BEATLES BEATLES BEATLES YES LJF YES
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Two Years Ago: Annie
(Note: This chapter is meant to be read while listening to the song it's named after. Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgWh-tjxv3I
Nightcore version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vgdQOGbJNg )
September 13
It was a week and a half before he replied. I don’t know what I would’ve done if he hadn’t. I wondered if he could ever forgive me. What I’d done….I didn’t know if I could ever forgive myself.
I read his message. The Beatles, huh? I wasn’t particularly found of them myself, but he always liked weird older music.
I noticed the distinct reference to the coming sun- the song I’d sent him had said that we’d be lucky to ever see the sun, but I guess he disagreed. I texted him back.
Annie: “How’re you doing, Mika?”
Michael: “Don’t call me that! I started school about a month ago.”
Annie: “Oh, right! You’re in college now! What’s that like?”
Michael: “It’s different from high school. I don’t know how to explain it, really….You’re a junior this year, right? Did you start school yet?”
Annie: “No, my school starts a little late. My first day is tomorrow.”
Michael: “I can’t believe you’re already halfway done with high school-- where did the time go?”
Annie: “Life happens. Mika, I….I’m so sorry.”
Michael: “You don’t have anything to apologize for. Don’t call me that.”
I laughed in spite of myself. That was the Mika I remembered. Gruff, but deep down he was just a big teddy bear.
Annie: “I missed you. A lot.”
Michael: “I missed you too. Why are you up so late, anyway? Isn’t like two AM over there?”
Annie: “It can’t be that much earlier where you are. Did you get into that school you wanted to?”
Michael: “Yeah, but I decided not to go there.”
Really? I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised. It had been two years, after all.
Annie: “So where are you at?”
Michael: “U of Houston.”
Annie: “Really?”
Michael: “Yeah. I’m taking a bunch of courses in music theory while I try to figure out a major.”
Annie: “You’re going to study composing, right?”
Michael: “What are you talking about?”
It hadn’t changed. I had been worried that, after two years, we wouldn’t have anything to talk about, but we were still able talk talk like this, bickering and laughing and having fun. I’d missed this. There had never been anyone else I could talk to like this. Even Liam- No, I wasn’t going to think of him right now.
Annie: “You’re funny. Goodnight, Mika.”
Michael: “Don’t call me that. Good night, Annie.”
I turned off my phone and stared at the wall. It was late. Really late. A high school girl shouldn’t be sitting awake, alone, on the bathroom floor, at two in the morning, the night before school started. What was I doing?
I scratched my arm, picking off an itchy scab. It started bleeding. Of course. I put on my pajamas, and tried, unsuccessfully, to fall asleep. Soon I’d have to get up and go to school. Yippee.
I think this is a really good chapter, you described how Annie was feeling throughout the entire thing and the fact that her and Michael have a type of relationship where they can playfully banter, and not get into difficult situations, like one of them liking the other, is amazing! It's rare that you see a pair of friends who, not only have been friends for the longest of times, are boy and girl. I love how at the end when their chat ends, Annie goes into a "numb state", if you want to call it that. She questioning herself is something everyone can do of course, but it's how you describe how she feels in a few short sentences.
I turned off my phone and stared at the wall. It was late. Really late. A high school girl shouldn't be sitting awake, alone, on a bathroom floor, at two in the morning, the night before school started. What was I doing?
Hey! I don't have time for a full, in-depth critique right now, but I can try to address the specific questions you've posed:
The texting format: It's good! It makes sense. I've read, on rare occasions, whole stories that are told through text messages. Mostly parodic in nature, but it's a genre and it's effective.
I think the chapter ends on a bit of an awkward note, especially with the "Yippee." I get that she's sarcastic, that I could tell, but I feel it could have a stronger "Oooh, I wonder what happens next?" vibe to it. But then again, I typically read more suspense-driven stories; I don't want to impose my literary tastes on a perfectly good piece of writing.
That said, there is a lot of subtlety in this chapter - if that's what you're calling vagueness, it's an artful vagueness and it works well. Who is this Liam that Annie doesn't want to talk about? And I didn't realize that Mika Michael is so much older than Annie. (Not that much, really, but they're at different points in their lives despite close enough ages.) Those things make me want to know more and get to the next chapter already!
Good song choice too.
@izanami @saentiel @Danni88 @alliyah @AllisontheWriter @KatjaDawn @Lake @Tenyo @Danni88 @Flumadiddle @emolemon @jemming17
Hey guys- sorry I took so long to post this!
What do you think of the texting format? Does it make sense, or would you guys prefer I formatted it differently?
Also, I know the story is kind of slow and vague right now- please bear with me!
-LJF
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