z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Last Hope~ Chapter Two

by kathrynrid


Zoey stared at Samantha puzzled as her friend pondered on the missing book.

"So, what did they say?" Zoey asked.

"Uh... they still have it..."

We were the loudest kids on the bus. We talked on and on about the book. Why did someone make a book about me? Zoey still clung to the conclusion that I was famous. How did it end up back at the library when it's suppose to be in my backpack? Our bus soon arrived at my house. We squished through a crowd of excited kids and finally got off the crazy bus. I had a huge white house. It kind of had a country style to it. A country star hung up above the red door. It was tall and slim with tons of windows. It had a porch with a country style rocking chair in the corner. I took out my keys and entered the living room. Our living room wasn't like the outside. It hardly had anything country. We had a big flat screen TV hanging above the fireplace with three black plush couches surrounding it.

"Let's go up to your room," Zoey insisted.

We ran up the small fleet of stairs and went into my room. I didn't have much furniture in my tiny bedroom. All I really had was my soft bed that had sleek black railing and my big wooden wardrobe. Me and Zoey hopped on the bed and chattered on and on. We made plans for reading the book in the library next week, since it didn't seem to want to come out. We suddenly heard a crash downstairs that sounded like glass. We didn't have any animals and no one was in our house... or were we wrong? I looked at Zoey to see if I was just paranoid. It was obvious that she had heard it as well. She pulled her hand out of her pocket and started chewing nervously on her short fingernail. I almost screamed in fear when I heard a male voice as well as more glass.

"Jack, hurry up! We need to find that ring and kill the story teller!", one of the voices yelled.

"I'm hurrying! I'm hurrying!"

"Her name's Samantha, right?"

After I heard them say my name, I started really panicking. I mean, if two thieves just randomly knew your name, you would probably be really freaking out.

"Zoey, we need to get out of here!" I yelled.



I skimmed my bedroom. There was no way of escape, unless....

"The window!" I exclaimed. "But it's way to high from the ground!"

"I have an idea!", Zoey replied.

Zoey leaped off of the bed and over to the wardrobe. She opened it and threw all my clothes onto the floor. She bent down and started tying them together. Her hands were quick but shaky. She looked like she needed some help. I bent down next to her and started tying the clothes together to make a rope long enough to reach the ground. It was a dumb idea, but it was our only chance. Zoey examined the rope.

"This should be long enough," Zoey said.

She grabbed one end and tried it to the foot of my wardrobe. I dropped the other end out the window. Thankfully, it reached the ground. I held on to the rope as I climbed over the window seal. It was tight, but I was determined to get through it. The rest was pretty easy, but it was also terrifying. All I really had to do was slide down the rope. The rope could brake and that wouldn't be good. I finally reached the ground and I let out a sigh of relief. Zoey slid down the rope after me. I watched her as I chewed on my thumb nail. We ran over to our bikes, sweat poring down our faces. We picked them up from the driveway, leaped on them, and sped down the road. We didn't look back. We didn't care where we ended up as long as we went somewhere than here. Our legs ached and the sun started to go down, making our sweaty faces shine. Suddenly, my aqua ring, which I've had since I can remember, started glowing. I gasped and I could feel my bike wobbling.

"Zoey!" I shrieked.

All she could do is stare in awe. A bright blue light came out of it and went in front of us. I didn't know what it was, but I had a feeling we should follow it.

"Follow that really weird light!", I exclaimed.

The light flew down streets and past buildings. It took us the rest of the day to get to where it was wanting us to go. It led us to a small old house on the left side of town. By the time we had gotten there, we could hardly breathe and sweat soaked our clothes. Our legs ached and our feet burned with calluses. We stepped off of our bikes and stumbled to the door. This house wasn't a pretty sight. The grass grew up long and tall. The driveway was all crumbly and rocky. The white paint was peeling off the house. A lopsided sign written with red crayon on blue construction paper hung on the door with gray stick tape. It said, "Mallory lives here. STAY OUT IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YA!!!" Even though the house was a little creepy, I wasn't going to give up. We had went so far and we couldn't turn back.

"Is this your aunt's house? I think she's got mental issues," Zoey said.

"Don't be mean, Zoey. I bet she's nice.... even though she had hardly spoken to Mom or Dad since I was born. I bet she is just having some... um.... well, maybe she's just a little paranoid, that's all," I explained.

"Whatever you say."

I pressed down the button to the doorbell. All the lights went off and I saw two almond eyes peek at us through the shutters. After a few minutes of waiting, a woman greeted us at the door. She had naturally wavy brown hair and almond eyes, just like the pair I saw in the window. She had on a white shirt, a black sweater, jeans, black heal boots, and round gold earrings.

