hi there! londone here to review your work.
Ah, "Wishes and Hopes". We all have them. They can vary from things we know will never happen and to the things we have a close chance of actually achieving. These things are truly just peaks and valleys to the human brain and our intake on life. They're a big part of what keeps us, shall we say, "sane". Sometimes forcing yourself to be present in a discouraging situation can be too stressful, so we resort to our dreams that everything will be alright in the future. I think that's a big part of what you were hoping to address here. At least, that was my view of things.
Anyway, sorry about that little blurb there. Let's begin.
One way I like to review is by analyzing the poem from top to bottom, so let's do that, shall we?
I wish I lived in a world where no one was ever judged.
We've kicked off the poem with a very broad topic. It may be a wish (I think we've all wished that sometimes) but it does send me in a lot of different directions.
I wish for a lot of things. I hope for a lot things. But I never do receive.
Two technical issues there--first of all, never start a sentence with "but".
(The other is just a quick fix--"I hope for a lot things" should have "of" between "lot" and "things")
You never receive? I'd like a bit more elaboration on that.
I wish I could change my life style, so I could become a better person.
You see, to change is a choice you must make yourself. Without having the motivation to change or internally deciding it, there is nothing you can do about it. Yet, you can change. So make that wish come true. Make the internal decision to change what you don't like about your habits.
All in all, good effort. I can tell you put your heart into this and it came from a deep place inside you.
thanks for sharing,
londone
Points: 10789
Reviews: 119
Donate