z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Black Birds Song

by adelaide459


Silvery flakes drifted downward,

glittering in the bright light of the harvest moon.

The blackbird soared,

singing soulfully his melodious song.

Pale blue light glinting off his feathers,

from the luminescent moon above.

Everywhere he went other birds chimed in,

adding their glorious tunes to the blackbirds song.

Little eyes clouded with sleep,

peeked through the shuttered windows.

Searching for the source of the joyous song that woke them.

Parents listened through cracked entry doors, listening to the tune of sorrow they heard.

The elders listened, wizened by age, each hearing a different tune.

Some of joy.

Some of sorrow.

Some of pain.

And some of love.

It was as if the world herself stopped to hear’

The everflowing song of her children.

The song of the blackbird rung throughout the night.

Bouncing off trees.

Dancing in the snow.

Skimming the seasides.

Climbing up the steepest mountains.

Crooks and frauds heard his tune

His tune of redemption and guilt.

Murderers and thieves wept at his cries

His cries of forgiveness and mercy.

The deaf heard his song.

The blind saw through his eyes.

The dumb sang his tune.

The lame danced to his glorious melody.

The old felt young, and the young felt complete.

The blackbird changed his tune.

He sang of pain.

He sang of sorrow.

He sang of war.

He sang of death.

In the blackbirds tune joy sounded no more.

Soldiers laid down their arms.

Drowned in the feelings this new song awoke.

Angry wives, and wrathful husbands, lost their fight.

Unruly children once loud and bold.

Became silent and still.

Cooing infants began to cry.

The blackbird sang his song louder.

Praying to his mother.

That the people would listen to his words.

Hear his please for peace.

Feel his sorrow at loss.

And they heard.

Oh, how they heard.

They drowned in his pleas.

They cried in his pain.

Trembled with his sorrow filled tune.

They heard and they wept.

Wishing for this tune to stop.

Praying to the elders for his tune of joy to return.

The blackbirds song changed for the final time.

He sang of peace.

He sang of joy.

He sang of laughter.

He sang of delight

He sang to the elders for their guidance this night.

He sang of parents living happily with their children.

Of the lame dancing through towns.

Of the dumb singing his song and spreading his pleas.

Of the blind seeing through him, and showing others the way.

Of the deaf hearing his song, and singing along.

Of children giggling through the years.

Of infants, cooing, growing from one year to the next.

The earth listened and heard.

She sang with her son.

The birds once more chimed in.

The insects buzzing in delight.

The wolves howling through the pale moonlight.

The night sang loud and true.

With the blackbirds song.

Not a soul left deaf to its beauty.

No infant left unhappy.

Not a child left sad or scared.

No adult left fearing what came next.

And no elder left fearing death.

He sang loud.

He sang true.

The blackbird sang his tune.

As the silvery flakes drifted downward.

Glittering under the pale harvest moon light.

The blackbird soared.

Singing his melodious song.

The wolves howling gaily.

The insects Buzzing peacefully.

The earth listening to her child sing.

Throughout the night.

For the rest of their days.

All who heard his song that night.

Never forgot the beauty they’d heard.

Neither did they forget the pain they had felt.

Forever remembering the peace that followed.

The blackbird soared.

High through the night.

Never ending his song rung.

The tune that made the earth stop.

To listen to its sound.

The melody that made nature sway.

Caught in a dance of pain and beauty.

The song that made.

The whole world sing.

The blackbird soared into nights dark embrace.

Never to return but in the worlds dream.

Singing his song, he soared along.

The blackbird soared.

-Adelaide(unknown)


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User avatar
10 Reviews


Points: 10
Reviews: 10

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Sun Mar 04, 2018 4:04 am
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anoushkasutton wrote a review...



Hi, just stopping in for a review
Wow, this was really good, I didn't want to stop reading.
This was interesting and intriguing from the first line, the writing is very beautiful and the way that you structured it flowed really well.
There were a few lines that could have done with some commas but other than that your grammar is good.
Your descriptors and imagery were the best part about this, they brought the story to life.
Overall, this was really good and I hope you keep writing.




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41 Reviews


Points: 2331
Reviews: 41

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Sun Feb 18, 2018 1:25 am
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Carlymillie wrote a review...



Carly's corner;
Hello @adelaide459 , I'm here for a review. Hope I don't tear you to pieces. just kidding.
Not much to say, Your work is pretty intriguing. first off, I love your wide use of literary devices, it's vast. Your lines were consistent. And I love the fact you made use of free verse. there was rhythm which most works in this site lack. In general it was a nice piece. Hope to dee more from you.

And by the way; welcome to YWS.




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29 Reviews


Points: 103
Reviews: 29

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Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:20 pm
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WanderlustStardust wrote a review...



Hiya! Berri here for a review! .。゚+.ヽ( ゝ∀・*)ノ。+.゚

I just want to begin by saying, wow, this poem is beautiful. It captures the images of beauty in the most perfect way, and seems to be one of the most descriptive poems I've read on here- and I've read a lot of poems. ✧٩(•́⌄•́๑)و ✧ So kudos to you for doing such a great job with that!!

Second, I want to tackle your formatting. In my opinion, centered text is fine with me (and it might bother other people), but the thing I noticed right away was that you used sentences for each line. ヾ(・ω・`;))ノ Don't worry, it's not wrong, just odd to look at and read. It feels choppy, not smooth and sleek like your imagery is. I would recommend looking at all your lines on paper and trying to write it all as a paragraph, then revising it from there, if that makes any sense. (ノ^∇^) Hehe.

But besides the one-sentence-each-line thing, I really didn't see much that startled me as a reader (mistake wise). There are no grammatical things, no spelling errors, nothing really too bad.

I really loved this poem! Keep writing!

Berri out! ~ ★⌒(●ゝω・)b





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