"Hi, I'm Mallory. Who are you?"

"I'm your niece, Samantha, and this is my best friend, Zoey," I replied.

"Oh, yes. I met you when you were born. Come in."

Before we could even answer, Mallory grabbed our arms and dragged us inside. The inside was nothing like the outside. Her living room was very neat and tidy. The walls were covered in a white floral wallpaper. Two white sofas were on both sides of a brown table on the left side of the room. A white delicate cloth was lying in the center of the table. Sitting on the cloth was a pink pot with two roses. When Mallory shut the door, I realized that there was a row of locks all the way up and down the door. She had to lock all of them before she spoke to us.

"So, what are you two girls doing here today?", she asked.

"Well, a really scary blue light led us here. It came out of her ring," Zoey explained.

Mallory reached down, grabbed my hand, and examined the ring.

"So, I suspect you found a strange book in the library," she mumbled, sounding nervous.

"Yep, and someone broke into our house," I added.

"Whoa. Someone broke into your house?", Mallory replied.

"Yeah. I have a feeling there's something that book is keeping from us. I can't go home. I have a feeling that if I find out that book's secret, that those men will disappear. I need to get back into the library. Sounds dumb, right?"

"No, not at all! I'll help you. I have a key to get into the library since I work there," Mallory replied. "Let's go."

I reached for the first lock on the door when Mallory slapped my hand down.

"No. Let's use the back entrance."

Zoey and I shrugged and followed Mallory. It was nighttime and the stars sparkled in the sky. Mallory's yard was surrounded by a fence.

"C'mon. We'll climb," Mallory said.

"But-"

"No questions. Just do it," Mallory snapped.

She skillfully climbed over the fence in no time at all. Zoey and I had tons of trouble even getting our feet into the little holes in between each wire. We finally got over it and Mallory shoved us towards her small car.

"Hurry, get in."

Once we were all in, she locked the car doors. I suddenly saw a shadow pass through the headlights.

"Wait! I saw something... or someone."

Zoey stared at Samantha puzzled as her friend pondered on the missing book.

"So, what did they say?" Zoey asked.

"Uh... they still have it..."

We were the loudest kids on the bus. We talked on and on about the book. Why did someone make a book about me? Zoey still clung to the conclusion that I was famous. How did it end up back at the library when it's suppose to be in my backpack? Our bus soon arrived at my house. We squished through a crowd of excited kids and finally got off the crazy bus. I had a huge white house. It kind of had a country style to it. A country star hung up above the red door. It was tall and slim with tons of windows. It had a porch with a country style rocking chair in the corner. I took out my keys and entered the living room. Our living room wasn't like the outside. It hardly had anything country. We had a big flat screen TV hanging above the fireplace with three black plush couches surrounding it.

"Let's go up to your room," Zoey insisted.

We ran up the small fleet of stairs and went into my room. I didn't have much furniture in my tiny bedroom. All I really had was my soft bed that had sleek black railing and my big wooden wardrobe. Me and Zoey hopped on the bed and chattered on and on. We made plans for reading the book in the library next week, since it didn't seem to want to come out. We suddenly heard a crash downstairs that sounded like glass. We didn't have any animals and no one was in our house... or were we wrong? I looked at Zoey to see if I was just paranoid. It was obvious that she had heard it as well. She pulled her hand out of her pocket and started chewing nervously on her short fingernail. I almost screamed in fear when I heard a male voice as well as more glass.

"Jack, hurry up! We need to find that ring and kill the story teller!", one of the voices yelled.

"I'm hurrying! I'm hurrying!"

"Her name's Samantha, right?"

After I heard them say my name, I started really panicking. I mean, if two thieves just randomly knew your name, you would probably be really freaking out.

"Zoey, we need to get out of here!" I yelled.



I skimmed my bedroom. There was no way of escape, unless....

"The window!" I exclaimed. "But it's way to high from the ground!"

"I have an idea!", Zoey replied.

Zoey leaped off of the bed and over to the wardrobe. She opened it and threw all my clothes onto the floor. She bent down and started tying them together. Her hands were quick but shaky. She looked like she needed some help. I bent down next to her and started tying the clothes together to make a rope long enough to reach the ground. It was a dumb idea, but it was our only chance. Zoey examined the rope.

"This should be long enough," Zoey said.

