z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Lament Of The Soul-NaPow 4

by EverLight


Warning: This is not a happy poem at all. If you tend to cry easily of get hurt easily this might do the trick! 

How my heart aches!

What is woe that I should be broken?

Nor agony that I should be torn?

Trial after trial,

Tribulation after tribulation,

it never ends.

Oh the wretchedness of my soul!

I dare not rise, nor look upon

the beauty of the world least

it remind me of what I've lost,

in my beaten broken heart.

Oh misery!

How dare the sun shine!

How dare the trees dance!

Does this earth not see my sorrow and despair?

Nor the arrow in my heart?

Oh dejection!

I cannot count the times shearing pain has pierced me!

Does man not see my broken wings?

How dare he ignore may pain as if it’s a bug to scorn!

I scarcely believe the promise of dawn,

I cannot bear the thought of hope.

I have been broken too many times to count.

Oh agony and woe!

I am tortured by endless wounds,

and never ending grief.

Every day I am afflicted by wrenching pain.

It stalks me like a beast,

it tears me to pieces on the inside.

Scars my inner being,

Wounds me to deep for healing.

I cry out but no one hears my heartache.

I writh and unimaginable agony,

in unsurpassed anguish,

My heart is wounded beyond comprehension.

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10 Reviews

Points: 587
Reviews: 10

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Wed Apr 25, 2018 3:04 am
WendyVermillion wrote a review...



Wow, this poem pretty much sums my life up but about a billion times more than this. I am a depressed child (not actually, but I kinda just lead a crappy life), but I love writing. I can't necessarily put my "pain" in words, AND YOU HAVE DONE IT. The composition of this poem was GREAT! The words you used painted a good image in my mind.

Unfortunately, this poem did not bring me to tears--I'm sorry, I've read some really sad fanfiction so now my standards are really really high--but like I had said, it basically sums up my life.

One thing to work on, though, would just be in grammatical terms. Becuase the comma is at the end of the line, it would kind of be illogical to place it there if you're moving to the next line anyway. Just some advice! Nice piece! \(^-^)/

-Wendy Vermillion, OUT!




EverLight says...


It's alright if this didn't bring you to tears. It just had to mean something to you that's all.





It did, good job!



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Points: 134
Reviews: 21

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Wed Apr 25, 2018 12:09 am
Eve wrote a review...



Amazing
I'm so happy to find another soul that joined the world of non-rhyming poets!
I also noticed that you are new here (so am I, but I've been here a LITTLE longer, so HA!(just kidding)) and I'm SO happy you decided to dive right in. it took me a few weeks to build my profile, change my name... etc.
however, there are some punctuation and word mistakes, especially near the end; "I have been broken to many times..." it would be 'too many times...' too, not to. This arises againand again through the poem, it kind of upset the flow for me. Also, you put the word wreath instead of writhe. A wreath is for christmas, I get where it may have been autocorrect, but just double check the words and spelling throughout the poem.
once these little things are fixed, you're GOLDEN! Keep creating!




EverLight says...


Thanks. I did spell writh wreath. I guess I didn't catch that.



EverLight says...


Whoops I mean I didn't know it was spelled writhe.




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"I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy..."
— Unnamed Girl from "Mean Girls"