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The demon maiden chapter one

by Oxara


“What you’ve never seen a female warrior before?” I said. He simply muttered and turned around blushing. I stared at him, nearly scoffing. “Look I took down this demon so leave.” He was a soldier of the castle, he was not prepared to fight any demon alone, yet alone any that I am hunting. Maybe if he was with his squad he could take down a low tier one. But he is no demon hunter, not unlike those of us who train for this. He was a fool for being this far out. I jumped up into the air and quickly headed straight toward the ground, where the army of demons stood. “Die” I screamed , and screams of pain followed.

I crashed at my squad’s house, up in the clouds to avoid detection along with a lot of magic wards.

“Give me a beer, Leo”

Leo entire being was sharp and strong. His body while strong had no visible signs of muscles. His eyes gleamed with a dark blue. His hair went to just above his shoulder.

“Why should I do that” he said with a sharp glance towards me

“Well how about this, whoever killed the most demons, with tier six boses demons counting as five demons and going up form there gets the other a beer.”

“Sigh, it’s not a contest you know. But fine I’ll play your game, but if I win I don’t want a beer, I want that nice little bit of fancy demon leather you got off that tier two boss today.”

“Dam, did our little coward mage tell you about that?” He only shrugged in response“Alright you have yourself a deal.”

As we revealed our number, a grunt echoed from me, how did he manage to kill more than me? I ripped my precious leather from my belt and handed it to him.

“Thank you” he said with a grin more devilish than any demon I killed. I made a vulgar gesture towards him, he simply laughed it off.

The door opened, and Galizure scrolled in. He was handsome in a way that ruined all but perfect males. His jaw line was set at a sharp angle. His neck and body having slight signs of muscles even with shirts on. But that was modest compared to the sheer power that resented form him. The demigod angel, that is what he was called. No god blood ran through his vain, there is only two creatures that still have that blood. No one in human kingdoms have that blood, not even the god angel, Sabrael.

He glanced around the room, locked eyes with me and laughed slightly. “What did our little demon, lose to Leo again? I told you to stop making such foolish bets, and just for your laziness too.”

“He’s the only demon here”

“Oh? Who has demon blood in their veins?”

“Only for power you know, if anything I’m more of a vampire. I can gain power form normal magic too you know.”

“I have yet to see it, anyways I know you like destroying demons with their own power’s.” He winked at me. I nearly scoffed, But it was the truth.

“Better than believing in some magical light.”

“Hey it’s not just some light, it’s as I have said. It’s the holy creature, Strirdraz which we have used its essence to give me the powers of angels. It’s like your powers, as the only remaining, dumiche. Instead of blood it’s essence, got it?”

“Yea yea, but your powers are way more cool than yours.” I summoned a bunch of green fire throughout the room to emphasis the point. He extinguished the flames with a flick of his fancy light.

Something hit me then. “Wait the god angel has real angel blood flowing through his veins right? Just as I have demon and ra’oxa through mine?” He glanced at me, his surprise written on his face. I haven’t seen that face in years, when I climbed the ranks with a “useless power” and turned it into one of the most powerful.

“Well yes, but he is not a dumiche. He was originally embedded with essence like me. But one day, he came back from a mission with holy blood, he’s told me that he visited urtha, the holy lands. He told me to not be blinded by the light, I don’t know what it means, but that’s all I know. Oh and don’t tell anyone, any of you.”

We all nodded our heads, not daring to make a comment. Footsteps started to echo, as the smell of hot glazed chicken, a luxury as it stands with our one single city and its limited surrounding towns and lands, hit our noses. At last Adonael appeared out from the shadows, his powers of elements making him naturally blend into the shadows.

Adonael was a good guy, he cared about everyone else. He was the closest thing we got to a druid, one of the thing lacking for our elite team. He wasn’t muscled like Galizure, resembling a teenage boy. However he still looked strong, still resonated power like we all did. The only difference between our squad, our leader Galizure seer presence would send any lesser demon or human sprawling on the ground in fear.

“Dinners ready guys.Oh, Sorry Lesiksa, I’ll get your food, after I set this down.”

I nodded. I wished I could find a demon with Adonael powers.

“You know you can call me Les right?”