She grabbed one end and tried it to the foot of my wardrobe. I dropped the other end out the window. Thankfully, it reached the ground. I held on to the rope as I climbed over the window seal. It was tight, but I was determined to get through it. The rest was pretty easy, but it was also terrifying. All I really had to do was slide down the rope. The rope could brake and that wouldn't be good. I finally reached the ground and I let out a sigh of relief. Zoey slid down the rope after me. I watched her as I chewed on my thumb nail. We ran over to our bikes, sweat poring down our faces. We picked them up from the driveway, leaped on them, and sped down the road. We didn't look back. We didn't care where we ended up as long as we went somewhere than here. Our legs ached and the sun started to go down, making our sweaty faces shine. Suddenly, my aqua ring, which I've had since I can remember, started glowing. I gasped and I could feel my bike wobbling.

"Zoey!" I shrieked.

All she could do is stare in awe. A bright blue light came out of it and went in front of us. I didn't know what it was, but I had a feeling we should follow it.

"Follow that really weird light!", I exclaimed.

The light flew down streets and past buildings. It took us the rest of the day to get to where it was wanting us to go. It led us to a small old house on the left side of town. By the time we had gotten there, we could hardly breathe and sweat soaked our clothes. Our legs ached and our feet burned with calluses. We stepped off of our bikes and stumbled to the door. This house wasn't a pretty sight. The grass grew up long and tall. The driveway was all crumbly and rocky. The white paint was peeling off the house. A lopsided sign written with red crayon on blue construction paper hung on the door with gray stick tape. It said, "Mallory lives here. STAY OUT IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YA!!!" Even though the house was a little creepy, I wasn't going to give up. We had went so far and we couldn't turn back.

"Is this your aunt's house? I think she's got mental issues," Zoey said.

"Don't be mean, Zoey. I bet she's nice.... even though she had hardly spoken to Mom or Dad since I was born. I bet she is just having some... um.... well, maybe she's just a little paranoid, that's all," I explained.

"Whatever you say."

I pressed down the button to the doorbell. All the lights went off and I saw two almond eyes peek at us through the shutters. After a few minutes of waiting, a woman greeted us at the door. She had naturally wavy brown hair and almond eyes, just like the pair I saw in the window. She had on a white shirt, a black sweater, jeans, black heal boots, and round gold earrings.

"Hi, I'm Mallory. Who are you?"

"I'm your niece, Samantha, and this is my best friend, Zoey," I replied.

"Oh, yes. I met you when you were born. Come in."

Before we could even answer, Mallory grabbed our arms and dragged us inside. The inside was nothing like the outside. Her living room was very neat and tidy. The walls were covered in a white floral wallpaper. Two white sofas were on both sides of a brown table on the left side of the room. A white delicate cloth was lying in the center of the table. Sitting on the cloth was a pink pot with two roses. When Mallory shut the door, I realized that there was a row of locks all the way up and down the door. She had to lock all of them before she spoke to us.

"So, what are you two girls doing here today?", she asked.

"Well, a really scary blue light led us here. It came out of her ring," Zoey explained.

Mallory reached down, grabbed my hand, and examined the ring.

"So, I suspect you found a strange book in the library," she mumbled, sounding nervous.

"Yep, and someone broke into our house," I added.

"Whoa. Someone broke into your house?", Mallory replied.

"Yeah. I have a feeling there's something that book is keeping from us. I can't go home. I have a feeling that if I find out that book's secret, that those men will disappear. I need to get back into the library. Sounds dumb, right?"

"No, not at all! I'll help you. I have a key to get into the library since I work there," Mallory replied. "Let's go."

I reached for the first lock on the door when Mallory slapped my hand down.

"No. Let's use the back entrance."

Zoey and I shrugged and followed Mallory. It was nighttime and the stars sparkled in the sky. Mallory's yard was surrounded by a fence.

"C'mon. We'll climb," Mallory said.

"But-"

"No questions. Just do it," Mallory snapped.

She skillfully climbed over the fence in no time at all. Zoey and I had tons of trouble even getting our feet into the little holes in between each wire. We finally got over it and Mallory shoved us towards her small car.

"Hurry, get in."

Once we were all in, she locked the car doors. I suddenly saw a shadow pass through the headlights.

"Wait! I saw something... or someone."


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47 Reviews


Points: 574
Reviews: 47

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Tue Mar 20, 2018 1:13 am
SubSubLibrarian wrote a review...



