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Thy Kingdom Come

by LeutnantSchweinehund

Life's been taking an odd turn lately. Not necessarily bad. But as I plead to God for guidance, I remembered those days when I had not yet found my faith, and more so have I remembered the path that took me here. This is that path. This is how I found my faith. Though I have sinned, as we all do, I pray that God's grace may find me still.
By the way, "tears" is meant in the sense, to be torn. Not tears of sadness, for example.

Thy Kingdom Come

Hilltop high and years gone by,
and there the shepherd lost.
Twisted by words faithless, wry,
and snares of bitter frost.

Through faith of man,
Thy kingdom come.
Through precious lamb,
Thy will be done.

I have through many trials and pains,
prayed helpless by your throne.
And grace of God that severs chains,
has freed my heart of stone.

Through will of God,
let justice reign.
Through sin of man,
let there be pain.

My soul has crawled through one great waste,
and brought for faithless glares.
With grace of God, though, I am faced,
to heal my wounds and tears.

Through pain of man,
let freedom rise.
Thou shalt none damn,
to great demise.

My heart shall not be free of sin,
for God I did deceive.
Yet I hear calls, still soft and thin,
to charity receive.

For freedom praised,
He died below.
The cross was raised,
to grace bestow.

Praise the Lord, for I am saved,
a blind man a-mong sheep.
Though better blind and not enslaved,
so my faith I may keep.

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7 Reviews

Points: 87
Reviews: 7

Fri Mar 16, 2018 12:59 pm
Daenyss wrote a review...

Okay, this is honestly a beautiful poem! As a Christian myself, I love how true and solid this poem is.

Now to the review part. As beautiful as this poem is, I noticed that most of it was written in a meter that connected to syllables. However, there were several lines that didn't fit this meter and threw off the flow of the poem. I went back and tried to reread the lines multiple ways, but I just couldn't make the syllables work. In the future, I would suggest maybe rereading the poem several times just to make sure the meter flows in exactly the way you want it to.

Also, sometimes your lines flow by faster than I would want. It's like you're walking through a garden and admiring the flowers, and then all of a sudden you're sprinting through it. One example of this is "Praise the Lord, for I am saved,/a blind man among sheep." The last line seems to race by, and also defy the meter. It seems that the first syllable in "among" should be stressed, but there also needs to be a way to slow down the line. I would recommend possibly taking a leaf out of Shakespeare's book and adding a hyphen there, making the line "Praise the Lord, for I am saved,/a blind man a-mong sheep." The pause created by the hyphen divides the syllables, provides a pause, and also hints at the stress of syllable required to help the meter flow.

I hope this helps a little bit, and this is just my point of view, so remember to take it with a grain of salt and maintain your style above all! Great job spreading the love of Christ to all.

Huh. True that. Now that I look at it, there are a few meter breaks indeed! I'll have to fix that, definitely. Thanks for pointing it out. I feel a tad embarrassed for not noticing that earlier!

If you look at another one of my works, "The Teal Knight," you'll see that indeed, fast pace is a problem with my work. I quite often rush these poems and make them sound too lyrical at times. Been fighting myself to make longer lines and such, but I'll be damned if it isn't hard!

I'm very much grateful for your review. Taking it all into account for some future works! God bless, my friend!

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18 Reviews

Points: 510
Reviews: 18

Thu Mar 15, 2018 3:14 pm
thedumbbrunette00 wrote a review...

Okay, I honestly LOVE this! It reminds me of something John Keats or other Romantic poets would write and that's beautiful! So much better than some other poetry I've read in the past!

The second stanza confuses me slightly, however, the lines "through faith of man," and "through precious lamb" seem a little out of place. Especially the "precious lamb" line. I feel as though the "through" might be the problem with the second line, because I think it would flow smoother if it was "through faith of man, his precious lamb" the his obviously being God or Jesus.

Honestly, that's it, because the rest of this poem is damn brilliant and I cannot wait to read more!

Best of Luck!

<3 Thedumbbrunette

Well that's quite flattering, actually. Thank you!

Alright, I'll look at that line and see if there's anything I could replace or change a bit. I'll play around with it. Originally, the "precious lamb" part was meant to just refer to Israelites sacrificing lambs, but the thought of the lamb representing Christ himself sounds a lot nicer!

Thank you!

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501 Reviews

Points: 4824
Reviews: 501

Wed Mar 14, 2018 2:30 am
Radrook says...

Thanks for sharing this poem concerning the Christian faith in the saving power of Christ's Ransom sacrifice which was given for the forgiveness of our sins.

Romans 4:25 ►
New International Version
He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.

Indeed. To be saved despite the crimes we've committed is quite astonishing. Baffles me to this day!

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15 Reviews

Points: 6
Reviews: 15

Wed Mar 14, 2018 2:11 am
Archangel wrote a review...

In your first stanza, you said 'Shepherd lost', and Jesus is known as the Shepherd. He never lost. Yes, he was crucified, but he never lost. Also, you talk about him being twisted by the world's actions. I wouldn't say twisted. Sad, sorrowful? Yes. I'd try different wording. Moreso if you aren't talking about our Savoir and about yourself.

In the third, you talk about pleading at God's throne helpless. We are never helpless. It may seem so but that's just when we need to repent sincerely and wipe Satin's mist from our eyes.

Other than that I found it quite enjoyable and refreshing after a long day at my high school where Satin has a stronger influence on any teenager. If you wrote this with your heart, keep it up. That's what I think a true writer is: someone who writes from within.

Yes, it referred to me. I try to guide others, yet I myself am lost in heart. Or I was, at least. Before God's grace found me.

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412 Reviews

Points: 325
Reviews: 412

Wed Mar 14, 2018 12:21 am
Rascalover wrote a review...

This poem reminds me of my own journey to faith! I really enjoyed this because, even though, it's a harder topic to talk about and has a deeper meaning, it really sounds very whimsical. I'm sorry to say I don't really have any corrections that need to be made. I really enjoy this as it is. My favorite line is, "And grace of God that severs chains,/ has freed my heart of stone."
thanks for the great read, and if you need anything else let me know!

Thank you. The road to faith was not an easy one, and it's still tested to this very day, but in the end, it was most definitely worth it.

Maybe we're all just complex human beings with skewed perceptions of each other.
— Ventomology