Young Writers Society

Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you in any way, I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)

"The tulip of our bodies joined together,
Can shield us from reality,
So why then do you try to break away?" There shouldn't be a comma after 'together'.

"Darling, I love you,
Darling, I thought you loved me,
But no, I see you don't now,
You love another,
Who's flower is prettiest
Who's face is brightest,
Who's love is the mightiest." The comma train has left the station at an alarming speed. There should be a period at the end of 'another'. There shouldn't be a comma after 'you', the second 'darling' and 'no'.

"Goodbye, my sweet darling,
I shall never forget you,
But please, don't break his heart as you have mine,
For it's much too much across the line." There shouldn't be a comma after 'darling and there should be a period after 'you'. There shouldn't be a comma after 'mine'.

From what I can see you don't have any more grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.

Hello. Kanome here with a review for you.

NITPICKS:

My darling why do you cry?

My darling why must you fill your eyes with tears?

Darling why do you leave your rose to die?

Darling the sun lights up our world

Darling I love you,

Darling I thought you loved me

Good bye my sweet darling