Young Writers Society

Hi! I'm Ari and I shall review your poem today. I broke the review into 5 sections to make it easier to read.

1.Are you the sea or the shore? You will say you're the shore in one line and the sea in the next. Consistency is a very important quality in writing and this poem has very little of it.

2. Quote straight from the poem: and i am the shore i give her the water she uses to grow
Shores don't water things. They are just the land around the water. The definition of shore supports my statement.

3. This poem would make a lot more sense if broken up into stanzas

Example:

1 if she is a rose
then i am the shore
she grows of a brilliant red
to be picked and adored
a sign of love is what you use her for
and you've always loved roses;

2i am the sea
a deep blue scene
drown in my misery
and live without me
sail through my past
without looking back
my presence is nothing
when she's in your arms
for she is a rose
and i am the shore

3i give her the water she uses to grow
i am the cold
unknown, forgotten
and everyone loves roses
and they all eventually
leave the shore.

4 What's up with the random period at the end? You didn't use punctuation throughout the whole poem. Why use it then?

5 I cant believe I'm saying this, but there was one good quality about this poem. Can you guess what it is? You're awesome use of descriptive words!

Overall, I really don't like this poem. I'm not going to lie to you, so here's some brutal honesty; In my opinion, this poem sucks. But don't let that stop you. Keep writing and improving no matter what anyone says! You are amazing! Jesus loves you!

Awesome poem, pthurism! It actually reminds me of two character's relationship in one of my favorite book series, but let's try to stay on topic here, shall we? My favorite thing about this is that it shines a light on all the sacrifices me make for love. It's good, but I think it could be better if you put in more visual details. Instead of

"I am the sea"

You could say

"I am the endless ocean"

Keep up the good work! AnimalQueen out!

Well, you may or may not agree with the review.
So the idea behind this poem is actually very good. A tiny bit of confusion, whether the poet in this poem is a third person or not. It felt like two people are in love, and you are another one, probably a stranger, reminding them of each other.
Don't you think there is something odd in the following lines "if she is a rose, then i am the shore- compare it to this line "and you've always loved roses"
And "Rose" , "Shore" and "Sea" are something different, never saw a rose on a shore or a shore watering a rose, even if you use it metaphorically. I think these lines "and everyone loves roses and they all eventually leave the shore" don't fit there in the end. I might be wrong there as you probably had something in your mind but you couldn't put it on the paper that well.

OH gosh, I love this poem! I wish I could print it all out and post it on my wall--but that would be copyright--and I would go to jail or I'd be sued(-^-'). If there's one thing I love about this poem the most, would probably be

"I give her the water she uses to grow

i am the cold

unknown, forgotten

and everyone loves roses

and they all eventually

leave the shore."

This part I absolutely love because although someone could give someone everything, they would take it for granted. That's usually true to most people today, and I absolutely hate it. This poem is so beautiful, I'm just crying right now.

One thing that would be nice to improve would be the format of this poem. Of COURSE, it was good, but the format is kind of hard to read. Other than that, I'd say it's flawless! I can't even believe something like this piece was created. Great job, keep writing! \(^-^)/

-Wendy Vermillion, OUT!

This is a really pretty poem. I love the colors, the stark contrast of brilliant red against "miserable" blue/grey shore. I love every line of this poem, I can't really think of anything to critique, awesome! I would say this is even publishable. Message me if you want help getting this published.

Hello, I'm Namjoon, and I'm reviewing your poem.

I think your poem is really beautiful. The reader kinda gets the visual of the rose and its beauty and they can get a visual of the red color. There is also a shift from the rose to the shore. What I mean is that it goes from the rose which gives off a loving vibe to the shore which is blue, and the reader kinda gets the visual of sadness, and/or like you wrote "misery".

Also, I'm just suggesting, capitalize your I's, and when you are starting a new sentence/stanza.

Other than that, you did a really good job. I hope you make more in the future. Keep up the good work!

hi there, i'm londone, here to review your work.

First of all, wow. I'm in love with this. Your style of poetry is beautiful, and I admire it. Very interesting and likable take on roses (and the contrast.) You have quite a way with words.

What I'm fascinated with is the contrast. A shore and a rose--a bit odd, but it makes me think, and I like it. My interpretation of the meaning behind it was possibly a love story with a wilted ending, but even if that wasn't what you were going for, that doesn't change my view of the beauty of this poem. Please continue writing! I enjoyed this a lot!

londone

Hey nice poem! Just have a minor suggestion to capitalize your I's but other then that it's a great poem! Also possible capitalize the beginning of each sentence as well. Really like the use of the rose very nice, hope you make more and have a nice day, hoped this helped!