z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Chapter 14 of Princess of the Sea

by lelu


Lord Tiernan sat calmly in an intricately carved wooden chair at the round table on the ground floor of the Keep, talking to the guests from Aragon and a few sundry nobles from his country. "And after the parade there will be a feast," he said. "Aeryn's best food, which personally I think is the best food anywhere. And then parties every night, dancing, feasting...and the very last night of all, New Year's E'en, will have the best feast of all. And, possibly, fireworks. Also, if you do marry Princess Serena, it will be that night."

Silira, listening to Lord Tiernan talk to Corwin, gazed idly out a window. It was dark, and not much could be seen outside but the trees shaking in the wind, which was strengthening again. She stopped trying to see out, looking at the reflections on the window instead. Corwin was saying something back to Tiernan..."You don't know how much I look forward to the feasting, sir..." The others at the table were chatting, but no one was paying much attention to her. A word from Corwin caught her attention. "...Princess Serena arrive?"

Tiernan answered without a pause. "Four days from now. That's when they were supposed to arrive. Her and her chaperone, one Lady Reynalda, and their guards. Around high noon, her ladyship said. About then. Somewhere in that proximity..."

Silira listened to him blather on, trying to cover his slip, but his slip was still showing. She ignored it and went on eating. She really wished she could taste the soft black bread and white cheese, but her tongue was gone--no, she had a tongue, she had legs, she was human--oh, what was the point? She couldn't forget the sea. She was so tired, so very tired, and she longed to drift away on the water and forget everything, just dissolve into foam. There was no point in hoping for heaven when Corwin wasn't in love with her.

Silira had given up hope, after all that she had done to come this far.

Corwin, talking to Tiernan across the table, caught sight of Silira's eyes and stopped talking. He forgot everything else. Her eyes were always so blue, sparkling and shining with wit, but now they were dull and almost black, looking out the window into the dark night. Corwin knew something was wrong. He would have spoken to Silira, but she was across the table and too far for him to speak to. But those eyes...Silira had never looked so sad...never looked sad, actually...

Tiernan tapped him once on the shoulder. "Your Highness? Something the matter?"

Corwin blinked, turning back to Tiernan. "Ah...I'm well enough." He cleared his throat, as if he could hawk up and spit out the image of those eyes. But, even after everyone, including him, was asleep in bed, peacefully waiting for the parade in three days, he could not forget those eyes.


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74 Reviews


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Sun Feb 25, 2018 5:56 pm
deleted221222 wrote a review...



Hello, I’m Thundahguy. Since this is one of the oldest works in the green room currently, I thought I’d review it. I haven’t read the previous chapters (sorry about that) so bear with me for this. Looking at your other chapters, though, they’re much longer than this one. There isn’t much to dissect from this one here. Let me start with praises.

I like your use of description. It helps create a good mental image. I also like how you explore Silira’s inner thoughts. They sound both conflicted and confusing, which makes it seem more like a girl’s indecisiveness. Corwin’s intrigue in Silira is also nice to see. How she’s at the forefront of his thoughts, which signals that he may actually love her.

For complaints, I don’t really have a lot. It’s incredibly short, as I’ve said before, so there isn’t much action. Lord Tiernan’s dialogue is a bit confusing as well.

"Aeryn's best food, which personally I think is the best food anywhere. And then parties every night, dancing, feasting...and the very last night of all, New Year's E'en, will have the best feast of all. And, possibly, fireworks. Also, if you do marry Princess Serena, it will be that night."


He sounds much more absent-minded and just saying things along. I don’t know if he had always spoken like that in previous chapters, but it’s a bit, well, Trump-like. Ignore this if he’s always talked like that and I’m just talking out of my butt.

Overall, it’s a short and sweet chapter. It has good points, it’s just a bit short. I might check your other chapters out later, if I have the time.




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Sun Feb 25, 2018 6:49 am
Shady wrote a review...



Hey lelu,

Shady here for the next chapter! I'm starting to run out of reviewing steam, but I'll do my best to keep at it until I get through all of the chapters you have posted so far. This story is getting interesting, and I really wanna know where you're taking it.

talking to the guests from Aragon


Just thought I should note, you should be really careful with using this name in your story. This name sounds really close to Aragorn, and those of us who are Lord of the Rings fans don't take kindly to people making spoofs off of his name. Aragorn is one of my favorite characters ever, and he is very much only Tolkien's character.

It also sounds like Eragon, the book by Christopher Paolini. Paolini himself got a bit of backlash, for naming his character so close to Aragorn, because again that is uniquely Tolkien's character and we geeks don't like other authors piggy backing on his character. And here you have it right in between. I'm personally not a fan of that, and other readers probs won't be either.
~ ~ ~

Aaaand that's actually all I have to say about this chapter. It was very short. Is there a reason you chose to make this chapter so short? It's not a problem, it just seems odd after the average lengths of your other chapters. I mean I mentioned on the last chapter the slightly shorter chapter was a nice change of pace, but this one was a bit shocking with how short it was.

I am enjoying the progression of your story, though. You are leaving us with tension and drama and at the same time developing Corwin's personality as he watches Silira's silent internal struggle. It's well written and an interesting story line. Hopefully this review, as short as it is, is helpful to you.

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)

Team blue for tonight ;)




lelu says...


So glad you liked it! This is actually set in a parallel medieval world with the regions using their older names. Aragon is a place between France and Spain and it's the country where Corwin lives, so you'll be bumping into it a lot in the upcoming revised version. I wasn't shooting for Aragorn or Eragon. Though I have read them both. Hahaha...



Shady says...


Ahhh, I didn%u2019t realize that. I am rotten at both geography and history lol. That%u2019s cool then ^^




Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
— Homer Simpson