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Joker Missed - Agitated - Chapter 5

by Archangel


Last time

(Y/N) POV

In the matter of a few minutes, we pull into 'The Company's' main HQ. We jump out and start unloading all my stuff to be taken up to my old apartment. I look around after I settled in and sighed in relief. The same as ever. Then I see Val and a few other people playing Champion. I smile. My favorite game.

"Hey! Mind if I join in?" I call out to them, and they wave me over.

'It is good to be home.'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joker POV

Thane gets a call from one of the boys going after (Y/N). By the look on his face, it bad news. I hate bad news. Unless I cause it. Moreover, it effects Gotham, not me. Thane takes a deep breath and turns to me.

"It is not good Mr.J." I look at him waiting for an explanation. He squares his shoulders and tells me,

"All four cars had their tires popped. Someone in a mask shot them. The boys believe that the shooter was (Y/N)." I turn around.

'WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFICULT!?' I need to get her. I enjoy a chase, but this is getting ridiculous. I get up to take a shower and cool down. However, before I go,

"Do they know where she went? Alternatively, the direction she was headed?"

"They saw the direction she went, but there are many possibilities she could have gone to. We are waiting to see if the tracker they through at the vehicle latched on and if it will work. It is one of the prototypes." I left the room.

"Good. Keep me posted."

"Yes, Sir." The shower did me some good, but not entirely. She was still on my mind. How did I know her? Why did she seem so familiar? I hear pounding footprints heading to my door, and I yank up my pants and zip them up. The next one to see underneath these pants will be (Y/N). I am determined to make it so.

-knock knock knock-

"Come in." Thane opens the door and holds out his hand.

"Two things. One: This came in for you. Two." Thane smiled widely.

"We found her." I smile. Taking the package, I tell him,

"I do not care how you do it but get her here ASAP. I want her unscathed. She WILL be mine." Thane nods and leaves the room quietly. I open the package carefully and take out the contents. Inside was Harley's 'Puddin' collar and a card.

'Mistah J,

I wish I could be there to tell you face to face but, I am not, and with what I am about to tell you, it would probably be best to tell you this way. You would hurt or kill Deadshot or me otherwise. I am no longer yours. Deadshot proposed to me, and I said yes. He is treating me better than you did when you were mad. When he is mad, he leaves the room where you would punish me or something along those lines. You still have a special place in my heart because without you I would never have become the true me or met Deadshot.

When you find the one who makes your heart pound no matter what's going on, treat her right, as if she was a treasure that no one could replace and will diminish if not taken care of. It may seem impossible, but I know that there is someone out there for you, willing to love everything about and help you when needed.

Good luck,

Harley.'

I drop the card.

'She is... Marring... Deadshot?' I curl my hands into fists. Then I exhale. She was right. I wanted to hurt them. Both of them. Deadshot for taking her away from me, and Harley for leaving me for him, I guy she barely knew! I made her who she is! I wonder if I will ever be able to be around them without wanting to ruin their lives.

'So, what is next for me?'


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Sun Mar 25, 2018 1:46 am
Evander wrote a review...



Hello! I'm here for another quick review!

it bad news.

*it's, not it.

"It is not good Mr.J."

In all the Batman media I've consumed, I can only remember Harley Quinn calling the Joker "Mr. J" or "Mistah J" or any variants thereof. I don't think a goon would be allowed to call him that.
Also, there should be a space between "Mr." and "J".

All four cars had their tires popped.

Alright, so I'm fairly certain that a car can keep on driving with a flat tire! It's ridiculously dangerous and not at all good for the car, but I highly doubt that the Joker's goons would care about that. They're on orders to complete a mission, not care about the safety of the car. In addition to that thought, the previous chapter only showed Macy firing the gun four times. That can be an annoyance, but I don't believe that it can incapacitate them.

Here's a question I should have asked last chapter: Why weren't there other cars on the road? Surely Val and the Joker's goons would have been dodging the other poor cars caught up in the hullabaloo. I'm pretty sure the other drivers wouldn't be experiencing fahrvergn├╝gen. Speeding is dangerous.

'WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFICULT!?'

This is a stylistic choice on my end, but I prefer to showcase thoughts in italics. Single quotation marks only make me think of dialogue (given that some Brits use single quotation marks instead of double quotation marks), meanwhile italics are very clearly associated with thought. Italics also flows smoothly and is easier on the eyes in terms of comprehension.

You don't have to change it, though! It's just a stylistic choice.

We are waiting to see if the tracker they through at the vehicle latched on and if it will work.

"[T]hrough" should be "threw".
I can't remember anything in the previous chapter talking about a tracker. How did they get it on there? They threw it? Wouldn't it be difficult to throw something onto a moving vehicle that's ahead of you and speeding? Why did Val or Macy notice the tracker? I'm not entirely certain how that's supposed to work.

Is this work supposed to be in the past tense or the present tense? It switches around in the dialogue and in Joker's thought process which makes it hard to tell. I think either tense could work for this story, but you have to pick one and stick with it. Switching between the two leads for clunky writing and it offsets the flow. Here's a good article on it at theeditorsblog.net

"Come in." Thane opens the door and holds out his hand.

Having Thane's name follow the dialogue can cause the reader to believe that Thane is talking. That can lend itself to some confusion.

I am no longer yours. Deadshot proposed to me, and I said yes.

I don't... exactly understand why Harley left the Joker in this fanfic. In most canons, Harley is completely enraptured by the Joker. And when she does the Joker, to my knowledge, she's left him for Poison Ivy. I don't think there's any romance with Deadshot? Although I could be wrong. However, Deadshot seems pretty set on trying to make life better for his kid; I'm not sure if he would actually have time for any romantic attachment, much less having time to move to a vacation island.

I wonder if I will ever be able to be around them without wanting to ruin their lives.

So, in one comic, Harley left the Joker for a year. She gave birth. Had a kid. He didn't notice. Sure, he might feel slighted here, but I'm not sure if he would care that deeply? He might move onto another girl, but I don't think Harley leaving him would cause him to change his behavior in any way, shape, or form. Here's a link to the comic strip.

Okay, that's all I had to say for this chapter. I hope that you'll keep on writing!

-E




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Wed Mar 14, 2018 2:23 am
Kanome wrote a review...



Hello. I am here for a review as promised.

Grammar and Sentence Mistakes

'She is... Marring... Deadshot?'

'She is... marrying... Deadshot?'
...I guy she barely knew!

A guy she barely knew!

Character Development
It seems to me that Joker has matured. I have seen Joker in Batman and suicide squad, and he was the type of person who would not care who he hurts. It's kind of nice to read something showing that the Joker has matured and realized his mistakes.
As for this scene itself, it's pretty well-written, just wish you would able to describe the setting... it's a big vague.

Overall Comments
For the whole story so far, I understand that this was pre-written, but with all the tips I gave you, your story needs to be tweaked a bit. The plot itself is amazing, but the way you are displaying the story in words seem vague such as setting, appearance, etc.
Keep up the great work. Keep writing and onto the next chapter ~

- Kanome




Archangel says...


K. Thanks!



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Wed Mar 14, 2018 1:07 am
Archangel says...



@Kanome





"There is nothing to fear from someone who shouts."
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart