Hello. Kanome here with a helpful review in honor of Review Day. Let's get started, shall we?
NITPICKS:
laying on the floor
emotions nonexistent
door shut
window too
eyes glued
to the ceiling
where things are plain and permanent
and thoughts are blank and empty
There needs to be commas in certain places in your poem. In poetry, sometimes commas need to be inserted to create a pause for the reader. So just put commas in places where there needs to be one. Also, capitalize certain words in your poem. I saw that there was no capitalization. Also, at the end of a line, place a period. For example:
Laying on the floor,
emotions nonexistent,
door shut,
window too.
Eyes glued,
to the ceiling,
where things are plain and permanent,
and thoughts are blank and empty.
Your whole poem needs capitalization and punctuation.
IMPROVEMENT:
You just have to make sure you proofread your work before publishing. Sometimes, capitalization and punctuation are important.
OVERALL:
This was an amazing poem to read. The words flow and create intense emotion for the reader to understand and relate to. Your poetry is not bad at all, it's more of an issue of capitalization and punctuation. I do understand that some people who write poetry do not do that because most poems are usually free-style. Other than that, keep up the great work. Can't wait to read new works you publish. Keep writing and have a great day!
Points: 11482
Reviews: 351
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