Thanks for sharing this poem about a mysterious, confined, harassed and admired woman described as a queen. I like the poem’s imagery of hill, castle, dragons, windows, which serve to create a mysterious mood. The personification of the castle by referring to it as proud is a nice touch. I also like how the mood is deepened by describing the woman in the castle queenly and capable of protecting her kingdom even though she is confined to her castle.
Both queen and castle are described as standing tall though she is a prisoner within it.
Things start to become a little hazy in the middle part where her subjects described as having to turn the other cheek and yet unable to see her true nature. If someone was forcing me constantly to turn the other cheek I would have serious doubts about that person’t good nature. I would feel victimized. Neither would I need to look through her windows to know that she is slapping me around. Yet the poem tells us that those being slapped around that way see her as benevolent.
Very interesting read! Look forward to reading more of your work.
Suggestion:
The poem would have read smoother for me if regular punctation had been used.
I had to stop and restart certain lines several times to read them correctly as part of a sentence which continued below instead of a statement. For example the fourth line isn’t part of the list it follows but I read it that way. Then realized it begins a new sentence. Separating it from the other three by making it part of a new stanza or else capitalization would have avoided that confusion.
the dragons
the monsters
the creatures of fear
the things that you just can’t describe
....hill[,]
....looked upon with awe[.] [promotes clarity]
the village whispers cohere in excitement [....merge in excitement]
The statement that her subjects are forced to turn the other cheek seems out of place.
Since they have to be turning the other cheek, why are they seeing her as a benevolent queen? Why their need to look through windows when they are already aware that she is forcing them to turn the other cheek? Removing that statement would improve the poem considerably by making it less self contradictory.
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Reviews: 841
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