I look at myself in my mirror.
A reflective glass that can show yourself.
Mine is broken.
I stand there, just staring
At the face I thought was unlovable
The shoulders I thought were too broad
The arms I thought were too short
The stomach I thought was too round
The hips I thought were too small
The me I thought was ugly, unseemly, grotesque.
My reflection stares
I stare back
Both of us are thinking, sharing the same thoughts
Of all the time I spent lamenting the fact I wasn't pretty
I wasn't lovable like I was.
Crying tears of shame and insecurity onto a broken mirror that showed a distorted reflection.
A reflection that lied to me, my whole life.
A shattered mirror displaying a false me that wasn't me
Broken by many side comments of judgment and statements like;
"You have a big head."
"You're breaking out."
"Look at your chest size!"
"Make sure you don't eat too much sugar! You might put on more weight."
Each of these has made a crack in my mirror
And every time I look over at myself, I feel like an unprepossessing shell of fat and acne.
Because that's what my reflection shows me.
And I had the naivety to believe it was the truth.
And every time I would weep over this broken reflection
The water would collect in the cracks and run down the frame.
But something miraculous happened.
I saw a stranger, familiar but foreign as well.
They saw me and gave me a gift.
And that made all the difference.
Sometimes that broken reflection will stare back at me in my mirror
Shattered by many insensitive comments.
But then I remember that gift.
I pick it up.
I look into it.
As I stare at this person in the mirror, I start to smile.
Then I start to cry.
It's been so long since I've felt this way.
Since I've been able to look at myself in a speculum and think;
"I feel pretty today."