So, I just read chapter one and I really liked it. The plot line is great so far, but it seems like your getting a little ahead of yourself. I know, it takes time to fix things like this, but don't stress it. Most authors have to rewrite and revise several times before their books are actually ready to publish. I just have a few pointers for you.
First of all, I think you need to slow down. They got out of school at about 3? 3:30? Then, in a short period of time, the stars are out and night has fallen completely. How long did it take them to get to her house? Also, how did they get to her house? And how long did it take them to get to her aunt's house. Description would really help with controlling the speed. There were also the continued dialogue punctuation problems. The plot continues to thicken. It would really be nice to have more description so the readers can kind of savor the story.
Now I see where last chapter's introduction came in, but it was a little confusing. I'm not sure how you could fix that though. I really love your story so far, but you could definitely give it more substance.
Keep writing! Good luck!




kathrynrid says...


Thanks so much! : )



kathrynrid says...


Oh, I forgot to mention. They actually do library at the end of Library Day.



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Sat Mar 17, 2018 10:33 am
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I thought I'd drop by for a quick review today. I read chapter one and now I'm going to review this chapter. :D

This is such a cute story! I think my favorite part about it is the characters and their enthusiasm and resourcefulness. All of what's happening to them is crazy and they're definitely questioning it, but they're also up for the challenge.

A couple things:

The whole way home, we talked about the book. I had millions of questions in my mind that I desperately needed answers to.

What did they say? What were some of their theories? I think it'd be a pretty big deal if a book about my life was randomly in a library, and I'd have so many theories. I think if you showed us what her questions are and what their theories were, it would help us see what kind of people your characters are and also let the reader start thinking of ideas as well.

I was also surprised that Sam didn't want to read the book that apparently tells her story when she was at the library - if I were in that situation, I'd definitely want to know what it said about me, even though it's super creepy.

"Jack, hurry up! We need to find that ring and kill the story teller!", one of the voices yelled.

This is really sudden, and I think you could let there be a little more time for it to sink in before Sam and the others spring into action. Something about Sam realizing that she must be the storyteller, or at least show her thinking "These guys want to kill someone, probably me, maybe because of the ring and the book. We have to get out." In general, if you show more of Sam's direct thoughts, it'd help make what she says and does seem a big more logical. Sometimes, it took me a minute to understand why she did or said something.

The other thing I liked was how you introduced Mallory and her quirks - she's definitely an interesting character and a bit of a twist on the mentor role. I like it. :D She definitely knows more about all of this than she's said so far, and I can't wait to find out what.

And I think I'll leave it at that! Overall, a really interesting story so far - I really have no idea where you're going to go with the plot from here, but I'm eager to find out! Good luck with this, and keep writing!




kathrynrid says...


Wow! Thanks so much for taking your time to review! Chapter two, three, and four are actually out. : )



Mea says...


I'll be sure to review them tomorrow, then! :D



kathrynrid says...


Awesome! : )



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Fri Mar 16, 2018 3:40 pm
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Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing the second chapter. I like how the action is held steady by the need to find out about that mysterious book which now seems to be connected to a mysterious ring which suddenly begins to glow on Samantha’s finger. I wondered why she believes that its light should be followed. I find the Mallory character especially entertaining due to her unpredictability. You know, like choosing to climb the fence instead of taking the normal route. Imagine the neighbors seeing that from their living room windows. LOL!

Suggestions:

The chapter needs a more gradual intro that links back to the first but which eases the reader back to the story.

For example:

Zoey stared at Samantha as her friend sat silently fuming about having left the book back at the Library.

So, what did they say?", she Zoey asked. [The question itself shows that she is curious.]

Describing briefly what the voices said would explain why she said they were thieves.

So, what did they say?", [she] Zoey asked.

....around objects that could hold our weight. [Too vague. “Around the radiator pipes” would be better.]

[....our] bikes....

....never hardly spoke.... [....ever hardly spoken....]

doomed right now [....right then.]

It was night and the stars.... [Remove the word “now”.... ] to stay in the past tense.

....at me and Zoey. [....at us.] For word economy and to reduce the number of times their names are used.

[Its] lawn needed to be....

....[our] bikes....

....the [makeshift] rope....
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/makeshift

The ending of this chapter is very good since it leaves the reader with the need to see what it is that passed thorough the headlights.

Interesting story. Looking forward to reading more.




kathrynrid says...


Wow! Thanks so much! : D Yeah, I would be surprised to see my neighbors climbing feces at nighttime. XD



kathrynrid says...


Fixed! : D



kathrynrid says...


Chapter four is out! Thanks so much for the donation!! : D



Radrook says...


I must have missed chapter three then. Have to catch up!



kathrynrid says...


Yep! : )




All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.
— Jane Wagner