Hey, magiccharm2002! Lupa here for a rusty review. Let's get right to it.
1)
I drink and dance until I'm out.
What confuses me is your use of "completely out" as an adjective. Does it mean that the narrator is exhausted? Drained of energy? Weary? Any of the suggested adjectives would work nicely, but your word choice is pretty vague and not generally used in that way.
That being said, I do like how you use the "like everyone else" in the first line to show that the narrator is different from the others. It's subtle, yet meaningful.
2)
I feel so good it’s like I’m high,
but really I’m dying inside.
I'm wondering about your rhyme scheme in this poem. There are some lines that seem like they rhyme (high, inside; know, go), but it never sticks. If this is a free verse, you could change your wording a little to make sure your readers don't get confused.
3) What does the narrator want to be released from? It's hinted throughout the poem that it could be depression or something of the sort, but it also seems like he's condemning happiness in the second-to-last line.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading your poem! It's really emotional and I do like the "happiness is a fleeting thing" line because it's so true. Keep on writing!
XOX,
Lupa22
Points: 1219
Reviews: 558
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