He blushed and started to run back into the kitchen. When he returned the entrancing smell of demon infused crocodile, cooked with demon herbs, invaded my nose. I bit at it eagerly, it tasted better than last time Adonael made it. “Man you are the best, god it’s so good. You really didn’t spare any thought for saving these species did you?”

“Nobody likes demon spices, their often burnt as fuel and even then in rarity. So it’s cheep, hard to get a normal supply route here, but still cheap. The crocodile did not share that cheapness, but the difficulties were the same. But your are cheaper than any of us.” He said with a big grin on his face.

I coughed on a bone form the crocodile, it causing slight burns in the back of my mouth. Burns, that a full demon would never receive while eating food. The bone soon disintegrated with my inner demon fire.

“Slow down please.” Adonael said, with that innocent grin on his face.

“So Adonael, how can you be so pleasant and happy up here, but down there be so vicious to demons.”

“Simple your my friends, and allies, a team. The demons are the enemy.”

“And you don’t see me as one?”

“A demon?”

“A enemy.”

“Of course not, I know your powers aren’t always easy to control. Not since you,” he paused to think about the next few words, “trained it to be for fighting. I know sometimes you want to take over more power, weather it be creature, demon or simply energy. Or us if you get really desperate. But you have controlled it, and will continue to do so.”

I snatched a single glazed chicken form the community bowl and bit into it, it tasted bitter, raw, almost wrong to eat. I nearly threw up but it made me feel closer to these people, as though that inner demon was gone for now. A special treat for me, I only eat this food once in a while, but when I do I hate it.

I flashed him a grin. Out of us all, he had the most character outside of being a warrior, a demon hunter. He grinned back, with that pleasant warm smile.












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Points: 360
Reviews: 2

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Wed Jul 11, 2018 6:15 pm
Fearful wrote a review...



Hello Oxara,
I was smiling and tearing up at the same time while reading this (latter because of allergies, probably), and I loved how you wrote this. :D I love this world that your story takes place in already, because you add in a lot of terminology and describe the characters really well. The only thing I would suggest with the terms you've used is to maybe explain them a little more. At the beginning, I feel like I kind of just jumped into the middle of the story, and I haven't really been introduced to anything yet. I would suggest having maybe some more descriptions concerning the demons, or maybe a little more background on the demon tiers, powers, etc. I'm really curious to see where this goes (I see you have another chapter already), and it seems to be giving off some medieval fantasy vibes, which is amazing. At the beginning, when the protagonist is fighting a demon, I just feels like it transitions really quickly to the scene at the squad's house, so I suggest expanding on the demon scene or just removing it maybe? Otherwise, this was a pretty well written story, there were just a few mistakes in spelling, grammar, etc, reading through it once or twice should help you find those. I would quote the main ones, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet...Reading it back to front may also help, just a little tedious.
I like the concept a lot, so I look forward to seeing you expand on it and write more about this world.
Sincerely,
Fearful




Oxara says...


Hey thanks a lot for the review.

So I am really bad at introductions, it just something I'm working on. I just can't introduce them naturally. I mean the best I am getting right now is those descriptions of them as I did in here. But I feel like I made the relationships between them pretty clear, which is progress for me. So it's just a matter of experience of trying to be able to do it naturally. However I'll do a little bit of a chapter 0.5/1.1 to explain everything better. Well I'll do it when I get a chance, I'm leaving tomorrow for a four day trip so maybe not for a while.

And in terms of the transition form the demon battle scene to the squad house, I thought it needed improvements and had (well still do) no idea how to improve it . And I asked around about and some people said it was fine, so I'll leave it for now and maybe try to refine it later. But it definitely need's work

In terms of grammar/spelling, I know. Well, one this is my LMS so I'm trying to push this out within a week so these things will slip through. I did read to try to catch it maybe two to three times, But I'm just bad at getting them, so sorry if it made it confusing.

Anyway, thanks for the review it really was helpful. And welcome to YWS. I'm pretty new as well, but if you need help give me a shout and I'll try



Fearful says...


I love how you just took this all really well. :D Thanks for saying thanks for the review, it is my first (maybe you can tell). Travel safe!




The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment.
— T. H. White