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How Was Your Day? - Chapter 26.3

by Querencia


Finnley hesitated. The idea of running away from everything had a certain allure, like some sort of cure-all that would magic away his problems. But he knew real magic now, and it didn't work like that. He knew real life couldn't work like that either. Bracing himself, he said, “No, Mom. We can’t just leave Mia.”

“It’s not like her parents are going to let you come over while she’s sleeping anyway,” she replied, but her eyes flickered for a moment. As if she didn't believe herself.

This wasn't the first time she’d wanted to uproot when she was faced with things she couldn't deal with. She had moved here when his sister died, had moved just after his father died, way back when Finnley was small. Now, with the appearance of monsters and magic, she seemed ready to take flight again. Finnley thought that even if they left for a few days, it would be like betraying Mia after all they'd been through.

“We need to stay here, Mom,” Finnley repeated firmly, and this time, he meant more than just the roadtrip. “There is never a place where we can be entirely safe. And… I think that magic will continue to follow me now, wherever I go. I need Mr. Vaughn to teach me about it. There’s so much I could do if I knew enough. I have Mia and Monica, and I haven’t been able to make friends in years.” He was playing to her soft spots, and they both knew it, but that didn’t change the fact that it was true.

Her eyes drifted towards the window, as if she could see Mia’s house from here. As if she could see into the future. Then she pulled her gaze back in, looking around at the house. Finnley knew that she loved it — knew how hard she’d worked for it. “Alright,” she said, “so we stay here.” Finnley moved from his chair to the sofa where his mother was sitting and leaned his head against her shoulder. She sighed and leaned back against him. After a moment like that, Finnley got up and cleared the table, then grabbed his rabbit and headed upstairs.

“Finnley, wait,” his mom said. He turned, and saw her sitting there on the couch, looking so alone. “Want to sleep on the couch tonight? Like you did when you were little. We used to build pillow forts and fall asleep in them…”

“You need to get some sleep of your own, Mom,” he told her, trying to be kind. “Preferably in your own bed. It's been a long day.” The last words sounded empty to his own ears after having said them so often already. Long day was an understatement.

His mom nodded, and he retreated upstairs to his own room, closing the door with the softest of clicks. He waited for a few minutes with quiet breaths, listening. Then, finally, he heard his mother’s slow footsteps climbing back up the stairs, which groaned beneath the wait of her cares. “Goodnight,” he called. She didn't reply.

Finnley sat in bed for a long time, stroking his rabbit, thinking things through. He got up when he couldn't stand the stillness anymore and crossed the room to his pin board. The words “Ghosts — past and present — sister” with “mysteries within mysteries” written just below glared at Finnley. He unpinned the paper and grabbed a new note sheet and a pen, which he flipped between his fingers so that the ends tapped the table in turn. Rory glanced up at the noise, and Finnley stopped the motion.

There was something strange to it all. The ideas of there being something strange about a situation involving monsters and magic made Finnley want to burst out laughing, only he felt that there really had to be something more.

Something was nagging him about what Mr. Vaughn had said. Magical influence? Had Mr. Vaughn used magical influence? Did the horse have magical influence? And there was another thing. Something about returning it to its normal state.

Finnley scrawled “normal state” and “magical influence” on the paper and reached for his spell book. The creature that had taken Allie’s shape seemed to have been around for years, according to Mia’s story. There was that dragon-like demon, made of smoke and ashes. Fred had tracked it down, had captured it and killed it. He'd even used some magic to do it. But this… this was different. It was almost like Mr. Vaughn had disenchanted a horse.

Finnley sat upright at the thought. He pictured enchanting an object, how he would write the spell, how it would feel to sustain it and cut it off. Was there some sort of counter spell that another magician could use, negate the effects of the first?

Finnley’s heart began to thump hard in his chest. If that was true, then the horse could've been a real horse, something another magician had placed a spell on. It would have to be so intensely complex… But if Mr. Vaughn had said what Finnley thought he said, then it made sense.

Finnley worked to still his shaking hand as he grabbed another piece of paper and drew out a spell. It was a “pretty spell” — or at least, that was Finnley’s term for it. It didn't do much, and it was a single spurt of energy, not continuous. The spell was accordingly far too flowery for his liking, but it worked, and the paper turned a faint shade of blue as Finnley activated the spell.

Now, to counter it. Finnley looked through his spell book, but it didn't say anything like this. He could make a spell to turn the paper white, but his two spells would then have to fight it out. He could only imagine it would be worse with the original spell written by a different magician, and he didn't think that it was a battle of strength. Finnley could destroy the paper or prevent it from being creased or end his initial spell, but none of this were in the least bit helpful. His head sank forward onto his desk, where he fell asleep for the rest of the night. 


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Sun Mar 25, 2018 8:11 am
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Panikos wrote a review...



Hiya, Querencia! Let's see if I can get completely up to date with this novel before the end of Review Day! It's been a long time coming.

The idea of running away from everything had a certain allure, like some sort of cure-all that would magic away his problems.


