Young Writers Society

This is a beautiful poem @ScarredSecrets

Okay, it seems like there is nothing left to review, everyone has put in a lot of effort in giving their expertise. You may or may not agree with what i say here and I do apologize if I appeared harsh

In poetry, I tend to be simple enough to be understood easily, what's the point of writing something if your readers have to keep the google tab open, it is not like every reader here is a Keats or a Wordsworth.

But, to make it strike the readers' hearts and minds, we do use compelling words. We don't say it like "pen is red, the ink is blue...my dear friend I love you", it was simple enough to understand the love for the dear friend, but was that love based just around the pen and the ink ?

You don't have to force every word to rhyme. I found your poem at its best in the end, I felt like the writer was gradually feeling the weight of the emotions. In the beginning, it all felt to me like "the pen is red and the ink is blue".

You are young, I suggest you review other's works as much as you can, compare them all with one another, this way you'll learn a lot. You have the potential, keep it up :')

Radrook here to provide,
a review from which you can't hide.
So better get ready to listen.
Cuz I just got out of prison.
And aint in no prattling mood.
So just sit andah listen up dude!

All joking aside, please feel free to reject any suggestion found to be unhelpful. If indeed I offend, apologies since it is not intentional. That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem concerning two people who seem to have been born to be with one another. Finding a soul-mate like that is really a true blessing. I like the rhyming and the spontaneous way that the poem from from beginning to end, I can imagine someone reciting this like rap and pausing at critical points and picking up the rhyme again. Cool poem man.

Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Hello there!
Most of the things have been covered in other reviews. I am going to only tell you what I felt reading your poem. I could see the way you felt, looking normal from the outside and anything but normal from within. I liked the pace at which the poem flowed. I liked that it was quick and did not hover at the same place. I do feel a little more could be explored about the emotions involved when both are together. The last line was kind of an anti climax. It implies that what is decided will happen. I would have liked it better had you left it unsaid or maybe justified it a bit more. If this is your true story, you are one lucky girl to find someone that cares so deeply for you. I wish you the best. Keep writing.

So to bounce off what @TheBlueCat said about emotions and imagery/figurative language--

I think these two things often go hand-in-hand in poetry. The emotion in this poem falls a little flat, although the potential is definitely there because we see that the narrator has been abused and that the person she has a crush on is her best friend who has uplifted her through all of it. It falls flat because the narrator states everything in general terms, describing the love interest as "goofy and daring/respectful and kind."

I would want to see this poem dig deeper and get more specific - I think people don't often think of specific details as "imagery" but it counts! Rather than saying "goofy and daring/respectful and kind," consider details that would show this about this person. What are some fond memories the narrator has of this person's goofiness and kindness? Is there anything in particular he's said or done that really warm the narrator's heart? Including these details will really make us feel what the narrator feels about this person.

I'm also not sure about the end - it feels like the narrator is saying this relationship is doomed, but from what I read it sounds like the feelings are mutual? So I'm not sure where this tension arises from, unless it's the narrator's own insecurities. Which I guess is fine, thinking about that again. Maybe it's just that the insecurities should be mentioned further down in the poem, closer to the end, so that it ties together more clearly.

Hello ScarredSecrets! c: Cat here for a quick review! Let's get started then, shall we?

Clarity
You got your point across really nicely, and after a second read through, it was perfect! Most poems are supposed to be read through more than once anyways. There are a couple places where you were beating around the bush, but you reeled yourself back in really quickly, so I won't pound you there.

Flow
I adore rhyming poems, mostly because I can't ever seem to do them well myself, but your rhyme scheme was a little inconsistent at the beginning. I however don't see what you were talking about with the rhyme at the end. I think it ends off very nicely!

Imagery
Imagery, I do have to say, is a little weak at points, but I don't feel compelled to tell you to add any. I think it has it's own weird way off marrying small imagery and more descriptive parts. The thing I love about strong imagery is that I can vividly see a picture in the poem, so I guess a little wouldn't hurt? I'd suggest adding metaphors and other imagery devices if you feel like adding any.

Emotion
Emotion is a little weak, especially in a poem like this that has the potential to have a lot of emotion poured into it. I'm not sure how to advise you to add more, but maybe add more of your thoughts and feelings? Those can add a lot of personal emotion in.

Specific line thoughts
There were a couple lines that felt a bit awkward and I wanted to show you them quickly.

Behind the laugh, forever rain

Watch her with her dog and seems

nothing but playful

Honesty is like a wishing well