

Worldbuilding- I could be wrong, but are you saying goblins and worms are working together? Because I am taking it as that, and I think that is pretty cool.

Random thoughts: well, this was the most action packed chapter so far and you did it pretty well. However as I read this, my previous comment on a review before was off, your scaling on the worms are fine, confusing at first, but they make sense now that I have thought about it.

Nit picks: "They were falling."- I feel like this could be more dramatic or less matter of fact. Perhaps something like, then they started a rapid descended or something like that.

"Woah. How did he do that? He didn't lose it in the fall..."- She focuses on that? she is fighting goblins and worms and she focuses that he doesn't lose his hat?

"Yes. Woo-OOo-orMs,"- this is a weird way to show her shaking, I mean I just feel like saying "yes worms" she said as her voice shook or something like that might be clearer to read? But then again it's not like it's a bad way to show it, just kinda of a weird way.

"And it wasn't a very long slide until the worm below them seemed to disappear and they hit another thin layer of dirt that gave way beneath them." I didn't understand what you meant at first, I would try to reword to make it clearer

"immediately increased by 2%." Just say immediately increases, we don't need to know by 2% and it just feels weird to have a numerical stat to her increase in sweat. Plus if you really have to do it say two percent.

Also when she swings the lantern at the worm's face, before she does that tell us she is thinking that they freeze at fire. Most of the time you are telling us her thoughts as she thinks them, as you do later. So not telling us her thoughts now but telling us her thoughts later doesn't make much sense.

Conclusion/ending statement: Well, what can I say it was pretty well written for the second action scene. Plus your descriptions of the worm digging around and you falling was pretty hard to do and you did it pretty well. Not perfect, it could use some work, but I could see it and understand what you were saying for the most part. And this chapter kept me engaged for nearly all the way through it. And I will say these reviews I am having to think more and more about, so you are improving. Anyway keep up the good work and I can't wait to see your next story.

Oxara




soundofmind says...


I'm glad you're learning about reviewing dude, I don't mind!! Thanks much for reading my stuff!

I could be wrong, but are you saying goblins and worms are working together?

You're on the right track!!! ;)

Also!!
Also when she swings the lantern at the worm's face, before she does that tell us she is thinking that they freeze at fire. Most of the time you are telling us her thoughts as she thinks them, as you do later. So not telling us her thoughts now but telling us her thoughts later doesn't make much sense.

Lol same. That's what I was thinking in my 20/20 hindsight LOL. When I was writing it I was just... lazy honestly and should've moved her thoughts about the fire scaring the worms up to where it actually happened haha.




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