This does seem a bit contrary to what he said in the last part, when he said he didn't think he would ever be able to leave. I'm also not quite sure that the cure-all simile works, because I feel like Finnley is too weary and too realistic to think even momentarily that running away would fix everything. At best it would be like turning the static up on a radio until you can't hear anything else.

Finnley thought that even if they left for a few days, it would be like betraying Mia after all they'd been through.


Maybe you could draw on the prospect of Mia waking up and wanting to see him? Even if it's unlikely, Finnley would probably want to be there just in case. If Mia woke up and while he was jetting off into the sunset for a roadtrip, he'd feel so guilty.

Then she pulled her gaze back in, looking around at the house. Finnley knew that she loved it — knew how hard she’d worked for it. “Alright,” she said, “so we stay here.”


I definitely feel like there should be more conflict about this. One of the bigger flaws with this novel as a whole is that I don't buy Mrs Bale's lack of terror. After this and everything else, I think it would take way, way more to convince her to stay here. Finnley is literally the only family she has left; I'd expect her to be overprotective, more than anything.

In future drafts, I think it would be good to give Mrs Bale her own motivation to stay in the town. Maybe draw on the Allie plotline more? I don't know what kind of stuff Monica is going to tell them about Allie, but if Mrs Bale knew that she had news about her, she might want to stay for that. I don't know. I just think you need something, one way or another.

“Finnley, wait,” his mom said. He turned, and saw her sitting there on the couch, looking so alone. “Want to sleep on the couch tonight? Like you did when you were little. We used to build pillow forts and fall asleep in them…”


This is such a sweet and forlorn moment. Why didn't you build forts with her, Finnley!? She clearly doesn't want to be on her own!

If that was true, then the horse could've been a real horse, something another magician had placed a spell on.


Oh-oh. Now I'm intrigued. Is there some kind of adversary out there? Maybe someone with a bone to pick with the Harts?

It's not a specific point, but I feel like the magical stuff at the end, while interesting, crops up a bit out of nowhere. It doesn't feel like you segue into it that cleanly. Maybe it's because, up until that moment, we haven't had any indication that Mr Vaughn's explanation has been nagging at Finnley. To clarify, I don't think you should delete that section, because it does set up a lot of interesting questions, but I think you could find a better entry point to it all. Even if it's just that Finnley, unable to sleep, tries to distract himself by reading about magic, and by doing that he starts wondering how Mr Vaughn took care of the horse. It could just be simple.

Overall, the chapter is pretty good, and it's definitely helped by an interesting end that poses some new questions. However, for me, it doesn't hold that Mrs Bale wouldn't be so calm about not leaving. I think any mother - especially a mother who's already lost her daughter and (presumably) husband - would be almost out of her mind with fear and want to get as far away from the danger as possible. As I said earlier, I feel like Mrs Bale needs her own reason to want to stay. Otherwise you need to have a lot more conflict between her and Finnley on the issue.

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




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Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:38 am
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BlueAfrica wrote a review...



MRS BALE MY HEART

Omg I was so sad for her when she was like "do you want to sleep on the couch and we can make a fort like we did when you were little..." like this woman is trying so hard to run away from her problems even though she can't and tbh I think she could have a clear character arc based on this in later drafts. You know, she starts off constantly trying to deal with problems and trauma by dropping everything and running off somewhere new, which is really hard on Finnley even though he feels like she's got it all together. And then as the story progresses she has to stop running away, so she tries dealing with things differently - here it's almost like regression, because she's trying to bring back something from a happier time in the past - and then eventually she just starts actually dealing with things.

Or, tragically, she could not, and Finnley would just have to keep being the mature one. It kind of depends how dark you want things to go. Obviously the story, especially the end, will be a bit happier if Mrs. Bale learns to deal with things and stops running away and becomes stronger (emotionally), but if she fails to learn that then she'll probably a bit ashamed at the end when Finnley has dealt with everything himself and he might be a tiny bit resentful.

Which at this point is something you could even think about while moving forward in this draft (if you weren't already), but if you don't want to or if you forget, I think it would be great to incorporate this more thoughtfully into future drafts. Plus it's a really interesting character arc, because Mrs. Bale seems like this strong mom, but then when you realize that she uprooted their lives and moved them here because of Allie's death, and then she suggests this road trip in the middle of things...you realize she's not as strong as she seems, which is a bit sad.




Querencia says...


Thanks! That gives me a lot to think about. :) May I ask what you thought of the last few paragraphs? Those were the ones I was feeling sort of sketchy about.



BlueAfrica says...


I liked seeing Finnley try to logic through the problem and how he used a "pretty spell" as an experiment. It was interesting to see all the different things he could do to the original spell/paper, but none of them were the one he wanted. I think the only thing that sort of fell flat for me at the end was him falling asleep, only because I didn't feel the passage of time or this build-up of exhaustion as he experimented. You don't have to dramatize everything he does to the paper, but if you focus on how he feels as he does it - his eyes are itchy, his head feels heavy, whatever - then when he falls asleep it won't feel so out of nowhere.



Querencia says...


Alright, thank you! c:




You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.
— Joyce Meyer